


Nevermind Me

by saucyminx



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Drug Use, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-04
Updated: 2011-05-04
Packaged: 2017-10-28 05:37:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 57,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/304328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saucyminx/pseuds/saucyminx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen knew being the only out student at his high school was bound to come with a certain reputation and unfortunately cruel bullying, but after so long it has him questioning his desire to carry on. Until he meets the new boy, Jared, the first to finally stick up for him, and learns that some things truly are bigger than high school and popularity. Jared’s life? It’s more complicated than Jensen could ever imagine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

If the students of Woodrow High were all broken into musical genres, then Jensen Ackles would be the show tunes. Not just because he was gay -- which he was; quite openly so -- but because he was the type most girls fawned over for entertainment value and the guys shunned on principle alone. This was to say, Jensen was the only gay boy -- out, at least -- and that came with a certain stereotyped reputation he’d gotten the day he arrived on this planet.

Jensen wasn’t certain if all gay people were born that way but for him? That’s how it went. As far back as he could remember, Jensen had been more aware of fashion, music and men. Sure, he didn’t put the guy thing together until he hit puberty but it made sense. When his father used to sit him down for Friday night football, Jensen didn’t pay attention to the plays or calls or whatever, it was which player was cutest, which looked most formed in his pants and… well, putting two and two together wasn’t that difficult.

It was ironic that they lived in such a _modern_ world and yet Jensen found being gay the most challenging thing in his seventeen-year-old life. Maybe it was the Midwest that he lived in; the close-minded church-going families that were mostly polite enough to sympathize and pray for his poor damned soul. Sometimes, Jensen wanted to tell them that if their God wasn’t open enough to love _all_ his people, gay or not, then he wouldn’t want their prayers anyway.

But Jensen was also raised in this small town, with as much manners as his dad could pass along, so he kept his mouth shut. And he dealt with the girls who thought befriending a gay boy meant free fashion tips and someone to gossip with. And somehow he moderately tolerated the boys who crossed to the other side of the hall as they walked by each other, like gay was a disease to be caught.

Lately, though, Jensen wasn’t so sure he could moderately tolerate anything.

“Move it, fag,” Leo Calahan growled, even though Jensen was standing right in front of his locker and hardly in anyone’s way.

The next moment, his cheek was connecting hard with the cool metal of the locker beside his and pain flared down his body. It wasn’t the first locker he’d been shoved into -- actually, it was quite commonplace nowadays -- but this one left a resounding echo in his ears as he straightened himself up. When he looked down the hall, the jocks were greeting Leo, laughing and slapping hands like they were celebrating him.

Jensen looked the other way to watch the other students he’d gone to school with since elementary school heading into their classes, none even looking his way. It amazed him some times how girls who would eagerly seek his opinion on which top matched which skirt would just as eagerly ignore such a blatant bashing against his person.

Frowning, Jensen slowly pulled his Trig book from the locker and closed it, lifting a hand to smooth back his hair before heading to class. The resounding ache on his cheek was another weight on his shoulders, but what choice did he have but to go on?

-=-=-=-

“What is this?”

Jensen sighed -- for the fifth time in less than a half-hour -- and swallowed his food before answering. “It’s tofu stir-fry, Dad; there’s shiitake mushrooms and snow peas and spices, and the tofu is grilled, so don’t try and tell me it tastes horrible.”

Groaning, Alan Ackles sat his plate down on the coffee table and shook his head, pushing off the couch to head for the kitchen. “You’re gonna kill me with that crap.”

“Excuse me? That _crap_ is what will keep your heart healthy. Dad, the doctor said to ease off the red meats. Please, just eat it; give it a try.” Jensen set his fork down and turned to look back at his father, frowning when the man reached into the fridge for a bottle of beer. “And you could do with laying off the beer, too. Do you know how many calories are in that bottle?”

Alan didn’t answer until he’d returned to the couch with a bag of Doritos and the opened beer. “I can’t eat that tofu crap, Jensen, no matter what spices you cook it with. And I sure as hell am not eating anything with _shiitake_ in the name.”

Unlike most teenagers, Jensen loved his father very much, and he thought he was always on pretty good behavior with him. It was just the two of them; it had been for so long, Jensen only had vague wisps of his mother’s memory. Alan was everything Jensen wasn’t. He was the picture-perfect image of the modern Midwestern man, overalls and garage-working included. He drank beer and ate burgers and burped without asking to be excused.

The day Jensen had told his father he was gay, he expected a fallout, he’d prepared himself for it, but Alan had been nothing but supportive. Sure, he didn’t get it, not Jensen’s desire to spend his allowance remolding his room or buying new scarves and hats and boots. But he didn’t turn on Jensen, so he had to be grateful for that.

Even if his dad seemed to think eating things like tofu and mushrooms and sweet peas was a gay thing and therefore not for him.

“Dad, please.” Jensen returned to his food, stabbing his fork into each piece of tofu. “It’s not like it’s poison.”

All he got for an answer was a grunt. Jensen could try and talk to him, maybe ask about his day or the game or something, but today, he couldn’t. Today, he kept his mouth shut. And when his dad just let it be, didn’t ask or press, Jensen felt another of those little weights pressing his shoulders down.

-=-=-=-

Something sticky and slimy and wet was dripping down over his ears, along his neck, and presumably staining his brand new white Lacoste sweater. Judging from the strength of the item crushed against his skull, Jensen was fairly certain it was an egg. He swallowed thickly and turned to face Calahan, squaring his shoulders and shifting the bag on his shoulders.

“This is a $125 sweater.” He narrowed his eyes up at the boy, wishing he’d have another growth spurt, because it really wasn’t helping his defense mechanism.

“Jesus, queer, where do you get your money? You sell your ass to creepy old men?” Calahan sneered and stepped back, tossing another egg hard enough at Jensen’s chest that it broke.

Yellow egg stained the white fleece and Jensen looked down, his stomach churning unpleasantly. There was no real way to get yolk out of this material; three weeks of saving for this sweater down the drain just like that.

“Mr. Ackles? Are you okay?” Mr. O’Brien curled a hand over Jensen’s shoulder, turning him so their eyes met. He was frowning and he lifted his hand, coming back with a piece of shell from Jensen’s hair. “Want some help cleaning up?”

“Could I use your office?” Jensen always carried a change of clothing because this wasn’t the first time something like this had happened. He supposed it was better than slushies or ice cream or the trash can he frequently got dumped into.

“Of course,” Mr. O’Brien nodded, leading the way down the hall.

Jensen liked Mr. O’Brien. He taught English and had always been really nice, never seemed like he was judging Jensen on his sexual preferences or abundance for overly-fashionable clothing. People in this town had no respect for fashion in any way, shape or form.

It took ten minutes for Jensen to get most of the yolk and mess from his hair and change into something new and clean. Not that it mattered; it would just get messed up later on.

He came out of the teacher’s private bathroom with a small smile and a shrug. “Thanks, sir; the boy’s bathroom is ten times as dirty as myself, so it wouldn’t help to get clean there.”

“I’m glad I could help.” Mr. O’Brien nodded and gestured to the chair in front of his desk, making it clear that Jensen was supposed to sit and talk with him now. “So, those boys are getting pretty bad, huh?”

Jensen forced a smile and nodded, dropping down on the chair and shifting his bag over his lap. “Never had the egg in the hair bit before.”

“You know, Jensen...” Mr. O’Brien sighed and folded his hands together on his desk, looking around the room as if it was somehow fascinating. “Maybe you could try being... less gay.”

The words were like a stab in the back, if only because Jensen sort of thought Mr. O’Brien was okay with him being gay. Or something close to the acceptance that Jensen was desperately looking for. “Less gay? Sir, all I do is dress nice. It’s not like I have pictures of naked guys, or any guys, taped up in my locker. I don’t flaunt a boyfriend or scope out boys in the locker room. So should I stop dressing nice?”

Mr. O’Brien shifted uncomfortably in his chair and shrugged. “Well, seriously, Jensen, you do sort of... stand out. Maybe you could just tone it down a bit. I understand you want to be out and proud and that’s a good thing but honestly, there’s limits.”

Jensen couldn’t really believe what he was hearing and he stood, clutching his bag a little tighter. “Thanks for the advice, sir. I’ll keep it in mind.”

Part of Jensen thought he should keep track of the weights pressing onto his shoulders, because he figured eventually it had to be too much. At some point, he might snap, and Jensen was a little terrified of that.

-=-=-=-

Sometimes, Jensen had dreams about another life. His dad was always there because Jensen loved his dad and he wanted him around. But in his other life, they lived somewhere that made straight a taboo. Everyone was gay or a lesbian or whatever you wanted to call it. In Jensen’s perfect little world, he had a gorgeous boyfriend who loved him, held his hand and gently ran fingers through his hair.

Jensen didn’t know what his perfect boyfriend would look like but he imagined he would be confident. No part of him was willing to date someone that was hiding, in the closet, not ready to accept what he really was. Because he’d worked so very hard to get to this point and he didn’t need a boyfriend that would drag him back.

Whenever Jensen dreamed of this perfect world with the perfect boyfriend and the constant swell of happiness, he woke up in tears. It wasn’t what he didn’t have, what he wanted to have, what he probably never would have. It was this life that he did have, the fate that he’d been served. Jensen could make plans for his future -- a grand college, a great life, a fantastic happily ever after -- but he wasn’t an idiot.

He knew all too well how his father didn’t have enough money to send him anywhere but the local community college. He’d already accepted that, at best, he’d go on to inherit the family’s mechanic business. And chances were, Jensen was going to spend the rest of his life alone because no one else was foolish enough to come out in a town where there was a church every second block.

Jensen curled into a ball under his fluffy purple duvet and cried into his pillow, just in case his dad was awake. He knew he’d have to go through this alone, because that was how the world worked. It was cold, and people weren’t show tunes, and Jensen wasn’t sure why he even bothered anymore.

-=-=-=-

“Excuse _you_.”

The low growl of Calahan’s words were familiar to Jensen and he tilted his head up, meeting the jock’s gaze because he had this idea in his mind that not showing fear would work to his advantage. Judging from the way the boy’s face colored with rage, Jensen guessed his theory was wrong.

“What the fuck are you looking at, fag?” Calahan growled and pressed forward, shoving his fingers hard enough into Jensen’s chest that he stumbled back. “You disgusting freak. Why don’t you do us all a favor and fucking leave. No one wants you here.”

Jensen didn’t have to look around the quad to know that no one was paying attention. Sometimes, he wondered if he’d ever had friends at all or if the label of _gay_ made him more like an accessory to those who saw fit to use him so readily. “Wow, Calahan, it’s good to see you know the full strength of your vocabulary. I didn’t think you knew the meaning of the word ‘favor’.”

It was a low blow and Jensen knew it but, Jesus, if anyone deserved it then it was Calahan. But of course, trying to be brave and confident only got him so far, considering the next moment the jock was lifting his fist and driving it hard into Jensen’s face, knuckles slamming into his eyes as he staggered back, vision blurring from the blow.

No one came over as Jensen dropped down onto the cement, breathing in deeply to school back the tears. He didn’t know if teachers had seen, if students were blowing it off for their own safety. He did know, however, that the way Calahan was now laughing with his teammates was because of him. They were laughing _at_ him, and Jensen’s entire face was stinging and he pushed himself up, hurrying out of the quad before anyone could see his tears.

It terrified Jensen that he was losing the flair of self-righteous indignation that usually came after a gay bashing. He shouldn’t spend the afternoon skipping class and hiding in the bathroom stall, but Jensen knew his eye was bruising, and no matter how much he hated missing school, he certainly wasn’t going to let that purple-blue bruise clash with his green cardigan.

-=-=-=-

“I understand it’s rough, Jensen, but you can’t just ditch school; that’s important. If you have problems with these boys, then you need to stand up for yourself.” Alan spoke as if Jensen’s black eye was a personal insult.

Jensen had thought his dad might be a little more sympathetic to his situation but really, he shouldn’t have been that surprised. “I just didn’t feel like facing anyone. Especially with this bruise so clear on my face.”

“Well, you can’t just miss school until you’re all better,” Alan grumbled and pulled the fridge open, grabbing an ice pack. “Wouldn’t hurt you to throw a punch or two, Jensen. Stand your ground; don’t let these boys push you around.”

“I’ll work on that,” Jensen muttered numbly, ignoring the offered ice pack. Sometimes, Jensen thought his dad wished for a different son, one that would stand up for himself, throw punches, fight and growl.

Minutes later, he was excusing himself from the dinner table and heading for his room, no longer strong enough to carry on some facade that he was okay. The pain had to be clear on his face; he wasn’t sure why his dad ignored it, but such was the life of normality, he supposed. His father did have a reputation to uphold.

More and more lately, Jensen couldn’t get himself to remember why he kept living, what it was all for. Being punched and slammed into things and slimed with food was too much, his limit, and Jensen wasn’t so sure continuing to live was worth it. Dramatic? Yes. But he didn’t care.

For the dozenth time at least in the last month, Jensen thought about the ways he could do it -- kill himself, end it all -- and this time, he wasn’t even scared considering it. This time, it was more of a possibility, and Jensen was more resigned than nervous. What that meant, he wasn’t quite sure. Just that, if there wasn’t any hope for his future and he was dreading waking up each morning, maybe there really was no reason for him to be alive.

-=-=-=-

It was Thursday, an average day; only a couple of incidents at the drinking fountain that morning. So far, Jensen thought he might end the day not completely ready to pull hair from his skull.

Until, of course, Calahan came stomping down the hall and Jensen barely had a moment to brace himself before his entire body was crashing hard into his locker. He supposed it was an even worse sign that this could be called a _good_ attack, considering the amount of pain his entire body was in.

He slowly slid down to the ground, scratching his nails over the last of the bruise on and around his eye, his entire body completely exhausted from the waves of sadness, loneliness, grief. Jensen decided he’d drive off a bridge; that was his way to go, _Thelma And Louise_ -style or something. Or maybe pills. Seemed less painful. But his poor dad, finding his body…

Jensen was at his breaking point and somehow crying in the middle of the hallway seriously wasn’t going to help.

And then, just like that, everything changed.

-=-=-=-

Jared held out his hand in front of the big boy who looked like he was about to kick the kid on the ground.

Usually, he’d been in a school for at least a full week before he was getting in trouble, but this was different.

The guy on the floor -- _Jensen_ \-- Jared had heard his name in the buzz of the gathering crowd of students. Jensen looked _done_. The guy just looked like he had nothing left, and Jared had been there. He knew that vacant stare, the slumped shoulders.

Clearing his throat, he stepped closer to _big guy_ so he could use his height to its full advantage.

“Dude, enough,” he said.

“Who the fuck are you?” Calahan growled, and Jensen had to admit he felt pretty similar, but he probably would have put it nicer. After all, the guy was apparently brand new to the school and yet he’d managed to do something that people he’d known nearly his whole life never seemed to care to do. “You wanna piece of the action too?” Calahan asked the boy, and Jensen wasn’t sure if ‘the action’ was a fight with the jock or beating up Jensen.

Judging from the way this guy was ridiculously tall and had arms that looked almost sculpted, Jensen sincerely hoped it was the former. Not that he wanted the guy fighting anyone -- especially on his behalf -- but he wasn’t going to stand a chance against Mr. Tall, Dark And Handsome.

Tilting his head slightly, Jared raised an eyebrow. “Listen, I don’t want any trouble. Just want you to let up. Live and let live, man.”

In case his actions were unclear, he shifted to the side so he was standing between Jensen and _big guy_. Hands clenched at his sides, Jared widened his stance a little and narrowed his gaze.

From the floor, Jensen had a strange viewpoint. The guy had a nice backside -- no problem with noticing -- and he was trying to shield Jensen. It was impossible but... endearing. Or something. He glanced to the side and saw the gathering crowd of spectators and wondered idly if they were watching because once more Jensen was being trashed or because this random stranger was sticking up for him against one of the toughest guys in the school.

Who was admittedly looking not so tough as he held up his hands and slowly stepped back.

“Hey whatever, man. You wanna associate with the little queer, then whatever.” He eyed the guy one last time before turning and disappearing through the crowd.

Scanning the throng of students, Jared gave his best glare to a few of them. Turning slowly, he smiled down at Jensen and held out a hand to him. “Hey, you okay?”

Why hadn’t Jensen ever seen this boy before? He’d totally recognize him, what with the slightly wavy hair and that perfectly strange, pretty little smile. Yeah, it would figure that Jensen would get saved by an almost literal knight in shining armor and he’d be gorgeous, too. Realizing he was staring, Jensen cleared his throat and curled his fingers over the other boy’s so he could use the help to stand. “Thanks. That was nice of you to… just... Thanks. I’m Jensen.”

Jared liked that name; somehow, it fit well with the green-eyed boy looking up at him. Smile softening, Jared pulled his hand free and wiped at the dampness under Jensen’s eye with his thumb. “You hurt?”

Staring at the tall boy in continuing disbelief, Jensen slowly shook his head and tried not to think about the way soft, warm skin had felt moving along his.

“I’ll live. I’ve had worse.” He lifted a shoulder in a shrug, staring at the genuine concern in the other boy’s eyes. “Why’d you step in? It’s not going to make you popular to be friends with me.” He thought he’d properly warn the boy, since best guess was he had to be new.

“I’ve never been popular at any school. Why start now?” Jared smiled and stepped back a little. “What did you do that makes you Mr. Unpopular?”

Jensen couldn’t imagine why this guy wouldn’t be popular. He was gorgeous, and nice, and sweet, and Jensen didn’t even know his name but he certainly could get lost in the intense pull to be around him all the time.

“I’m gay,” he informed him, head tilting just slightly to the side to watch the boy’s reaction.

“So? That’s a crime in this school?” Jared shrugged and laughed dryly. Maybe this was going to be the town where he got into serious trouble. Meeting Jensen’s gaze, he let his smile grow. “Wish we’d met under better circumstances, but it was still nice to meet you, Jensen.”

“It’s just not the most popular thing.” Jensen was beginning to wonder if he looked as surprised as he felt and he laughed softly, wetting his lips as he looked away. “Nice to meet you, too. And thank you, again. I don’t even know your name.” He looked back into hazel eyes and slid his hand up the strap on his shoulder, taking a cautious step forward.

“Any time and... I’m Jared.” He ducked his head down a little so he could see Jensen’s face. “You shouldn’t hide; you have a great smile.” Taking a few steps backwards, Jared got jostled a bit by the students flowing down the hallway. “See you around, Jensen.”

Turning, he let himself get caught up in the flow; it wasn’t like he had any idea where his next class was anyway.

 _Jared._

Jensen stared after the boy until he couldn’t see him anymore, and that feeling of disbelief and surprise still burned through him. Was the guy just... flirting with him? No way; that couldn’t happen. Because Jared was cute -- gorgeous, even -- and he looked like he belonged on the football or basketball team. He’d learn pretty rapidly that he wasn’t worth the massive blows to his reputation.

Still, Jensen couldn’t get those eyes and that smile out of mind, and when he turned back to his locker, he couldn’t even remember slamming in to it. Everything in him told him it was silly to crush instantly on a guy just because he stuck up for you -- he had rules about the dating thing -- but Jensen had a pretty good feeling that Jared wasn’t going to be leaving his thoughts any time soon.

-=-=-=-

No matter how hard Jensen looked, he couldn’t seem to find Jared anywhere. It didn’t help that Calahan was more pissed at him than ever, and on more than one occasion Jensen had to slip into the nearest classroom or janitor’s closet to keep from getting hauled out to the dumpster.

And, well, classes kept him pretty busy too, and since the school was the only one in town, everyone went there so it wasn’t exactly small. Jensen was starting to get a little worried that the boy was purposefully avoiding him on the third day of fruitless searching.

Or maybe he just imagined him during a very vivid daydream.

Finally, he decided to ask someone, because he was going to go insane if he tried to walk around the school one more time looking for a boy who seemed to be invisible.

“Hey, Katie.” Jensen approached the blonde with a smile, smoothing down the edge of his new peacoat. He liked Katie well enough; she didn’t try and ask him too much about fashion or boys -- like Jensen was an automatic guru since he was gay -- but they hardly ever spent any time together. Still, she smiled when she looked over and greeted him, so that was a good sign. “Do you know Jared?”

“Jared?” Katie’s lips pursed as she reached into her locker for a book. “Jared Newton? I have AP Lit with him.”

Jensen knew Jared Newton; he was a pale, scrawny little kid that seemed to be missing some massive growth spurts, because he was almost a foot shorter than everyone else. So no, not even close. “No, um, Jared... I don’t know his last name. He’s new, though.”

“Oh, the new boy? Yeah I’ve seen him around at lunch; he always eats on the other side of the lot, under the trees, so I’ve seen him walking off. He’s kind of insanely tall.” Katie bumped her locker closed with her hip and turned to face Jensen. “Why?”

“No reason. I just heard there was a new kid, so I was wondering. I don’t have any classes with him.” Jensen shrugged casually and stepped back, planning on making an exit before she could pursue the line of questions about Jensen’s curiosity. “See you later.”

Lunch at Woodrow High was broken into two groups, and Jensen didn’t share his with Katie. That was probably why he never saw Jared, he had lunch A and Jensen had lunch B. It was annoying, to say the least, because lunch would have been a good time to casually start talking to him.

So maybe Jensen was a little fixated on the boy. It couldn’t be helped. _No one_ had stood up for him in all the years he’d been teased, and suddenly someone new came into the picture and did. Jensen couldn’t help wanting to get to know him.

Sighing softly, Jensen turned and headed for class. It was Friday afternoon so his searching was going to have to wait until Monday morning, and Jensen kind of hated that. He had this horrible fear that maybe Jared had heard about him, or been warned that spending time with Jensen was like signing your own death warrant. And maybe, well, he had thought Jared liked him a little _like that_ \-- what with the compliment about his smile, which was so not a guy thing to do -- and no one ever had before.

On Monday, Jensen would search once more for Jared. Maybe he’d even show up early and stand outside so every student would walk past him and Jared wouldn’t be able to hide.

-=-=-=-

Come Monday, that was exactly what Jensen did. He woke earlier than usual, patted his father’s head on the way out the door and tried to ignore the nerves building in the pit of his stomach. All weekend, he’d thought about Jared, trying to picture his image just right and never succeeding. It was actually kind of nice to have the Jared thing to dwell on, because Jensen was maybe at his breaking point with everything else.

It was a crisp autumn morning and the sun was trying to warm up the ground but the cool of the air was too strong. Jensen clutched the shoulder strap of his bag a little tighter, scanning faces as they slowly headed into the building. He thought about what he would say to Jared, how to make it sound more like he was casually waiting outside for someone else and just happened to run into Jared there.

“What the fuck are you doin’ out here, queer boy?” Calahan’s typical sneer and harsh words had Jensen’s shoulders stiffening.

He’d kind of spaced the fact that waiting for Jared outside would mean a serious lack of places to hide from Calahan and his jock cronies.

“Don’t you have some paintings to put on a cave wall, or whatever the hell you Neanderthals are doing nowadays?” In most situations, Jensen would take Calahan’s obvious pause and flee, but the look of confusion on the boy’s face was too much to pass up on. “Neanderthal? In this case, an adjective describing your crude and boorish behavior. You know, caveman?”

“Why, you little-” Calahan growled and stepped forward, raising his fist.

Jensen braced himself for the incoming blow, closing his eyes and preemptively flinching, but it never came. Instead, there was a grunt, and when Jensen peeled open his eyes, it was to see the jock on the ground and Jared on top of him, the two wrestling for control.

Jensen was rooted to the spot, eyes wide and fixed on his once again savior. Where the hell had he come from? Something warm curled in Jensen’s stomach, because this was almost surreal. What had he done to finally deserve someone who had his back? Were the higher beings out there worried that he really would lose it one day and kill himself?

Because it sure as hell had gotten close.

Then suddenly two teachers were sweeping in, tugging off the still-swinging Jared and lugging Calahan up. Jensen caught the flash of Jared’s smile aimed at him before he was being dragged into the school, the teacher yelling angrily at him. The crowd that had gathered was continuing on their way now but Jensen was still stuck in place, eyes wide, trying to remember to breathe.

-=-=-=-

Like he had the better part of the week before, Jensen spent most of Monday looking for Jared. It was different this time, though, because most everyone was talking about the boy who has tackled the jock.

People were even giving him weird, suspicious looks, but he was use to that, so he ignored them and kept looking.

By the end of the day, he was once more saddened and slightly annoyed that he couldn’t find him, and he was seriously considering sneaking into the office to find his locker number -- or at least a last name -- when he walked past the detention room. His steps slowed and he peered as subtly as possible into the classroom. He could see Calahan in the back, clearly annoyed, and then Jared, on the opposite side of the room.

Jensen’s heart pinched weirdly in his chest and he sucked in a slow breath, a small smile flickering on his lips. Deciding that risking another run-in with Calahan was worth seeing Jared again -- and actually speaking to him -- Jensen slid to the lockers at the side of the door and leaned back, waiting.

There was a variety of things he could try and say to Jared; he’d run through them all that morning, but mostly right now he wanted to say thank you. Because Jared was serving a detention for him and that meant something.

It felt like it took forever for the door to finally open and Jensen slid a little further back, watching as a few of the random guys and girls left. When Calahan came out, he sneered at Jensen, half stepping toward him, but Jared was a step behind him and he cleared his throat and Calahan looked quickly back at him before turning and stalking off.

Jensen laughed, mildly in disbelief, and watched Calahan’s back disappearing out the front doors before looking at Jared. “How do you do that?”

Smiling, Jared watched Calahan walk down the hall. “Did you know that he’s on notice now? One more _altercation_ and he gets suspended. Guess that might get through to him.” Jared slipped the strap of his bag over his head and jammed his hands into his jeans. “You waiting for me?”

Jensen’s eyes were a little fixed on that strip of skin above Jared’s jeans that had appeared as the boy moved. When he looked back up, Jared was still smiling at him, and Jensen’s heart quickened. “Yeah, I was. I’ve been looking for you. You’re kind of hard to find.” He smiled softly and lifted his shoulder in a shrug. “Do you want a ride home?”

“You got a car?” Jared nodded and turned to walk toward the student parking lot, slowing his step until Jensen caught up, “I walk everywhere, usually. So, why were you looking for me?” Jared liked the half puzzled look that was on Jensen’s face -- it was kind of adorably cute, and he was having trouble not smiling constantly.

“Because...” Jensen shrugged again and followed Jared outside, tugging his keys from his jacket pocket. “You rescued me, twice now, and that’s not what normal people do, so I was curious about you. And yes, I have a car, fixed it up all myself.” Jensen’s black Nissan was the only one still in the student lot, minus the football players’ ones along the side lot. “I was starting to think you were invisible.”

“Invisible? I just don’t hang around much. Got stuff to do, you know?” Jared’s smile faded slightly and he sighed. Sometimes all the moving around made it feel a little pointless to get to know people. Jensen was a different story. There was something a little fragile about Jensen -- not because he was gay, or bullied -- there was just a light in his eyes when he spoke to Jared. It made Jared think that maybe he needed a friend too.

“Way to make it sound like you’re part of a secret gang or the mafia,” Jensen laughed and unlocked his car, looking over at Jared. “Bloods or Crips?” He couldn’t really help the joke at that; it felt good to laugh _with_ someone.

Jared rolled his eyes and his smiled broadened.

“I got a job. It’s not all that exciting. I’m only your hero on my time off.” Jared winked and leaned against the car. “What’s your favorite time of year?” He tipped his head back and closed his eyes, breathing in the cool, late-afternoon air.

Staring at Jared, admittedly a little surprised, Jensen couldn’t help admire how _gorgeous_ the boy was. The way he seemed to live in the moment, appreciate it, and that something more was just under the surface. Jensen wanted to know everything about him, wanted to spend all his time with the boy, and that was saying something, since his patience for other people was usually limited. “Autumn has the best color palate. Especially here. Not a lot to love about this town, but the shades of the leaves in Fall? Gorgeous. I could design an entire wardrobe around them. You?”

Jared laughed softly and lowered his gaze back to Jensen.

“I just like the smell; it’s all fresh and clean and like starting over. You should smile more.” His brow furrowed slightly above his smile and he reached up to press the collar on Jensen’s coat flat. He liked it when the smaller boy smiled; it changed him somehow, made his face seem brighter underneath all those freckles.

“You keep mentioning my smile,” Jensen noted, trying to keep his entire body from lurching toward Jared’s like he wanted to. Maybe he was being seventeen, never really having crushed on a guy who wasn’t a celebrity, or maybe it was just Jared, like the boy had some natural pull that Jensen couldn’t resist. “Better be careful, Jared, or I might think you’re flirting with me.” He smiled softly, dipping his head.

“Would that be a bad thing?” Jared lifted his fingers to tuck under Jensen’s chin and push up slightly until their eyes met again.

All the air caught in Jensen’s lungs and shot out in a gentle whoosh. He could feel his heart slam painfully hard in his chest and he swayed forward, staring wide-eyed up at Jared.

“I...” He could still feel the warm press of Jared’s fingers on his chin, and Jensen wet his lips on instinct. “No. It’s not a bad thing.” He thought about telling Jared that no one flirted with him, but in this school, it should be obvious.

Dropping his hand, Jared swung his bag down off his shoulder.

“Hey, I’m not workin’ tonight; you wanna just grab a coffee and head down to Milstone Park? There a really cool playground there. My treat.” Jared wanted to keep that smile on Jensen’s face.

“Okay,” Jensen whispered and bit at his lip, smiling around it. “Do you live by Milstone Park? I mean, since you said you don’t have a car. Where do you work?” He clutched the strap on his bag, praying that his cheeks didn’t look as red as they felt.

“Yeah, I live near there. I can just walk home after. Let’s go and I’ll tell you all my deep, dark secrets.” Jared waited until Jensen unlocked the car and climbed inside. It was nice, and it was pretty cool that Jensen had done all the work himself. As soon as his new friend was behind the wheel, Jared turned to him quickly. “You really rebuilt this yourself? Nice choice.”

“My dad owns a shop locally. We’ve been working on this one since I was ten. I swear it is the only time I will ever allow grease to touch my skin,” Jensen chuckled and turned the car on, reaching out to turn down the radio. “It’s the _Sherlock Holmes_ soundtrack; I adore it. Normally, listening to it when I drive to the school is the only way... well.” Jensen shrugged and looked over at Jared. “Coffee house of choice? Starbucks is okay but I prefer Nicolette’s, and they’re cheaper.”

“Sure. Nicolette’s sounds fine. I haven’t really been in town long enough to get to know many places. Hey, have you heard the music from _Inception_? I got a real thing for instrumental stuff -- lets me imagine whatever mood I want for it -- get lost in it a little.” He was quiet for a few moments, staring at the soft rose flush on Jensen’s cheeks. “Hey, Jensen, what were you gonna say? Listening to it is the only way... what?” Jared leaned on his door slightly so he could watch Jensen drive.

There was a pretty good chance Jared had been specially designed for Jensen or something. He was trying to resist the urge to see the bad side of this.

“To get through,” Jensen shrugged and stared out the windshield, schooling his features into something indifferent. “As much as I adore music you can sing along to, the instrumental, though, it’s soothing and sometimes I need that before I face the day.”

“I know the feeling,” Jared commiserated. Leaning back, he looked out the windshield. “So, what do you do when you’re not working on cars, Jensen? Let me guess. Do you draw or something? You seem kinda artistic. The whole Fall colors things.” If Jared could have one wish, it would be to have some kind of artistic ability: drawing, painting, anything that was creative.

It was strange to think that no one had ever asked Jensen what he did. He supposed no one at school had ever considered what Jensen liked beyond the superficial things they could see, and his dad just wasn’t the type to think that way. So it took him a few minutes to answer and he waited until he pulled into the parking lot for Nicolette’s before turning in his seat to look at Jared. “I just have a healthy knowledge of color schemes. Sometimes I draw things, but not people or anything; it’s nothing major. Mostly just school and helping my dad.”

“I like that, color schemes.” Jared pushed his door open and climbed out of the car, stretching his back. “You’re pretty tall too,” he noted as he rounded the front of the car. “What are you-- six foot or so?” There weren’t a lot of people who were anywhere near Jared’s six-foot-five, so he was used to being the tallest guy in every group.

“Yeah, about that. You, you’re very tall. And kind of strangely graceful, in a way. Have you been tall for a while?” Jensen’s steps halted and he looked over at Jared, laughing. “Can we pretend that question didn’t make me sound like a complete idiot?”

The sound of Jensen’s laugh was kind of like cool spring water running down Jared’s spine. As they walked toward the coffee shop, Jared looked around. The place was small, kind of trendy but not in an obnoxious way. He was pretty sure he would like most things that Jensen suggested. “Didn’t hear a thing about my height,” he laughed quietly. “What kind of coffee you want?”

“Oh I get-” Jensen began, but he was interrupted by Maggie, who was already calling for him and waving a coffee cup. He smiled and lifted his hand in a wave before looking at Jared. “I always get the same thing; they sort of know me here. Maggie makes a mean macchiato, if that’s your sort of thing. Though everything’s great here.”

“I just like regular coffee with lots of cream and sugar.” Jared said it half to _Maggie_ as he walked up to the counter. Leaning there, he smiled at Jensen. “Seems like you maybe spend lots of time here; what do you do? Read? Chat up the customers?” Grinning, he pulled out his wallet and slid a bill toward Maggie.

“I would never chat anyone up,” Jensen scoffed and shook his head. “I read here sometimes. Draw or something. Mostly I just come here before school and after.” Jensen shrugged and leaned toward Jared, dropping his voice to a whisper. “It’s not the best place to hang out, as much as I’d like to.” He held up his finger to get Jared to wait, then turned to Maggie. “How’s life, Maggie?”

“Oh you know, same old. How are you, Jensen? You know I’ve really been praying for you; we all have been.” Maggie smiled kinkly at him then eyed Jared uncertainly. “Is this your friend? I’ve never seen him before.”

 _Praying?_ Jared scratched the side of his nose and smiled over at Maggie. “Yeah, I’m new in town. Name’s Jared.”

“Nice to meet you, Jared. Maybe you can help me convince Jensen here to come to church on Sunday morning. I’ve been trying for years,” Maggie continued with her honey-sweet smile.

Before Jared could answer, Jensen laughed. “I told you, Maggie, once Pastor Mark agrees to marry two men in his church, I’ll go.” It was worth it just to see Maggie’s face struggle with obvious disgust. “Thanks for the drink, Maggie; have a good one.”

Jensen scooped up his coffee, turned and fled. Mainly because he was so embarrassed that the woman would call him out like that. And he was a little concerned that Jared would think he was an asshole now.

“Wow.” By the time Jared had cream and sugar in his coffee, Jensen was waiting just outside the door. “She’s kinda hardcore, isn’t she?” Taking a sip, he headed back toward the car and smiled at the flush that was creeping up Jensen’s neck. “Nothing wrong with having strength of conviction, I guess.”

“Everyone is like that here. I’m the town gay and they’re all trying to save my soul. Or kill me.” Jensen shrugged dismissively and looked over at Jared. “Coffee’s good, though. Where did you move from?” It seemed safer to talk about Jared now.

“Most recently? From Edmonds, in Washington, just north of Seattle. You lived here your whole life?” Jared stopped near the front of the car and waited.

“Born and raised,” Jensen confirmed with a nod and stopped beside Jared, smiling up at him. “How many times have you moved? And have I mentioned you have stunning eyes?” He might have blushed at giving the compliment but it was worth it to see Jared smile.

“You haven’t mentioned it -- but thank you.” Jared looked down and let his hair fall forward a little. He knew he was going to blush if Jensen kept it up. “And we’ve moved a lot -- maybe every couple of years at least, since I was a kid. This last time was- well, kinda spur of the moment. Hey. I don’t live all that far from here; you wanna walk to the park with me? Is your car okay here?” He looked around and the parking lot seemed well lit and busy.

A walk with Jared? Jensen could definitely be okay with that. He had a thousand questions for him -- like, _are you gay?_ \-- but he wasn’t brave enough to ask that yet. So he nodded and smoothed one hand up through his hair.

“Yeah, it should be fine. So, can I ask why you moved the last time? Or any of the times, I guess. Is your dad in the army?” Of course, there wasn’t any base around here, but maybe Jared’s dad was a secret member of the FBI or something.

Jared frowned and rubbed at his forehead. It always came up sooner or later; he was just hoping later might work for Jensen. “No. My... well, I live with my Uncle Jeff and he’s kinda non-traditional. Has some trouble sticking to one profession, you know?” Looking around, Jared spotted a familiar back lane. “Come on; this is a shortcut.”

“You know shortcuts already? You must walk a lot,” Jensen chuckled and happily followed Jared down the trail. It was unusual to just _trust_ someone, to not worry about what might be the bigger picture. Jared had saved him twice now, so Jensen supposed he deserved that trust. “Where do you work at?” What he wanted to ask was about Jared’s uncle, and his parents, but the hesitation in the boy’s voice spoke volumes. And Jensen didn’t want to scare off the only potential real friend he’d ever had.

“I... well, it’s not really great. I mean, it’s just until I can find something else -- something a bit better. Got a job at the grocery store over on Third. You know, stocking, cleaning, picking up the carts and stuff. It’s a small store -- so they kinda needed help.” Anyone who really needed help was more likely to overlook the fact that Jared moved all the time.

“Yeah, I know it,” Jensen nodded and bit his lip as his side bumped into Jared’s while they walked. “Your shoes are a size too small,” Jensen blurted, because, well, he wanted to say something interesting and that was the first thing that came to mind. Jensen looked up at him, smiling wryly. “Sorry, that was kind of rude. I just noticed.”

Jared looked down at his old sneakers and took a sip of his coffee. “They’re my favorite pair. I wasn’t born six-foot-five, ya know. It’s hard for me to- well, I like these ones,” Jared shrugged and looked over at Jensen. “How come you notice things like that?”

“I don’t know. Because the only thing people ever talk to me about is fashion, so I’ve learned. Anyway, I could see your toes; they’re too high up. I wasn’t trying to insult your clothing.” Jensen scrunched his face up and laughed softly, rubbing the tip of his nose. “Let’s talk about something else. So what’s your uncle like?”

“Let’s talk about you,” Jared urged. “Why do people only ask you about fashion?” Pushing his lips up into a smile, Jared led Jensen out of the alley and across the road into the grassy park.

“Because people are horrible with stereotypes,” Jensen shrugged and looked down at his coat. “Well, you know, I also dress nice.” Jensen drained the last of his coffee and stepped to the side, tossing it into the garbage. “I like fashion, I suppose. When I was younger, I used to imagine myself as a designer. Still love _Project Runway_. So maybe I play a little into the stereotypes.”

“Nothing wrong with fashion; it’s really creative. You ever design anything?” Jared moved around Jensen quickly and tossed the rest of his coffee then jogged a few steps to catch up. Pulling some mints out of his pocket, he offered Jensen one and then shook one into his own mouth.

“Just on paper.” Jensen tossed a few mints into his mouth and frowned. “You ever have a dream and you just know it’s not going to come true? So then it’s like, try and make it happen ‘though it’ll get you nowhere or just give up. I don’t know. This is seriously the longest conversation I’ve ever had with someone.”

Jared looked at Jensen quickly.

“Wait a second. How do you know that things you want won’t happen?” He filed away the fact that Jensen hadn’t had a long conversation with someone -- he found it kind of hard to believe. But then, the world was kind of full of unbelievable things -- Jared just had to take a look at his own life to realize that.

For a while, Jensen didn’t know how to answer, so he just followed Jared toward the playground, dropping onto one of the swings and slowly pushing himself back and forth. “My mom died when I was really little; it’s just my dad and me. And this town, it’s not really overflowing with career-making schools. Point is, I’m not going to go to some giant design school or... any of that stuff. I’ve known that for a long time.”

Walking around behind the swing, Jared pressed his hands to Jensen’s back and pushed gently, smiling when the boy leaned back a little. It was automatic, knowing how to swing. “I don’t wanna sound like a guidance counselor or something but what about scholarships? Things like that? You seem pretty smart.”

“It’s not really about any of that stuff, money.” Jensen clutched the swing a little tighter and closed his eyes, trying not to completely swoon at the idea of Jared pushing him on the swings. “It’s my dad. Just don’t know if I can do that to him, leave. I know I wasn’t the son he thought he’d get, but I can try and be. In my own ways.”

“What’s wrong with the son you are?” Jared liked the way Jensen leaned back into his hands a little when he pushed him. _Trust_. They could still count the time they’d known each other in hours -- but Jensen trusted him. “Seem like a good guy to me.”

“Are you gay?” Jensen asked before he could stop himself. He didn’t take the question back though, didn’t even apologize, just continued to slowly pump his legs and savor each touch of Jared’s hands on his back.

“Why?” Jared pushed Jensen a little gentler then caught the chains of the swing when it came back, bringing it to a stop so Jensen was leaning against his body. “Does it matter?”

“Yes.” Jensen closed his eyes, pursing his lips as he tried to adjust to the heat of Jared standing behind him. “It does.”

“No, I’m not.” Jared slid his hands down the chains a little until they were just barely touching Jensen’s. “I’ve- well, I guess I’m bi. S’just people -- you know? People are attractive to me. Is that okay?” He felt a little nip of worry because he’d heard all the insults before.

“Does that matter?” Jensen pushed off the swing, turning to face Jared and slowly reaching out so his hands curled over Jared’s on the chains. “If I care, I mean, that you’re bi or not. Does that matter?”

“Well, I mean it’s not gonna change who I am if you don’t like it. But yeah, it matters. You seemed to want to know stuff about me before and that’s... something about me.” Jared was gazing down into the Jensen’s eyes, watching the way the boy’s lashes swept gracefully when he blinked.

“That wasn’t the answer I was looking for,” Jensen laughed softly and shook his head, turning to drop onto the swing again. “Do you not like talking about yourself?” He leaned slightly back against Jared once more and closed his eyes, maybe a little dizzy from this thing between them.

“Looking for answers is dangerous. What do you wanna know? I’ve answered all your questions.” Jared slid his hand down and grabbed Jensen’s hand. “C’mon.”

Jensen frowned as he followed Jared, watching him take a seat on the wooden step up to the jungle gym before slowly sitting beside him. “So, still going with the mysterious gang member, huh?” He folded his hands in his lap, looking over at Jared. “For the record, I wasn’t looking for a different personal answer, it was… I don’t know. Forget it. So... dangerous?”

“Dangerous? Am I dangerous?” Jared huffed out a small laugh and kicked the toes of his sneakers in the sand at their feet. “I live with my uncle and work at a grocery story. Does that sound dangerous?” Frowning, he brushed his hair back off his face. “And, yes, I’m interested in you. You could have just asked.” Heat was creeping into his cheeks and he pulled the sleeves of his jacket down over his hands.

“Why would I ask something like that?” Jensen looked at Jared and the words blossomed out in him, filling him with heat and a smile he couldn’t help. “Have you dated a lot of people?” He wanted to touch Jared’s hair but even knowing he was interested didn’t make it easier.

“I’ve dated some people. But like I said, I’ve moved around a lot -- you know how people are. Everyone says they’ll stay in touch and it happens for a while but then people’s lives get in the way. What about you?” Jared turned to face Jensen and smiled.

“No.” Jensen shook his head and laughed. “I really was serious about the only gay in town. So guys and girls? You’ve dated both?” Jensen was admittedly insanely curious about the whole dating thing and the smile on Jared’s lips wasn’t helping anything.

“Yeah. More guys, probably. People take a chance on me when they think I won’t be around long. Human nature, I guess. You’ve never dated anyone?” Jared tilted his head to the side and reached over to trace the smooth surface of the button on Jensen’s jacket sleeve.

“No, I’ve never dated anyone.” Jensen wondered about Jared and the reason he kept mentioning the not being around for a while thing. It made something unpleasant stir in him. “Are you not going to be here long?”

Jared sighed, smile fading slightly and leaned back against the post behind him. “I’d like to stay here but my life is complicated. It’s just hard to know how things are gonna go for me. For me and Uncle Jeff.” Rolling his bottom lip under his teeth, he turned away from Jensen and looked out over the park. “Guess you don’t wanna hang out with me if I’m gonna go, huh?”

“We can hang out.” Jensen reached out and touched Jared’s arm, fingers curling over them. “I’ve never really had someone to hang out with.” He wasn’t going to lie; his mind instantly went to that place of _more_ , but Jared was saying a lot without saying it all. It was like a disclaimer that he wasn’t planning on this place being his permanent home. “Why is it complicated?”

“You ask a lot of questions. Can we just... can we not talk about it right now? I just-” Jared sighed and slid his hand over Jensen’s, fingers pushing between the other boys. “Do you ever want to just pretend that things are different? You know, just _not_ think about all the stuff that goes on? Pretend you’re someone else?”

“Only all the time,” Jensen laughed ruefully and looked down at their hands before looking away. “Sorry, I just wanted to get to know you.” He shrugged and squeezed Jared’s fingers once before pulling back. He wasn’t completely sure how he felt about this thing now besides knowing it was _new_ and different.

“Why do you keep doing that?” Jared turned and looked at Jensen.

“Doing what?” Jensen looked up at him, slightly startled and smiling uncertainly.

“Pulling away from me. You don’t like touching me?” Jared dropped his head a little, bending closer to Jensen. The shorter boy’s lips looked soft, the kind of lips that should be kissed.

“Of course I like touching you,” Jensen laughed weakly and shook his head. “I’m just not used to it. Guess I keep expecting you to pull away? I don’t know.”

“So you pull away first? Make sure I don’t have a chance to do it? Kind of a bad life strategy; you could miss out on a lot that way.” Jared smiled and sank back against the post again then pulled his knees up. He looked out over the park again and rubbed his eyes. They were sore, tired, maybe a little strained. He really needed more sleep. “Things are complicated with Uncle Jeff, ‘cause he’s not well. I kinda- try and take care of him. But you can’t tell anyone. I mean,” he corrected quickly, “don’t mention it to anyone, okay? Jeff, well, he doesn’t like anyone to know.”

“Okay. I don’t know your uncle, though I’m sure it’ll be okay.” Jensen smiled tentatively over at Jared then looked away. “You can tell me; I won’t say anything to anyone. Maybe talking about it would feel good? How sick is he?”

“Jensen, please.” Jared rubbed a hand down his face and folded his arms. “I can’t.” The cool evening air was starting to seep through his thin jacket and Jared shivered slightly. “I should walk you back to your car.”

There wasn’t a part of Jensen that wanted this to be over, even though he felt like all of his insides were tangled up and he didn’t know how to _act_ around Jared without feeling foolish. “I can walk myself, if you have to go. I don’t think Calahan is waiting around any corners.”

“Are you saying that because you don’t want my company?” Jared hopped down off the jungle gym. “Or because you think I don’t want to be with you?” Sadness crept across his chest, heavy and thick. He liked Jensen. He liked him a lot.

“Do I get to tell you that you ask too many questions?” Jensen frowned over at Jared and sighed. “None of this is about me not wanting to spend time with you. Because trust me, I do, a lot. I’m the one who waited for you after your detention, remember?”

“Okay. I’m gonna just-” Jared waved over his shoulder. “My house is right over there.” He picked his bag up and swung it over his shoulder. “Guess I’ll see you at school.”

Heat crawled up Jensen’s cheeks and this time it had nothing to do with warm flutters in his stomach. He wondered if this was part of the dating thing too, massive confusion and the weird pinch in his chest.

“Okay,” he finally said when he felt a little more certain it wouldn’t be tinged with anything weird. “Um, see you.” Jensen spun on his heels and headed across the park, replaying the scene in his mind just to figure out all the things he’d done wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

When Jensen got home from the disastrous _whatever_ with Jared in the park, he was already in a bad mood. So finding his dad waiting for him at the dinner table was not what he wanted to see.

“Hey, where have you been?” Alan frowned, shifting the stacks of paper in front of him.

“Out,” Jensen shrugged and slid his bag off, hanging it on the rack. “Just hanging out with... some kid from school. A friend. I don’t know. What’s going on?”

Alan was obviously a little curious about who Jensen was spending time with -- because of how rarely he did -- but his attention was drawn to the papers in front of him. “Well, I had to pick up some parts in the city today and I stopped by the library. I got you these.”

Frowning, Jensen crossed to the table and slowly reached out, pulling up the first thing, which turned out to be a magazine for a school. They all were. All schools across the country. Jensen thought his dad probably expected him to be excited but that sinking in his gut simply intensified. “I wasn’t going to apply to college.”

“The hell you’re not. I’ve worked hard to save up money for you to go to school.” Alan frowned, and Jensen hadn’t even known that before now. “I’m not saying I can afford to send you _anywhere_ but school loans… we can make it work.”

“So you’re just okay with me going halfway across the country for school?” Jensen dropped the magazine, staring at his father in disbelief.

Alan looked even more confused than he had before and he shifted in his seat, standing to head to the kitchen. “It’s college, Jensen. Just because I’ve spent my whole life in this town doesn’t mean you have to. You’d do good in school.”

“What about the shop? You can’t live forever and run it. As it is, you should already be taking more days off. It won’t be ‘Ackles’ if someone else runs it.” Jensen pressed his hand over his hip, pursing his lips to rein back the emotion.

“Oh come on, Jensen. You’re not gonna run the shop,” Alan laughed, opening his beer and turning to Jensen with a softening smile. “I know you know your stuff, son, but you get upset when your Marc whatevers get wet; how you gonna be around grease all day? And who’s gonna take you serious as a mechanic? No, I think school’s the right choice for you. It’s college, Jensen; you’ll have a lot of fun. Meet some more... people like you.”

Jensen dipped his head and slowly nodded, bending to scoop up the magazines and turning. “I’ll just get looking at these then,” he said quietly and crossed the room before his dad could see the tears in his eyes. “I’ll be up to make dinner in a few.”

“Don’t worry about me. Stopped on the drive home and got a burger.” Alan still sounded confused, following Jensen down the hall. “You okay? Something happen today?”

“I’m fine, Dad,” Jensen said flatly and headed down the steps to his room. He loved his dad, really, but he knew the man wouldn’t push things. Because he was a guy, and guys thought _I’m fine_ really meant he was.

It was really a pain in the ass that Jensen had to be this complex _thing_ that was stupidly hurt because his dad wanted him to go to college. Because... he’d always thought he was _needed_ here and it turned out that wasn’t true. He tried, and tried, and all it got him was another of those weights on his shoulders.

Jensen supposed he was lucky in some ways. He had a good home, his dad was going to send him to school apparently, and just because he was the only gay boy in school didn’t mean much besides being apparently retarded when it came to not epically failing with the first guy who was ever interested in him. He hardly even knew about Jared’s life but he already figured he had it better than him, so Jensen was an ass for feeling so sorry for himself.

Knowing all that, though, didn’t make the ache in his chest any easier to deal with. He dumped all the magazines for colleges on the desk and his bag on the chair. Then he curled in a ball under his blankets and only mostly hoped not to wake up in the morning.

-=-=-=-

True to what Jared had said the day before, Calahan was on his best behavior with Jensen the following day. Which was to say he went the route of completely ignoring Jensen. Apparently the coach must have gotten the message because all the jocks ignored him. In fact, word of Jared sticking up for Jensen must have spread, because it seemed like everyone was going out of their way to pretend he didn’t exist.

Oddly enough, Jensen almost missed being slammed into lockers. There was probably something wrong with him. He supposed getting used to one sort of attention made it hard to have any other kind -- or the non kind.

He didn’t look for Jared because that hadn’t ever worked before. Instead, he headed to the library, mildly wishing he’d just stayed home during his free first hour. But his dad had insisted on looking at some of the college magazines during breakfast and Jensen thankfully had school as an excuse.

Taking a seat at the table furthest from the front of the library, Jensen laid his arms on the desk and dropped his head on them. Maybe he should ask his dad about therapy, because clearly he had to talk to _someone_ who could tell him why feeling this way was horrible.

“You’re hard to find,” Jared said quietly. Sinking down onto the chair beside Jensen, he slid it closer so he could keep his voice down.

Jensen had spent a good portion of the night before thinking about what to say to Jared if they happened to run into each other. He thought he would have more time, honestly, to prepare. Looking up, he smiled briefly at Jared then shrugged. “Don’t have a class this hour; normally, I clean at home.”

“You doing anything tonight?” Jared brushed his thumb over the back of Jensen’s hand and smiled at him. The walk home from the park had taken Jared longer than it should have because he was so wrapped up thinking about Jensen he actually got a little lost. It hadn’t gone quite the way he’d wanted it to but he had plans to fix that.

“No.” Jensen shook his head and watched Jared’s thumb sliding over his skin. When he looked back up, his smile grew again and he let his leg fall to the side, knee bumping Jared’s under the table. “At the moment, my schedule is completely free.”

“I get off work at nine; come pick me up?” Shifting a little closer, Jared looked around and leaned in, lips almost against Jensen’s ear. “Want to spend some time with you; promise to answer all your questions.” His heart was thumping a little harder now he was sitting so close to Jensen; it was a little crazy but he liked the way it felt.

Not for the first time since he met Jared, all the air whooshed out of Jensen’s lungs and he closed his eyes, dipping his head in a nod.

“Pick you up from work?” He tilted toward Jared until the sides of their cheeks were brushing and a soft, only slightly giddy laugh fell from his lips. “I promise not to ask a million questions.”

“Okay,” Jared whispered. His smiled broadened and he turned to Jensen’s cheek to press his lips there quickly. “See you then.” Shoving the chair back, he stood and disappeared through the stacks.

Jensen slowly lifted his hand and pressed it to his cheek, closing his eyes. He hadn’t thought Jared would be the one to sweep in and lifted his bad mood just like that but he probably shouldn’t have been surprised. After all, Jared had already saved his life twice; maybe this was just another way he was going to do it. And though Jensen was certain he was going to make an idiot of himself once more, he’d always have the memory of the kiss on the cheek to make it better.

-=-=-=-

“Hey, Dad, I know this has never been a question before but… what time is my curfew?” Jensen called, stopping in front of the mirror in the hall though he’d already spent two hours in front of his own mirror.

“Curfew? Uh, well, I guess it’s a school night.” Alan cleared his throat, distracted from his game for the moment. “One? Is that too late for a school night?”

“I don’t think I’ll be out that late. But it’s good to know.” Jensen nodded and slowly inhaled, flicking a final piece of hair into place. It took a great deal of work to get his hair to look just right without using an abundance of gel. He wanted it to be smooth and silky in case Jared wanted to slide his hand through it. _Just_ in case.

“Where are you going?” Alan called again, though this time he sounded more distracted by the game.

“I have...” Jensen came into the living room and grabbed his coat from the rack. “I don’t know. I mean, my friend, Jared, he asked if I wanted to hang out. I don’t know what we’re doing or if it’s a date or how I should act.” Jensen laughed nervously and slipped quickly into his coat.

This had Alan looking from the game, his eyes widening. “A date? Do I know Jared? I didn’t realize there were other... you know, at your school.”

Jensen sighed and rolled his eyes. “ _Gay_ is not a swear word, Dad. And I said I didn’t know. He’s new. I think we’re just hanging out. I’ll have my phone and be no later than one.”

Before his dad could say anything more, Jensen quickly hurried out the door. The last thing he needed was his dad suddenly deciding he wanted to be worried about his son’s dating habits. Just because it hadn’t been part of the equation before didn’t mean anything. And Jensen had been amping himself for this all day; he didn’t want his dad freaking him out.

The drive across town to the small grocery store Jared worked in didn’t take that long, and Jensen had left with plenty of time to spare. He’d been trying to imagine what Jared wanted to do, where they’d go, but it was actually more fun to be surprised. There was this giddy, nervous excitement building in Jensen and he could hardly stand it.

Which was probably why he stopped at Nicolette’s though they really didn’t need coffee so late at night. He tried to make Jared’s coffee like he had the day before but he tucked extra cream and sugar in his pockets just in case. It was just about nine when Jensen pulled into the nearly empty lot and he considered whether to get out or stay in the car for a few moments until suddenly the passenger door was opening.

“Hey.” Jensen tried to school back his start of surprise and laughed. “I was trying to figure out if the appropriate thing to do in this situation was wait outside for you or stay in the car. Anyway, hi.”

“Hi.” Jared slumped back into the seat and sighed happily. “Some days feel really long. ‘Specially when I’m looking forward to something. How you doing?” Rolling his head on the seat, Jared grinned over at Jensen through the hair that had fallen over his eyes.

Before Jensen could second-guess himself, he reached out and brushed the hair off Jared’s brow. “I’m doing okay. The evening felt long for me too. I spent a long time in the mirror.” He chuckled and leaned a little closer to Jared before clearing his throat and looking down. “Also, I brought coffee for you. Hopefully it’s made the way you like it but I brought extra cream and sugar just in case.”

“God, you’re awesome, and from what I can see…” Jared cleared his throat. “You look really good.” A swatch of blue was just visible at the neck of Jensen’s coat and Jared reached out to touch it without even thinking. “Soft,” he murmured.

Jensen thought if he spent enough time with Jared, he might die. Mainly because his breath kept hitching and his heart kept skipping beats.

“I think you look really good too, considering you worked and all. I never would have guessed. Your hair is kind of amazing.” Jensen smiled shyly at him and once more slipped a few fingers back through Jared’s hair; it was so soft and silky, Jensen just wanted to bury his fingers in it.

A little shiver skittered down Jared’s neck at the touch and he closed his eyes for a moment before wetting his lips.

“Okay, so you can do that any time you want.” Blinking a few times, he smiled at Jensen again. “I thought about this all day. You can choose; we can either go out for coffee or we can go back to my place. Just to show you around,” he added quickly.

“Well, we have coffee,” Jensen pointed out and smiled over at Jared. “And I have a late curfew so let’s go to your place. We might as well be comfortable, right? It won’t disturb your uncle?” Jensen wanted to slide his hand through Jared’s hair again but they were still sitting in the parking lot and all. When they got to Jared’s, though? Definitely.

Jared looked down at the coffee and sat back a little when he picked up his cup.

“He’s gone for a couple days. I even cleaned up a little before work; you know, in case you wanted to come over.” Bringing his cup up to his lips, he took a small sip and concentrated on the sugary sweetness.

“So we’ll be completely alone?” Jensen asked quietly and tried not to think about all the ways he could make that a bad thing. Or a good thing. Whatever. “Okay. So, lead the way.” Jensen slipped the car into drive once more and pulled out of the lot, smiling over at Jared as he headed in the general direction of the park.

“Just turn right on Fourth and go straight up ‘til the park.” Jared took another sip of coffee and turned to stare over at Jensen’s profile. “You have a cute nose.” He grinned, because he could see the pink tinge beginning to color Jensen’s cheek.

“Shut up. Noses aren’t cute; they’re inconveniences to our personal appearances.” Jensen glanced over at Jared, smiling when a streetlight illuminated him. “Oh, alright; your nose is pretty cute too. Hey, do you know how to drive? I mean, do you have your license?” Jensen flushed even brighter because he hadn’t meant to make it sound as horrible as it did.

Laughing, Jared put his coffee back in the drink holder. “I do know how to drive. I’m still saving for a car but something always seems to come up, you know?” Maybe Jensen didn’t know -- Jared wasn’t really sure. His laughter died away and he spotted the traffic lights near his turnoff. “Turn right at the light and keep going straight.”

Following Jared’s directions, Jensen nodded before glancing at him once more. “You know, I could help you fix it up for cheap. I mean, if you found a car you really wanted for cheap enough but it needed work? I’d totally do it for free.” Jensen pulled into the dirt driveway of the house Jared had indicated, slowly observing the rundown house before him. There were no shutters, the paneling was faded, there was no yard or paved driveway. Looking over at Jared once more, he smiled. “Just keep it in mind, in case you do find that perfect car.”

“Thanks,” Jared replied. He knew what his house looked like; he knew the way he’d felt when Jeff had first shown it to him. It wasn’t the worst place they’d ever lived in but it certainly wasn’t the best. “It’s nicer inside,” he added. Picking up his coffee, he gazed over at Jensen for a few moments then pushed his door open and climbed out.

Frowning slightly, Jensen grabbed his own coffee and hurried after Jared, glancing over his shoulder at nothing. The inside of the house was just as bare as the outside, just a coffee table and the couch in the front living room. Wetting his lips, Jensen slowly pressed his fingertips to Jared’s back. “I like it. Seems very… minimalisticly modern. So what do you when your uncle isn’t home?”

“Hang out in my room and listen to music. C’mon; I’ll show you.” Jared slipped his hand in Jensen’s and pulled the other boy down the short hallway. “This one’s mine.” Letting go of Jensen’s fingers, Jared stuffed his hand into his pocket and pulled out a key so he could unlock his bedroom door. Pushing the door open, he smiled. His room was _home_ ; bits and pieces of all the places he had ever lived, the people who had moved through his life over the years.

The room was painted a deep shade of red and Jensen stared at the walls for a little while before looking around. The bed was noticeably large, one of those fold-out kinds, with a fluffy black pillow. The walls had pictures of houses and apartment buildings and Jensen frowned curiously as he walked across the room.

“I love it,” he finally murmured and lifted an older picture of Jared with a couple. “Are these your parents?”

“Yeah, Mom and Dad. That was taken a long time ago.” Jared picked up another frame. “This is Jeff; I liked his smile in this picture. He doesn’t smile as much anymore.” Things had changed a lot for Jared and Jeff over the years; not always for the better.

Watching Jared so fondly look at the picture had Jensen’s heart aching slightly and he reached out, touching his arm.

“May I ask what happened to them? Your parents? You don’t have to answer if it’s too much to talk about.” Jensen couldn’t help being insanely curious. There was a definite sadness in Jared’s gaze that made Jensen want to hug him or something.

“Car accident. I- it’s-” Jared sighed and ran his hand through his hair. All those years and it still wasn’t any easier to talk about. “Mom and Dad had been away for a couple weeks on vacation. Jeff went to pick them up and he was… well, on the drive home there was an accident. Jeff hit another car head-on.”

Jared grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and wiped unseen dust off the photo before putting it back on the desk.

“My mom died right away. She wasn’t wearing her seat belt. Dad made it to the hospital.” Jared could remember bits of the night colored by seven-year-old eyes. “Jeff was okay, mostly; his leg was smashed up. But the doctor told Dad that Mom had died and Dad just- well, Jeff said that Dad just gave up. He died less than an hour later.”

Jared reached out for Jensen’s hand and pressed their palms together as though he was comparing them.

“Aunt Katherine wanted me, but Jeff- Jeff said he wanted to be there for me. I don’t know -- some crazy kind of penance.” Jared looked up, threading his fingers through Jensen’s. “Sorry, long story.”

“Don’t apologize,” Jensen whispered and stared up at Jared, swallowing thickly before stepping forward, tugging his hand free and wrapping his arms around the taller boy. He laid his head on Jared’s shoulder and closed his eyes, squeezing so Jared had no choice but to hug him back. “I’m sorry, Jared. I can’t… well, I can only kind of imagine what it must have been like. How old were you?”

“Seven.” Jared was a little surprised to suddenly have Jensen pressed up against him; surprised and certainly not unhappy. His arms slid around Jensen’s waist and he turned into the boy’s perfectly spiked hair. It was softer than he expected.

“God.” Jensen sighed softly and slowly shook his head. It took him a few moments to realize that he was actually _hugging_ Jared and that made everything suddenly burn in a way that Jensen didn’t think was appropriate for the moment. “Are you happy with Jeff?” Jensen lifted his head and peered up at Jared, not really wanting to let go of him. “I mean, do you two get along?”

“Hey, c’mon, we’re supposed to be on a date, not talkin’ about all my sad shit.” Jared smiled down at Jensen and slid one palm up the shorter boy’s back until he could feel the skin at the nape of his neck. It was about as crazy soft and smooth as he had expected. “We _are_ on a date, aren’t we?” Blinking slowly, Jared rubbed the back of Jensen’s neck.

Jensen wet his lips and stared wide-eyed up at Jared. He was very distinctly aware of all the little things: Jared’s fingers moving through his hair, their bodies pressed together, the race of his heart. And the word _date_ echoing around in his mind like something heart-stopping.

“Yeah. I’ve never been on a date,” he laughed ruefully and slowly reached up, curving his fingers along Jared’s neck. “You’re kind of surreal.”

“Surreal?” Jared’s brow furrowed slightly and his gaze flitted to Jensen’s lips and then back up again. “Should probably make sure you know I’m real then.” His heart was beating a little faster, and he was pretty sure it was Jensen’s fault.

“How would you do that?” Jensen wasn’t sure when this had turned into a whispering conversation, but it was, and he couldn’t get his voice louder. He watched Jared’s eyes slide down and up and down again and his body slumped a little more toward Jared’s. “Jared?”

“I could… I could maybe kiss you. That might... make it more real.” Jared’s tongue flicked out and wet his lips slowly. Jensen’s eyes were locked on his, darkening, and Jared felt a little like he could get lost in them if he wasn’t careful.

Swallowing thickly, Jensen’s mind suddenly slammed with a variety of painful thoughts. Like, how he’d never been kissed and he was really going to suck at this and then Jared wouldn’t want to spend time with him anymore. Or how his breath and mouth smelled and tasted like coffee and that couldn’t be appealing. He wondered if it would break the mood if he stepped aside to chew some gum or something. Then he realized he’d been staring silently up at Jared for at least a full minute and he forced himself to speak. “I’m kinda scared.”

“What’s to be scared about?” Jared’s smile softened and his fingers slid up further into Jensen’s hair. “It’s pretty easy. I just… I lean a little closer.” Jared ducked his head down, his lips so close to Jensen’s he could feel the heat of them. He could feel Jensen shaking slightly and rubbed his fingers along the trembling boy’s scalp gently. “Okay?”

“Okay,” Jensen breathed and he could barely hear the word, just felt the air fall across his lips. His eyes closed because Jared was too close and trying to look at him made his vision blur. Part of Jensen wanted to turn and run, not because he was scared of Jared, but more because the flutter in his chest and the shake of his fingers told him the way he was feeling could be so much bigger than he was ready for. At the first little brush of Jared’s lips over his, Jensen thought his knees might give out, and a startled small gasp left his lips against his control.

The room suddenly felt a little too big and the world a little too small. Jensen’s lips parted with a small puff of air and Jared pressed forward slightly, tilting his head just enough to slide their lips together smoothly. Heat spun down his body and he slipped his arm up under Jensen’s to hold him close; he’d never felt anyone tremble like that and it made his heart ache with something bittersweet.

Pulling back slowly, he let out a shaky sigh and pressed his forehead to Jensen’s. “There, that was... I-” Jared’s lips curved up into a faint smile, Jensen’s breath still tickling his lips. “You’re gonna break my heart, aren’t you?”

“No,” Jensen gasped softly and kept his eyes closed. He could still feel the tingling of his lips and his heart was racing so fast it was painful. “Think you’ll break mine, though.” He curled his fingers into the back of Jared’s shirt, a little concerned about how weak his knees suddenly felt. “I might need to sit down.”

Walking them backwards slowly, Jared turned and let his arms slide back around Jensen’s body and down his arms until they were holding hands again. Lowering Jensen down onto his bed, Jared smiled and knelt down in front of him. “Better?”

“Yeah.” Jensen flushed and looked down at Jared, chuckling ruefully. “I must look totally like an idiot. At least I didn’t pass out or something.” He shrugged and wet his lips, wondering if he could still taste Jared there. “How old were you when you first got kissed?”

Laughing softly, Jared settled in closer. “You don’t look like an idiot and I was twelve. Marie from down the street. Had a bit of a crush on her.” Jared couldn’t stop looking up at Jensen’s face; the boy’s lashes were so long. “So, this was... much better. A lot better.”

“Twelve?” Jensen repeated and huffed a laugh, head dipping down so he could peer at his thighs. “Have you done other stuff? I mean, yeah, of course you have because you’re gorgeous and you kept saying stuff about people in other places.” Jensen sighed and lifted his hands, covering the heat on his cheeks. “Can I ask if your uncle knows that you like guys?” Jensen knew he was all over the place but he couldn’t help it, the whole thing was making his mind spin.

“Yeah.” Jared dropped his gaze finally. “Jeff knows. He prefers to joke about me being a modern kind of _kid_ ; whatever makes him happy.” Jared’s fingers slid higher on Jensen’s thighs, squeezing gently. “You keep goin’ back to talking about my family. What about yours?”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Jensen shrugged and let his fingers rest over Jared’s. “And I just wanted to make sure because I told myself I’d never date anyone in the closet.” Jensen would rather ask about Jared; his own life was boring and uneventful.

Jared’s smiled spread across his face and he knelt up a little higher.

“Any other requirements before...” He shrugged a shoulder and brushed his lips along Jensen’s cheek. His hands slid higher, inching closer to Jensen’s hips.

“Before what?” Jensen half whispered, half gasped, and he twitched into Jared’s touch because he could help it. “Got some plans for the evening?” The situation hit him blindingly fast once more. He was sitting on Jared’s bed, again almost kissing him, the heat of the boy right _there_ , and suddenly Jensen could imagine a lot more than kissing.

“Was kinda hoping you would kiss me this time.” Jared’s lashes fluttered closed briefly as he felt a shiver move down Jensen’s body. “Wanna know something else about me?” The tip of Jared’s nose trailed down along Jensen’s cheek and traced the length of the boy’s jaw.

Heat burned through Jensen and he bit down hard on his lip to keep from moaning or making any other embarrassing noises. His hands were clutching the blankets on either sides of his thighs and even something as simple as swallowing felt difficult.

“What?” he finally choked out, not sure if he could hear Jared’s words over the race of pulse in his ears.

“My favorite part of a guy’s body.” Jared’s voice was deep, his chest tight and his entire body buzzing. Spreading his fingers wide, he slipped a finger just under the soft material of Jensen’s shirt just as his lips brushed the boy’s ear. “Right there,” he whispered. “That little bit of skin just above your jeans.”

“Oh,” Jensen whispered and shuddered, eyes snapping open to fix on the far wall of Jared’s room. “It feels...” He gasped softly, feeling suddenly far too small. He’d definitely never been this turned on before and he had no idea how to react, whether he should touch Jared or not. “I feel like I’m on fire,” he laughed weakly, tilting his head toward Jared.

“Me too,” Jared replied softly. Pushing up off the floor, he nudged at Jensen’s chest until the sorter boy had no choice but to lie down, then settled beside him. Burying his nose in Jensen’s hair, he slid his hand up over the soft blue shirt, mapping out the curves of Jensen’s chest. Jensen’s body felt so good under his palm, firm and hot, and Jared could feel that familiar burn of want deep in his belly. “Kiss me, Jensen.”

Jensen honestly couldn’t remember how he’d even gotten here. It felt like the entire evening was just a blur and somehow he’d magically ended up on Jared’s bed, with the boy’s hand sliding over his too-thin shirt. And he wasn’t sure if he wasn’t just dreaming.

“Jared,” he whispered and turned to him, blinking a few times before pressing forward. His lips were off-center at first, brushing along the corner of Jared’s mouth before he slid over, parting his lips over Jared’s and praying it was the right type of move to make.

Jared let out a small moan, deep and rough, and slid his hand up to cup the back of Jensen’s neck. The way Jensen’s lips parted so tentatively was about the hottest thing Jared had ever felt, and he felt the tingle of pleasure dancing along his spine. Holding Jensen there, he pushed forward slightly to deepen the kiss, and the way Jensen just gave himself up to it was amazing.

There was fire smoldering its way through Jared’s veins; he was sure of it. That slight tremble was back in Jensen’s back and Jared shifted closer, pressing hard against the smaller boy’s hip. Slipping his tongue forward, he ran it along Jensen’s full bottom lip. He tasted sweet and a little like coffee, and Jared smiled slightly against his mouth.

Too many years of dreaming about his first kiss, this _whole_ thing, made actually experiencing it a bit insane. Jared’s tongue was soft against his, his body hard, and each touch too hot, burning through Jensen until he literally felt like he was going to lose his mind. He pulled back from the kiss and sucked in a breath, suddenly acutely aware of Jared’s hard-on against his hip. _Jesus Christ_. No one had ever warned him it would feel like this.

“Jared,” he whispered, hand pressing against Jared’s chest.

Blinking his eyes open, Jared rolled forward slightly.

“It’s okay, just relax.” Leaning down, he kissed Jensen’s cheek, then the corner of his mouth. “You’re makin’ me feel kinda drunk,” he said softly. It was dizzying, the way his blood was racing and the heat was flooding through his body. Jared had never felt like that before and all he could focus on was that he wanted _more_.

“You’re telling me,” Jensen laughed quietly and turned to Jared, letting their lips meet once more. He hesitated a moment before letting his hand slide up into Jared’s hair, gently curling among the strands. He’d never imagined getting a boy that he could actually make out with in bed and that was just a little exhilarating. He hoped there would be a lot of making out in the future.

The heat built again in Jared’s body, his hips rolling forward minutely to press his aching hard-on against Jensen’s hip. He found it hard to believe that Jensen had never kissed anyone before; the way the boy’s lips moved so languidly, his tongue slipping forward to meet Jared’s, the way his fingers were tangled in his hair. Each slide of their lips together sent shivers down Jared’s spine.

Rolling forward, he lay half across Jensen’s body, leg sliding over the other boy’s hips. “God, you’re...”

His lips moved against Jensen’s and Jared shuddered and sank forward to claim Jensen’s mouth in a rough kiss.

Jensen didn’t anticipate the press of Jared’s body over his, holding him down against the mattress as their lips moved together. The air that was left in his lungs rushed out faster and his hands faltered, something joining the tangle of sensations in the pit of his stomach. He moaned, fighting against the next shudder from Jared’s firm touch. He pulled back from the kiss once more, his lips feeling rough and swollen.

“Jared,” he whispered, since it seemed to be the only word he knew at the moment.

Then Jared’s lips were back against his again and Jensen couldn’t help sucking on the boy’s tongue as it slid forward. He could do this; it was sort of a natural thing, if he listened to Jared and just relaxed.

Jared’s breath was coming faster. He wanted Jensen, it felt almost like he _needed_ him, and that kind of rocked through Jared and urged him on. Propping himself up on his hands, Jared bit down on Jensen’s bottom lip and dragged it out before letting go so he could mouth his way down the smaller boy’s neck. Nosing into the sweet-smelling skin at the top of Jensen’s shoulder, Jared moaned. Rolling his hips down, he sucked hard on the skin under his lips, drawing the blood to the surface and pinning Jensen’s hips down with his own.

Eyes fluttering open, Jensen stared up at the ceiling, a little unsure that his heart might have actually stopped. Jared’s weight was a constant, pressing warmth, their hips sliding together through denim, and a weak moan fell from Jensen’s lips. This couldn’t be happening, things like this didn’t happen to Jensen, and it was all going so fast his mind was struggling to catch up.

“Jared.” He meant to say it as a warning, a request to stop, but it came out like a needy moan.

Capturing Jensen’s mouth once more with his, Jared groaned softly into the kiss. It felt like everything was coming apart around him, like the world was unraveling. His hand slid up under Jensen’s t-shirt, the flesh warm and smooth. Splayed fingers inched up the boy’s body until Jared could feel the hard flesh of Jensen’s nipple. Catching it between his fingers, he squeezed slightly and thrust his tongue forward when Jensen’s mouth opened wider. _God_ , he wanted him!

Sucking in a surprised breath, Jensen arched up into the touch, his hands curving along the collar of Jared’s shirt. _Too much_. Jensen felt like he’d never be able to breathe right again; his cock was hard and pressing against his fly, his body was lost in a constant shudder he couldn’t school back. There was another sharp pinch along his nipple and Jensen let out a noise that sounded too close to a whimper.

“Jared, wait,” he gasped into the kiss between the pass of Jared’s tongue forward. Pulling back slightly, Jared dragged his lips down Jensen’s jaw again.

“S’okay,” he murmured. “You feel so good.” Rolling his body down against Jensen’s, he could feel how turned on the boy was. His hand moved slowly down Jensen’s body, fingers grazing over the flesh teasingly and then he was curling them around the bulge in Jensen’s tight jeans. “God, I want you,” he whispered, tongue flicking into Jensen’s ear.

All at once, Jensen’s stomach flipped and his entire body lurched. “Fuck,” he gasped and shoved at Jared, watching in horror as the bigger boy flipped off the edge of the bed. “Shit, Jared, I- I’m sorry. It’s- just… it was too fast- I’ve never.” Jensen fumbled off the edge of the bed and hurried forward, grabbing his coat and his keys. “I’m sorry.” He turned back to Jared, his entire body flushing with heat and embarrassment. “It’s just supposed to be really special for me and I just barely met you and I don’t think this is about me, in your case, and I- sorry. Okay. Sorry.”

Spinning quickly, Jensen nearly ran from the house, completely appalled with himself that he’d done this. What the hell was he doing? Jared was everything he could have wanted and now he’d probably just completely fucked everything up. Jared was going to think he was an idiot or something worse, and all because he’d wanted his first time to be _special_.

“Jesus.” Jensen dropped his forehead against the steering wheel, groaning in disbelief.

It took a few entirely too long moments for Jared to realize what had happened. He was on his feet and stumbling toward the door as soon as he could, slamming hard into the doorframe as he headed out into the hallway. “Jensen!”

Calling out was pointless; he could see the front door was wide open and his heart sank in his chest. Skidding to a halt when he saw that Jensen’s car was still there, Jared ran a hand through his hair and took a few deep breaths then headed over to the driver’s side. He couldn’t see Jensen’s face; his head was down on the steering wheel. Jared reached out and pressed his hand to the window.

“Jen,” he said and tapped the window gently. “Jen, I’m sorry. I got... open the window?”

Jensen had this horrible habit of not being able to control certain functions of his emotions when he was too stimulated. In this situation, being far too embarrassed -- humiliated, for that matter -- had tears burning in his eyes and the _last_ thing he wanted was Jared seeing that. But not rolling down the window at that point would just make him an asshole. So he pushed the button and kept staring at his steering wheel.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m just gonna go home,” he mumbled, running his thumb along the wheel.

“Don’t go; I’m sorry.” Jared leaned down and reached forward to comfort Jensen then pulled his hand back. “It was- I shouldn’t have done that. Don’t go. Can we just talk?” He felt the strangest sensation of sadness inside, and a twinge of panic at the idea that Jensen might leave him so soon. “Please. I promise I won’t do anything.”

Sniffing softly, Jensen looked out the passenger window, arms folding over his chest.

“I don’t know. I feel stupid. I should really just... go away.” He sighed and lifted his sleeve as subtly as possible, wiping under his eyes.

Realizing that Jensen was crying cut into Jared so harshly he let out a small gasp.

“I didn’t mean to-” Closing his eyes for a few moments, Jared took a few steadying breaths. “What if we... there’s a swing around back; I could… I could get us a couple sodas? We could just talk? You could ask me more questions? You like questions.” Jared had never wanted more to reach out and brush someone’s tears away but instead, he shoved his shaking hands into his pockets.

Wetting his lips uncertainly, Jensen stared out the opposite window for a long while, knowing Jared was still there, waiting for him to stop acting like a _child_.

“It’s cold out,” he finally said and reached out for the door handle. “We should probably sit inside. Would suck to get sick.” He rolled his window up and opened the door, waiting until Jared moved to climb out, arms sliding over his chest once more as he peered down at the ground.

“I’m sorry,” Jared said softly. “Still friends?” He held out his hand and smiled shakily.

The word _friends_ left an odd taste in Jensen’s mouth but he slowly nodded and slid his hand into Jared’s. “I’m the one who pushed you onto the floor.”

“I should have- I just... you’re so sweet and I didn’t want you to go.” Clearing his throat, Jared frowned and threaded his fingers through Jensen’s. “That didn’t come out how I meant it.” Dropping his gaze to the ground in front of them, Jared rubbed his other hand down his face. “We could sit on the couch for a while; I have some cans of Coke.”

“Do you have Diet Coke?” Jensen asked quietly and let Jared lead him back inside. He didn’t know how to best handle this, what to say or do, and it was really a miracle how often Jared made him feel that way. Maybe it was more his inability to handle crushing on someone. “You forgive me for pushing you on the floor?”

“Nothing to forgive. I should have-” Jared turned to face Jensen quickly. “You know I’m not that kind of guy, right? I mean- I wasn’t trying to make you do anything. I just got- I got all caught up in it -- and you... It’s stupid; you were trying to let me know and I should have-” Jared sighed and squeezed Jensen’s fingers. “Don’t let me wreck this before it starts.”

“Can I ask you a question?” Jensen finally felt like enough of the tears had stopped that he wasn’t going to look like an idiot when he looked up at Jared so he did. His smile was small and flickering but at least it was there and Jared looked resigned but serious about answering anything Jensen asked. “Do you do this every place you move?”

“Do what?” Jared shifted nervously, scratching at the side of his neck.

“Find someone. A girl or guy, whatever. Sweep them off their feet by being all sweet and charming and everything and then just...” Jensen waved in the general direction of Jared’s bedroom and sighed, crossing the room to drop down on the couch. “How many people have you slept with?”

Jared leaned back against the wall, hands tucked behind him. He supposed he owed Jensen some straight answers after what he did. Looking down, he let his eyes trail along the worn area of the carpet.

“I’ve been with a few girls. But no guys. I mean, I’ve done stuff with guys. Is that bad? For us, I mean?” _Us_. Jared had never even really had an _us_.

Shrugging, Jensen tried to pretend like he wasn’t at all jealous. And oddly weirded out because he’d always had this idea in his mind that he’d be with someone _gay_. Jared liking both girls and guys was like having two times the competition. “I don’t even know what _we_ are. You do these... all that stuff, in your room, and you make me feel like I’m losing my mind. And then you say things like, _friends_ and I don’t know what we are, or if you even want that.” Jensen sighed and smoothed a hand up through his hair. “I’ve never done anything close to this before, Jared, and clearly you have, more than once.”

Taking a hesitant step forward, Jared ran his hand through his hair, unconsciously mimicking Jensen’s movements.

“I said I was sorry,” Jared muttered. “I can’t- I mean… It doesn’t matter to me that you haven’t. Does it have to matter that I have?”

Jared wasn’t used to being nervous, skittish. He was used to being the one who had everything figured out; the one with the slick moves and the experience. “I thought we were gonna be friends. I... what did you want?”

“God,” Jensen groaned and looked away, wrapping his arms over his chest once more. “I didn’t say it mattered that you have, Jared. Sure, it’s not the most pleasant feeling, but if we’re just friends, then it doesn’t matter. So we’ll just be friends; that’s what you want? Is that best? I mean, with your complications and things, that’s what you want?” Jensen was still struggling with that _too small_ feeling and he sighed.

“You’re the most gorgeous and confusing guy I’ve ever met,” Jared said softly. “Honestly? I don’t know what I want. I want things to just work, you know?” Jared crossed his arms and dropped his head back for a few moments before looking back at Jensen again. “We just met, Jensen. There’s a lot we don’t know about each other...”

Looking at the couch and then over at the chair by the window, Jared sighed and headed over to sink down heavily into the chair.

“Isn’t friends a good place to start? I mean, my dad always said that- he and my mom...” Jared’s voice trailed away as his thoughts kind of swirled around him in a blur. Shaking his head, he looked up at Jensen. “Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

“A few minutes ago you were stroking my-” The words cut off in Jensen’s throat and he groaned, shaking his head. “I should go. I should just go home because all this is... I’m just making things worse. We can be friends, Jared; I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” He stood from the couch, fidgeting with his clothing and taking a slow, deep breath. “This was so not how I pictured my first date,” he laughed weakly and bit his lip, staring down at the ground with tears blurring eyes once more.

Standing quickly, Jared swung his hand back hard at the chair and shoved it into the wall.

“Well, just tell me what to do to fix it!” He didn’t mean to yell and the blood drained from his face the moment he looked over at Jensen’s face. There was feeling of desperation inside him that he’d never, _ever_ , felt and Jared felt about as lost as he had the day he walked out of his home with Jeff.

Jensen’s mouth felt dry as he stared at Jared, half stepping back uncertainly. “I said we could be friends. You just said that your dad said that friends was better, first. So, it’s fine. I was just saying I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Jensen blinked away tears and sighed. “Are you okay?”

“No. I’m not okay.” Jared turned and pulled the chair back away from the wall then stared out the window. He bit down hard on his tongue to stop the burn of tears at the edges of his eyes. “You better go.” Squeezing his eyes shut, he bit down on his bottom lip. He wished there was a way to rewind the night and start over, make different choices.

“I can stay,” Jensen whispered and stepped toward Jared, lifting his hand. “I don’t know if I should leave you alone. Come on, we- we could just not make these decisions now? We could just talk? I promise I can do that without making a mess of things. Or we could watch a movie.” Jensen wondered if Jared felt as dizzy from this go-around as he felt.

“I can’t do this now, Jen.” Jared’s voice was tight, his throat aching. “I’m sorry -- you’re- you were right. You should just go.” There was no way he could have turned around even if he wanted to, because all he could think about was the way Jensen had held him before, the way he’d slid his arms around Jared’s neck when he’d told him about his parents. All those things he lived with, every single little lie and cover-up felt like a lead weight on Jared’s shoulders. “I’ll see you at school, okay?” His voice was thin, like it was too quiet for the room, and he lifted a shaking hand to press his palm against the cool window.

“Okay,” Jensen whispered and stepped back, shoulder bumping hard into the wall. So very many years he’d imagined the first boy he’d fall for, their perfect first date, the way the boy would sweep him off his feet. He certainly hadn’t imagined leaving the house in tears, still feeling the lingering warmth of Jared’s body pressing over his and the still-swollen purse of his lips.

Jensen tripped on the step on the way out, stumbling as he straightened and hurried to his car. He didn’t know how he’d screwed everything up so badly and he almost wished he hadn’t pushed Jared off. Because even if giving it up on the first date was a totally slut thing to do, at least then Jared wouldn’t have sounded as wrecked as he had.

The drive home felt like it took hours and Jensen was glad his dad was already in bed because he definitely didn’t want to talk about this. How was it that since he’d started spending time with Jared, he’d gone to bed twice with tears in his eyes? And this time he had the haunting warm press of Jared over him, and Jensen wasn’t sure what the hell he was supposed to do now.


	3. Chapter 3

Jensen was fairly sure he’d only gotten two hours of sleep total, and no amount of concealer was covering the bags under his eyes. He’d never been more thankful that his dad drank coffee because he could use a strong cup and he didn’t feel like swinging by Nicolette’s. Frankly, he didn’t feel like going to school but he kept thinking about how Jared would feel if Jensen wasn’t there and he didn’t want to make things worse.

As he poured himself a large mug of coffee he thought _again_ over what had happened the previous night. There were so many things he wanted to do differently. If he could, he’d take back pushing Jared away. Because even if giving it up on the first date was a little whore-ish, well, then maybe Jared wouldn’t potentially hate him. Or whatever. He had no idea how Jared was going to feel about him.

“Hey, what time did you get- is that a hickey?!”

The faint squeak of his father’s voice had Jensen looking up quickly. Alright, he’d been a little asleep in front of the mirror but how the hell did he miss _that_?

“What?” Jensen shot out of the kitchen and to the hallway, staring in the mirror and tilting his head to the side. Sure enough, the faintest bruise; it could be written off but his dad had sharper eyes than that. “Oh god.”

“Who the hell gave you a hickey?” Alan sounded mad now, his hand slamming hard down on the counter. “Just what did you get up to last night?”

Jensen flushed and looked away, slowly walking back to his coffee. “Can we just not talk about last night, please?”

“You tell me what happened,” Alan demanded but when Jensen’s shoulders stayed stiff, his voice softened. “Jensen, did someone hurt you? I’ll kil-”

“Dad, god, calm down. It was nothing like that. It was all consensual.” Jensen rolled his eyes and turned the lid on his travel coffee mug. He couldn’t look at his dad and talk about this -- hell, he’d rather not talk about this at all -- but he knew the man wouldn’t just drop it. “We were just making out, Dad; loads of people do it. It just... didn’t end so good. I was stupid. I’ll wear a coat; no one will see it.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Jensen could see his dad shifting, probably not sure how to talk about this. Why would he? It wasn’t like Jensen ever dated anyone. It had never been an issue. “Should... do we need to talk? About... you know, the birds and the, uh...”

“What?” Jensen’s gaze snapped to his dad and he flushed, both men looking away quickly when their eyes met. “Jesus, Dad, please spare me. I’m fairly confident a straight man cannot give a gay man the how-to about sex. Don’t worry; I figured it out a long time ago and I’d really rather not hear you say anything about... birds or whatever.”

“Thank god,” Alan mumbled and exhaled slowly. “Well, look, if you’re gonna be seeing this boy, I think I should meet him. Bring him over for dinner tonight.”

Jensen frowned as he looked down at his coffee, grabbing it. “We’ll see. I’m not so sure about... things. I’ll ask. Talk to you later, Dad.”

He fled before his dad could say anything more because the conversation was already too far out there.

-=-=-=-

“Hey, Jensen.” Hilary grabbed his arm as she stopped by his locker, Madison right beside her. “You know Jared, right?”

At first, Jensen thought something had happened and his heart sank, his palm nudging the locker until it clicked shut. “Yeah. Is he okay?”

The girls shared a weirdly knowing look before looking back at him at once, unnerving Jensen enough to get him to step back. “Yeah he is. We were just wondering, ‘cause you know, the whole Calahan thing. We hear a rumor that you’d been spending time with him.”

Frowning slightly, Jensen curled his fingers over the strap on his bag, trying to figure out what the girls were up to. He didn’t know them that well but they’d always be decent to him. They only stopped to talk when they had questions, so it didn’t seem likely that they were fishing for bad information, but something nagging and worrisome was building in Jensen regardless.

“Yeah, we’ve hung out a few times.” He definitely wasn’t offering more information than need be.

“Well, we just thought you should hear some of the other things we’ve heard.” Madison smiled almost sympathetically at him and Jensen really didn’t like where this was going but he couldn’t help wanting to know. “You know, Katie saw him working at Oliver’s. Pushing _carts_. And you know that’s like the slummiest store ever. We even heard he lives in the gross part of downtown.”

“Yeah and I heard that he doesn’t even live with his parents; like he’s some sort of runaway or something crazy,” Hilary added, jumping smoothly into the conversation.

Madison picked up a moment later, disregarding Jensen’s slack jaw. “And I totally heard he was a slut too, which probably explains why he’s trying to pick you up because, like, he probably has a virgin thing.”

“Jesus, would you two shut the fuck up?” Jensen snapped, loud enough to have the people walking past them look over in surprise. He glared at both girls, breathing deeply to keep from tackling them both to the ground. “First of all, Madison, your mother shops at Oliver’s all the time, _and_ I happen to know that cheap Chanel knock-off you’re wearing is from the Good Will so don’t throw that _slum_ crap on me. And Hilary? Don’t you fucking dare talk about his parents, because you have no _idea_ what happened. And you may think I’m just the happy little gay boy, but I have absolutely no issue kicking your ass if need be.”

Jensen took a step back, still glaring at the girls. He lifted a hand and pointed at Madison, leaning a little closer to drop his voice in a low growl.

“Oh, and Madison? Unless you want me telling everyone just how many of the football players you’ve slept with, I suggest you stop making any accusations about Jared being a slut.”

The rant had made Jensen’s blood boil and he wasn’t used to being quite so passionate about anything with people he didn’t know -- which was mostly everyone. He spun, prepared to storm off to make his exit and drive the point of his anger home. Instead of a free hallway, though, Jensen walked smack into a warm chest. Jared’s chest.

Head tilting up, Jensen bit his lip and half stepped back, swallowing thickly. “Um, did you hear that?”

Still a little startled by the words _and_ the collision, Jared’s answer was a simple nod at first. He’d caught Jensen’s waist with one arm as they slammed together, and was reluctant to let him go. Swallowing around the lump in his throat, he smiled crookedly and pulled Jensen back to him again.

“I heard most of it,” he said softly.

“I didn’t mean... they were just being rude. And you deserve better than their gossip shit.” Jensen’s hands had settled on Jared’s shoulders even though they were in the hallway and everyone walking by could see them. It made his heart race. “Wanted to stick up for you like you did for me.”

“Thank you. I- thank you.” Jared’s smile faded slightly when he realized that people were staring. “I should probably let you go, I guess.” But he didn’t. His fingers pressed a little firmer into the small of Jensen’s back and he looked back down into those bright green eyes.

“We might be starting a minor crisis. They’ll probably hold a prayer circle after school for all those scarred.” Jensen smiled weakly up at Jared, biting down on his lip. “I’m sorry about last night.”

“I owe you an apology. I wasn’t all that straightforward about stuff. Jensen… this is important to me. Can we start over?” Jared blinked slowly, fingers still moving gently against the other boy’s back. “I don’t want to be friends. I mean... I do -- but I want more. But not that more from last night -- God. Jensen, will you go out with me? Like a boyfriend kinda thing?” Jared felt his cheeks catch fire -- at least, that’s what it felt like. “I was looking for you. That’s why I came in here. I hate this place and then I saw you... and I heard. I should shut up, yeah?”

Chuckling, Jensen shook his head and broke away, grabbing Jared’s hand and tugging him down the hall. He’d rather people not overhear their entire conversation because things had a weird way of spreading and growing and getting _bad_ before the truth was even out there. He pulled Jared into the choir room and shut the door, leaning back against it. “We can start over. As boyfriends.” Jensen laughed softly and watched his feet kick at the ground. “But you have to do something for me. Or- maybe a couple things.”

“What? Anything. Well, okay, mostly anything. Don’t make me hang out with those girls -- they hurt my brain.” Jared stepped closer again, leaning against the door beside Jensen and studying his profile. He really was gorgeous, especially when he was smiling.

“Trust me, I won’t be hanging out with those girls ever again.” Jensen looked over at Jared, smiling a little brighter. “Do you work tonight?”

“No, I got tonight off. Was gonna follow you home. Not in a creepy way -- but I figured if I could find out where you lived...” Jared blushed again. “So, instead of me sounding like a creepy stalker, how about you talk?” Smiling, Jared hooked his fingers under the cuff of Jensen’s sleeve.

Jensen laughed and slid to the side, bumping his shoulder into Jared’s. “Come home with me then. My dad kind of wants to meet you.” Jensen’s smile faded slightly and he tugged the collar down on his coat, tipping his head to the side. “He might have seen that this morning.”

“Oh shit.” Jared bit down on his bottom lip to stifle a surprised laugh. “Is he gonna hurt me? I’m not as tough as I look.” Leaning down a little, Jared let his nose just brush Jensen’s hair. It was like being pulled in, kind of like he couldn’t resist touching Jensen somehow.

“I’m sure you’re plenty tough,” Jensen said softly and turned up to Jared, his lips brushing the boy’s cheek. That warm flutter was back in full force now and it came with none of the worry or nerves from the night before. Jensen was fairly positive he liked this more. “Jared? He won’t hurt you; he just wants to meet you. And... we can still do stuff, right? We’ll just take it slow? Because it did feel good. I just want you to be honest with me.” Jensen exhaled slowly and smiled at Jared, stretching out his pinkie until it curled around Jared’s. “Deal?”

Grinning, Jared nodded. “Okay. Deal.”

Leaning back a little, Jared squeezed Jensen’s finger and sighed with relief. He’d spent most of the night awake, wondering if he really had ruined things between them and trying to figure out ways to talk to Jensen. As always, there was the slightest twinge of worry in the back of his mind. There were a few big hurdles to get past but -- Jared figured they had a little time before they got to them.

“So you’ll come home with me after school?” Jensen slid to the side and let his head fall on Jared’s shoulder, twisting slightly until his arm could curl around Jared’s middle and half hug him. He already felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and he was so glad that fixing things hadn’t turned out to be so difficult.

“Shouldn’t I go home and change? I mean, this is just my school stuff.” Jared tugged at his t-shirt even as he tucked Jensen under his arm. He liked the way they fit together; it felt good.

“My dad works in a garage, Jared; you’re already dressed nicer than him,” Jensen chuckled and shifted forward, laying his head on Jared’s shoulder. “Besides, he’ll like you more if you can relate a little with him; he’s already got the fashion-oriented me. Do you like sports? He’s a big football fan.”

“I like sports. We both like you -- can’t we just talk about you?” Jared resisted the urge to pull Jensen closer. _Slow_ , he kept reminding himself. “I could ask him about cars; I like your car. Or, you could talk.” Jared’s nerves were already a little frayed by the long night.

“Hey.” Jensen looked up and slid his hand around the back of Jared’s head, tilting him down so their eyes met. “I’m not my dad’s darling little daughter. He’s not going to freak out at you. He just wants to meet you. I mean, he’ll probably threaten to kick your ass if you hurt me but that’s just a dad thing, and I think he knows he wouldn’t normally get to say that with a son. Anyway, you want to see my room, right? That’ll be fun.” Jensen didn’t think he was doing a good job at calming Jared down.

“Okay. Yeah.” Jared smiled a little stiffly and leaned back harder against the door. “I don’t usually have to meet people’s parents. But yeah. And for the record? I don’t really know what _a dad thing_ is. Jeff’s not- well, he’s not like that.” Jared lifted his hand to touch Jensen’s cheek and dropped it quickly, not wanting to push anything.

“Yeah, sorry,” Jensen sighed and dropped his hand, stepping back. “It’ll be fine, I swear. Do you have class?” He reached out to brush Jared’s hand once more then lowered his hand again, not sure what was appropriate now. It had to be easier than this, though; it was far too soon to let this get complicated.

“Do _you_ have class? Can I walk you?” Jared reached out and slid his fingers through Jensen’s. “You can touch me anytime you want; you know that, right?” Jared’s heart was doing that weird flipping thing again and he felt kind of dizzy.

“I wasn’t sure, because you kept pulling back and... you can touch me too, you know.” Jensen squeezed Jared’s hand and smiled up at him. “I want to slow down, which doesn’t mean I want go arctic pace.” Jensen stepped in close to Jared, dropping his voice to a whisper. “I really did like making out with you.”

“Yeah?” Jared’s lips twitched back into a slight smile and he slid his arm around Jensen’s waist again. “You fit good; just right... here.” Tightening his arm, he let out a breathy laugh when Jensen just kind of melted against him.

“We’re going to create a small chaos around here, you know,” Jensen laughed and sighed as they approached his classroom. There was no one in the halls; everyone was already in class, but Jensen still looked both ways before leaning up to gently brush his lips over Jared’s. “Meet me after school?”

“Yeah,” Jared agreed quietly. Reluctantly, he let Jensen pull out of his arms. “I’ll wait by your car. After school, I mean; not now.” Smiling, he took a few steps backwards. “See you then.”

“See you,” Jensen whispered and smiled one last time at Jared before turning to head into his classroom, not caring if he got in trouble for being late.

-=-=-=-

Jared was nervous. He wasn’t used to being nervous. It stemmed from the fact that he didn’t normally meet people’s parents. But then, he wasn’t normally drawn to people the way he was to Jensen. There was just something about this boy that felt, well, special. He’d never say it out loud, because it sounded like something out of an afterschool special, but it was true.

He raced out of his last class, brushing past people to get to the parking lot. There was no way Jared was letting any other misunderstandings come between them. Leaning against Jensen’s car, he rustled around in his bag until he found the soda he’d put in there for his lunch. Popping the top, he took a few sips and stared at the kids that filed past.

When he finally saw Jensen, he couldn’t help the smile that crept onto his face.

“Hey,” he greeted when the shorter boy was close enough. Reaching out, he hooked his finger through Jensen’s belt loop and brought him in close so he could brush their lips together. “Sorry. Thought about that all afternoon,” he said softly.

“That’s okay,” Jensen replied just as softly, and it was true. He didn’t even care that everyone was near enough to see them. Jared had taken down Calahan, who was one of the biggest boys in school; he was fairly certain they’d be okay now. “I was thinking about you all day too. Fell asleep in Chem and had a really good dream about you, me and a jar of maraschino cherries.”

“Wow. That sounds... good.” Jared took a sip of Coke and offered the can to Jensen. “Do we need to pick anything up for dinner?” He wasn’t used to having real dinners and wasn’t entirely sure what the invitation would entail.

“Oh no, I make something. Otherwise, my dad would order pizza every night.” Jensen cautiously took the Coke, eyeing it then slowly sipping. His face scrunched up and he handed it back to Jared. “Gross. That’s, like, syrup. How can you drink that?” He laughed and flattened out the collar on Jared’s coat, smiling up at him.

“Right,” Jared laughed, “Diet Coke guy.” Pushing off the car, he tugged his bag up over his shoulder. “You ready?” He took another sip of Coke, suddenly feeling like his mouth was a little dry.

“Jared, my dad won’t be home for a couple of hours. It’s okay,” Jensen chuckled and gently patted Jared’s cheek before heading for the driver’s side. “You look like I’m taking you to your execution.”

“Oh.” Jared blew out a breath and walked around to the passenger side. As soon as it was unlocked, he slid down into the seat. “So- what are we gonna do?”

“I’ll show you around my house, and my room. We’ll start dinner at some point. We could make out.” Jensen shrugged and looked over at Jared. “That’s okay, right? The making out thing? I could use some practice on my kissing skills.”

Jared’s eyes whipped up to Jensen’s. “Okay?! Yeah, Jensen. It’s okay.” He rolled his eyes and relaxed a little, sliding down in the seat. “And you do _not_ need practice. Well, wait… yeah, you do.” Smirking, Jared reached over and slid his hand over Jensen’s thigh. When Jensen looked down at his hand, Jared shrugged and blinked innocently. “What? You’re my boyfriend, aren’t ya?”

“Boyfriend status includes thigh holding?” Jensen laughed and turned the key in the ignition, flinching at the loud blast of music. He watched Jared’s eyes widen and laughed softly. “Okay, so I may have burned the _Inception_ soundtrack onto a CD. You said you liked it, so I figured it had to be good.”

Laughing, Jared put his soda in the cup holder. “You like it? It’s good, right? Maybe sometime I could have you over and play some of my favorite stuff for you. You know, sometime.” Jared looked out the side window and muttered quietly, “If your dad doesn’t eat me alive.”

Jensen laughed and shook his head, peering at the road as they pulled out of the school lot. “My dad will not eat you alive. You seriously need to chill. And yes, I’d like to go to your place and hear some of your favorite stuff.” He sort of found Jared’s nerves about meeting his dad adorable. After all, Jensen viewed his dad as harmless, and he knew how rare this chance was for Jensen, to have someone like Jared. “When does your uncle get home? Will I get to meet him?”

“Tonight?” Jared stiffened and sat up. “I mean, if you want to, I guess. I should phone him first.” Jared fidgeted with his seat belt and leaned down to pick up his soda again.

“You want me to meet him tonight? Is this payback for me making you meet my dad?” Jensen swallowed thickly, suddenly getting a new appreciation for Jared’s nerves.

“No, I don’t…” Jared began hesitantly. “I don’t want you to meet him at all. But you can. I promised.” Sighing, Jared squeezed Jensen’s thigh and looked out the passenger window.

Frowning, Jensen dropped his hand over Jared’s on his thigh and drove in silence for a while.

“Why don’t you want me to meet him?” he finally asked, too curious to ignore the desire to know.

“Jeff is… Jeff has a problem with… he has a problem with drugs. He’s been shooting cocaine since I was fourteen. Please don’t tell anyone. If people found out...” Jared had lived in fear of being taken away from his uncle for the past three years. All it would take was for one person to find out that Jared basically lived alone, and things would have fallen apart for him. “He doesn’t mean to do it. Sometimes, I think he really believes he can stay clean, but it just never happens for very long. It’s why we don’t have anything -- he’s pawned most of our stuff and we lost a lot of it.” Sighing, Jared turned back to glance at Jensen out of the corner of his eye.

“Wow,” Jensen whispered, forcing himself to continue driving, more than a little relieved when he pulled into his driveway. He shut the car off and turned in the seat to face Jared, not even sure how to react. “Jared... that’s...” Jensen frowned and shook his head, pushing his door open and climbing quickly out. “Come on.”

Frowning, worry creasing the corners of his eyes, Jared picked up his bag and climbed out of the car.

“You want me to go? I mean, I know this is really shitty.” And he _did_ know it. Over the years, he’d met a lot people he’d wanted to be friends with and Jeff had freaked the hell out of more than a few of them.

“No, that’s not-” Jensen shook his head and looked around before grabbing Jared’s hand, dragging him to the front door and quickly unlocking it. The moment they were inside and he had the door shut, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Jared. He felt stupid that the only method for helping Jared seemed to be hugging him but he knew in this situation there just weren’t right words to say. “It’s not fair. That you lost your parents, and that your uncle is... I mean, I know you want to help him; it just sucks that this is what you have to deal with.”

Jared let the warmth of Jensen’s body soothe him and buried his face in the crook of the other boy’s neck. Jensen smelled good, warm and sweet, and Jared breathed in slowly.

“He doesn’t mean it. And when he’s clean, he’s pretty cool,” Jared mumbled against Jensen’s skin. His hands were flat on Jensen’s back and he pressed Jensen closer, kind of crushing the air out of both their bodies.

“Jared, you... I mean, you can’t just make excuses for him, you know? That doesn’t help addicts, right? I know you can’t do much right now ‘cause you’re seventeen but...” Jensen pulled back slightly and stared up at him. “That’s why you’re working, isn’t it? So you have food and rent money?”

“Yeah. But, Jensen… I’m not making excuses. I’m just trying to stay with him until I turn eighteen. Then he doesn’t need to feel like he fucked this up.” Jared blinked a few times, nervous, and held on tightly to Jensen. “What he does is messed up. I know that; he knows that. No excuses. But he’s all I got left, really. He’s so much like my dad -- and I don’t even know my aunt.” Sighing, Jared closed his eyes tightly. “Just trust me, okay?”

“Alright.” Jensen slowly nodded, not completely sure that was the best route when it came to handling this. But he didn’t want to hurt Jared, and it seemed like it would hurt him if Jensen were to tell on Jeff. “But will you promise me something in return? I won’t tell anyone; I’ll support you however you need me to. But... if something happens, if one night it gets really bad or something... anything happens… just… promise me you’ll come here, okay? No matter what time of night it is, or day, whenever. Please?”

Jared’s smile broadened into a grin and he slid his hand high up Jensen’s back.

“You’re lookin’ out for me,” he said softly. Swaying back and forth slightly, Jared rubbed his cheek against Jensen’s as he pulled away fractionally.

“Jared, that’s not a promise,” Jensen pouted but he couldn’t hold it long, a smile tugging at his lips as he clutched Jared. “Come on, you promise and you also allow me to help you some. You know, financially.”

“Don’t need money. M’good,” Jared said quickly. “Probably, I just need, you know -- you to kiss me a lot. I bet _that_ would make me feel better.” Licking his lips, Jared brushed them across Jensen’s cheek. The weight on his chest felt a little lighter.

Jensen caught Jared’s lips against his own, kissing him for a long moment until he felt a little lightheaded. It was different from the night before, softer, maybe sweeter, and Jensen’s mind was spinning so violently. After a few moments, he pulled back and stepped away. “Jared- I don’t even know you’re last name. Anyway, _promise_ me. I want to hear you say it.”

“I go by Padalecki; was my mama’s name.” Jared couldn’t resist dragging his lips along Jensen’s jaw. “And I promise if I need help, I will come to you.” Breathing softly against the shell of Jensen’s ear, Jared smiled. “I promise... Jensen Ackles.” Jared was pretty good with computers so it hadn’t been all that hard to find out about Jensen.

“Creepy stalker,” Jensen murmured and wrapped his arms around Jared, tilting into the kiss to deepen it. This time, he was the one to slide his tongue forward, brushing along Jared’s lips slowly before easing into the heat of the bigger boy’s mouth. Each time they kissed, he felt more and more comfortable with it, less nervous and shaky, and he thought that had to be a good sign. A soft moan escaped him as he pressed a little closer, leaning against Jared’s body.

Falling back against the door, Jared let Jensen take control of the kiss. His fingers slid up into Jensen’s hair, stroking softly and urging Jensen closer. Jared already knew there was no _too close_ when it came to Jensen; he could hold him like that all night. Jensen’s lips moved slowly against his and Jared felt a little weak. Jensen’s tongue had slipped forward timidly at first, but now it was sweeping around Jared’s mouth. It was all enough to make Jared moan low and deep before pulling back from the kiss and letting his head thump against the door.

“Maybe got carried away,” Jensen mumbled and stepped back, wetting his lips. “Wanna go down to my room? I mean, you know, just to… you know.” Jensen laughed softly and shook his head, turning to hang his backpack on the hook and slipping his coat off to join it. When he looked back at Jared, the taller boy’s skin was flushed and his lips were swollen. He was more gorgeous than he usually was, and that was saying something. “You want some soda? My dad keeps some Cokes on hand, so you don’t have to drink Diet.”

“Carried away,” Jared echoed. Pushing up shakily, he reached out for Jensen’s hand. “Diet Coke is fine. Might as well start drinking that.” Smiling, Jared squeezed his boyfriend’s fingers and followed him to the kitchen. Things were going much better than he’d expected; well, especially considering he’d thought that Jensen might never speak to him again.

Leading the way to the kitchen, Jensen pointed out the living room and the back hall, trying to school back the heat and _want_ he’d felt from that kiss. He wanted to stick to his rules about going slow but now that he knew more about his new boyfriend, had more of the picture in mind, it just made him want to make Jared feel good.

“My room is in the basement,” Jensen said as he led the way there, smiling over his shoulder at Jared as he descended the steps and opened his door. “It was sort of my dad’s peace offering; after I came out and it was weird for a while, he let me have the whole basement. So I painted and picked out stuff.” Jensen felt weirdly guilty taking Jared in there now, like he was somehow flaunting all the stuff he had but Jared didn’t.

“Wow,” Jared murmured as Jensen pulled him down the stairs. Jensen’s room was kind of like stepping into an entirely different home. It was like the pictures Jared had seen in magazines of the rooms everyone wanted but never really put the time into decorating. There was a huge big-screen TV on one side of the room, a big bed with a really nice frame and a kind of dressing table on one side. It was clean and crisp and Jared was kind of afraid he was going to mess it up. “Wow,” he said again.

“Yeah.” Jensen slowly nodded and rubbed his hands together, slipping off his shoes and carrying them over to his closet. “I actually had the whole design in my mind for years. I cut out magazine pictures, made this whole folder about it.” Jensen laughed and shrugged, tugging off his shirt and sniffing it before tossing it in the hamper and heading for his closet. “Apparently, my dad was feeling guilty for being less than thrilled when I told him about the gay thing.”

“Seems to have worked out okay for ya,” Jared chuckled and did a double-take when he realized Jensen was shirtless. “Uh, I-” Jared walked over and slid a finger down the furrow in the middle of Jensen’s back. “I like your room,” he whispered.

Jensen hadn’t put much thought into taking his shirt off because he did it every day, changing into something a little more comfortable at home. Now, though, the heat of Jared’s fingers burned down his skin and Jensen turned to him, wetting his lips as he looked up. “Thank you. I like it too,” he whispered back, biting on his lip uncertainly. “Hi.”

Smiling down at his boyfriend, Jared held his hands up innocently.

“Hey. You’re really- you’re...” He licked his lips and jammed his hands in his pockets. “You’re really hard not to touch,” he confessed. Jensen’s body was nice; he obviously worked out a little because there was just enough definition in his muscles for Jared to want to run his tongue over them. Groaning, Jared took a step back. “Slow,” he muttered.

“Slow,” Jensen repeated, though he half stepped forward then slid back. “Guess it’s my rule, I should probably obey it.” He chuckled and turned back to his closet, grabbing a clean shirt and tugging it on quickly. When he looked back at Jared, he smiled and shrugged. “It’s really not that I don’t want to. It’s just… I want to talk a little about... that stuff, those things, you know... last night.” Jensen frowned and grabbed Jared’s hand, tugging him over to the couch and dropping down, patting the spot beside him.

Turning to face Jensen, Jared smiled.

“We gonna have our first serious talk?” Dropping his gaze, he suddenly felt a little shy and awkward. Jensen was changing things -- and there were just some things that wouldn’t change back.

“I’d say we’ve had plenty of serious talks already. Hell, I feel a little like we’ve been dating for a year,” Jensen laughed and pulled his legs up on the couch, twisting so he was facing Jared as well. “But we can make it fair if you want. I mean, we could do a question back and forth, or something like that?”

“More questions?” Jared wrinkled his nose and wriggled a little closer, rubbing his thumb over the back of Jensen’s hand. “Okay. Me first. What happened to your mom? I mean, if it’s okay to ask that.” His expression softened as he met Jensen’s gaze again.

“It’s not a big deal,” Jensen shrugged and looked down, reaching out for Jared’s hand and slowly touching along his fingers just to have something to do. “She got sick when I was little. Cancer. I don’t remember her, not really. It’s just always been my dad and me, so I’m used to it.” He smiled sadly up at Jared then looked away. “How old were you where you lost your virginity?”

“Fourteen,” Jared said after the slightest hesitation. It wasn’t really something he was proud of; not even something he remembered particularly fondly. It was just the way things were. “Is that enough of an answer?” Smiling, he tilted his head to the side.

“Um.” Jensen considered whether he really wanted to know details or not. Sighing, he looked up at Jared and shrugged. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay. Fourteen is so young.” Jensen was still really enjoying Disney movies when he was fourteen -- and, well, he still did now, but he didn’t have to admit to that.

“It was young, it was too young. And… well, it wasn’t really anything all that great. She was sweet and I think she was disappointed.” Jared leaned against the back of the couch. “I should probably get a kiss for that one as a penalty. You kind of got two answers.”

Jensen laughed softly and shook his head but he leaned forward, gently kissing Jared. The bigger boy’s arm wrapped around his middle and pulled him closer but Jensen pulled back before it could get too heated. He dropped back on the couch and grinned at Jared. “Would you like a question as well or may I ask my next one?”

“You’ve got another one already?” Jared looked at Jensen suspiciously. “Okay, go ahead.”

“See, you’re much more interesting than me. There’s only so much to ask me before you know it all.” Jensen laughed and grabbed Jared’s hand again, pulling it until it rested on his thigh. “Why did you do that last night? The... rushing into things. Is that what you’re used to?” He tried to ask it as non-judgmentally as he could but he flinched anyway.

“Used to? Wow.” Jared chuckled dryly and looked down at their hands. “I guess that’s the way it looks. Or seems, anyway.” Frowning for a few moments, Jared ran through all the excuses in his head and then remembered his promise to tell the truth when he saw the light glint in Jensen’s eyes. “I guess- because we always move, and most people… I mean, I meet people and I want them to like me; I want to be close to them. Don’t you ever feel like you just want to be with someone? Feel alive for a while?” Jared sighed, realizing he wasn’t really making much sense.

“I think you and I are very different,” Jensen replied gently, and tightened his hand on Jared’s when the boy went to pull back. “That’s not a bad thing. Jared, the past you have, the life you live in now? I think it makes sense, more than it did last night. It kind of seems to me that you think everyone’s just going to leave you at some point. So you grab what you can from them as you can. Is that... something close? Or am I way off and have I totally just offended you?”

Shifting nervously, Jared ran his thumb along his bottom lip and looked down again.

“I don’t know,” he said softly. “Maybe. I guess it’s me that does the leaving, usually.” Blowing out a breath, Jared turned his gaze back up toward Jensen. “My turn. If I have to leave again, will you hate me?” Saying the words sent a cold wave down Jared’s flesh and he dropped his hand to Jensen’s, holding the boy’s hand tightly between both of his.

Jensen had done his best not to think about Jared leaving, though he knew it was a very real possibility. He frowned down at their hands, hesitating for a few moments as he tried to imagine it, then flinched away from the thought. “I honestly don’t know. I want to say no but I... what if I fall in love with you? Then you just leave? Why would you have to leave?”

Jared felt all that crazy emotion welling up inside him again and bit down on his bottom lip for a while. Finally, he closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath. “Jeff-- he gets in trouble. It always happens. Sometimes he talks too much and people get worried about me. Sometimes he- he gets in trouble with the cops, you know? And he comes home at night and just picks up his bag and starts packing.” Jared lifted Jensen’s hand to his lips. “I don’t want you to hate me.”

“If he did that, in the middle of the night, you’d just go? You wouldn’t even say goodbye?” Jensen hadn’t thought it was _that_ bad but the way Jared made it sound, Jensen basically wouldn’t be able to go to sleep at night without worrying that Jared might not be there in the morning.

“I-- Don’t. Jensen, this is all really messed up. I know that. It’s my turn,” Jared added quickly. “Do you still want this? Even if there’s a chance I might fuck it all up.” For the first time in as long as he could remember, Jared felt a tear fall from the corner of his eye. Reaching up, he swiped it away. “I don’t make promises about staying, because no one stays anywhere.” Sucking in a deep breath, he tried to pull away from Jensen but the smaller boy held on. “Jen-” The name was cut off by a half sob and Jared gripped Jensen’s hand tightly. “Jeff’s so much like my dad,” he murmured.

“Jesus,” Jensen gasped and shook his head, pushing forward until he was falling half in Jared’s lap and wrapping arms tightly around him. “Don’t cry. ‘Cause I really probably couldn’t handle that.” Jensen sighed and pushed back, climbing off the couch and dragging Jared with him. Before the other boy could say anything, Jensen shoved him on the king-sized bed and climbed up beside him, arms latching around his body. He had a pretty good idea that at some point Jared was going to break his heart, and still he couldn’t say no. “It’s okay. I’ll take what I can get, whatever you feel okay giving me. I don’t need promises anymore.” He closed his eyes and laid his head on Jared’s shoulder.

Jared slid his hand up to the back of Jensen’s neck and curled his fingers in tightly.

“I think it’s me who’s gonna get a broken heart,” he murmured. “I want...” There were so many things that Jared wanted and a lot of them centered around the boy in his arms. Pulling back slightly, he slanted his mouth over Jensen’s and kissed him hard, fingers gripping the shorter boy’s hair tightly.

Moaning softly, Jensen pressed into the kiss, his hair being tugged even harder in the process. There was something oddly hot about that too, though. And even if he _knew_ Jared was wrong, that Jensen would never break his heart, he allowed this to happen instead. He could feel Jared’s desperation and -- in a rare act of bravado -- he slid his leg across Jared’s hips and rolled on top of him, fingers curling over Jared’s sides as he parted his lips to the taller boy’s touch.

Jared’s heart flip-flopped around in his chest and he moaned into their kiss. Jensen’s heat was everywhere, the sweetness of his mouth when he let Jared in, the way the weight of him was tethering Jared to the _now_. Heart racing, Jared slid his hands up and down the smaller boy’s back, learning those gentle curves of muscle and feeling the way Jensen’s body responded to his touch.

Lips sliding open and closed, Jared moaned again, softening his touch. Jensen wasn’t going to give up on him just yet, and that kind of warmed places in him that he’d thought were too long frozen. Relaxing into the soft mattress, Jared gentled the kiss, tongue dancing along Jensen’s bottom lip.

It was strange how Jensen could _feel_ Jared relaxing, how their lips moving together slowly became something more than the need and want and whatever else Jared was feeling. Jensen could feel the mood between them shift and he pulled up, staring down at Jared for a long moment before dipping down once more. His lips touched tentatively along Jared’s jaw, down to his neck, lingering each time, kissing a little harder and sucking the skin between his lips. He wanted to make Jared feel good, erase the thoughts from his mind for the moment.

“Jensen?” Jared’s breath hitched and he couldn’t help arching up into his boyfriend’s body. His fingers curled back into Jensen’s hair, and his head fell to the side to grant Jensen more access. “God,” he whispered. Jensen’s lips left a trail of tingling skin behind them and Jared shuddered. There was something so gentle about the touches, the way Jensen’s mouth pressed in, his tongue flicking over Jared’s flesh. The feel of blood warming the surface of Jared’s skin as Jensen sucked hard on it made him moan and slide a hand down to grip Jensen’s hip.

“Your skin tastes good,” Jensen murmured and he pulled back again, looking down into Jared’s eyes. He scooted down just a little and Jared’s obvious arousal slid against his own in his jeans. Jensen had never felt anything like it and he blinked down at Jared, panting softly. “What’s the furthest you’ve gone with a guy?”

The breath that Jared blew out shuddered along with his body and he stared bleary-eyed up at Jensen.

“What?” he asked breathlessly. Shaking his head, he dropped both hands to Jensen’s hips and closed his eyes for a few long moments. “This… this is- you are-” he laughed, “what we’re doing now.” Rolling his head to the side to hide his embarrassment, Jared groaned and ran his thumbs along the hipbones he could feel under tight denim.

“It’s not like I know what we’re doing,” Jensen laughed shakily and bit down hard on his bottom lip, rolling against Jared once more. _Jesus_ , that was far better than he thought it would be -- and he’d already been imagining so much. “Jared, I want-”

Jensen didn’t get to finish his sentence, though, because in the next moment, the echo of his father’s always too loud footsteps moved over the floor above them. Jensen’s eyes widened and he rolled off Jared, dropping to the side of the bed.

“Sorry,” he smiled apologetically at Jared and shrugged. “At least I didn’t push you onto the floor this time? I guess he came home early.”

“Ho shit!” Jared was panting, and rolled over onto his stomach to bury his face in Jensen’s pillow. He was _so_ hard that his dick ached, and he could barely think straight, let alone face Jensen’s father. When he turned his head to peer at Jensen through his hair, he could feel his stomach knotting up nervously. “He’s gonna know I was down here,” Jared whispered frantically.

“We have a strict rule; he won’t come down here.” Jensen paced around a few times, allowing the idea of his father being around to ease off the last of his arousal. “Okay, I’ll just go talk to him. When you feel like... I mean when you’re not so turned on,” Jensen laughed weakly and shrugged. “I’ll be in the kitchen. Okay?”

“No, wait! God.” Jared rolled to the side of the bed and stood up, walking over to Jensen quickly. “I wanna go up with you. I... okay?” Tugging at the front of his jeans, Jared ran a hand through his hair. “Is he gonna be pissed that I’m down here?”

“No.” Jensen chuckled and reached out to flatten Jared’s hair -- which turned out to be rather pointless, really, and Jensen couldn’t help smiling endearingly up at him. “You look fine. I swear it’s all good. Thank you for doing this.”

If Jared had been worried about being turned on -- thinking about meeting Jensen’s father had pretty much solved that problem for him. Taking a few deep breaths, he nodded.

“Can I hold your hand in front of him?” He followed Jensen up the stairs and wiped his sweating palms on his jeans.

“Please do,” Jensen murmured as he reached the top of the staircase, turning to Jared and smiling at him before taking his hand and leading him down the hall. “Dad? We’re here.”

Alan was sorting through the mail at the counter but as he saw Jared, he straightened, glancing down at their hands before looking back up. “You were downstairs?”

“Yes, Dad, that’s where my room is,” Jensen laughed softly and bumped into Jared’s side. “This is my Jared. Jared, my dad Alan.” He looked over at his father and sighed at the man’s frown. “Dad, honestly, behave.”

Alan cleared his throat, holding out his hand. “Jared, nice to meet you.”

Jared reached out quickly and gave a firm shake. “Nice to meet you, sir. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Smiling nervously, Jared stepped back quickly and grabbed Jensen’s hand again. Maybe he was holding it a little tighter than usual but, to be fair, parents weren’t his thing.

“Ah, I see my son’s been talking about how cool I am again.” Alan nodded and smiled over at Jensen. “You boys gonna work on dinner now?”

“Yup. I’m planning veggie burgers and carrot sticks.” Jensen smirked at his dad’s barely-concealed look of disgust before shaking his head and looking over at his boyfriend. “Want to help me make dinner? I swear it’s not really veggie burgers.”

“Sure.” Jared moved around Jensen quickly and pulled his boyfriend with him toward the kitchen. “I’m just gonna help, Mr. Ackles.”

“Hey.” Alan reached out and gripped Jared’s shoulder, and for a moment Jensen was really concerned things were about to get ugly, but then his dad smiled. “Call me Alan, Jared. It’s obvious my son’s really into you; he doesn’t bring people around to meet me often. Don’t worry, I promise I own no weapons.”

Jensen sighed and shook his head, opening the fridge to pull out the tub of heart-healthy butter substitute. “Dad? Seriously. That might be just as freaky as being all creepy _I’ma kill you if you hurt my son_ like.”

“Now come on, I was just trying to keep the boy from dying of a fear-induced heart attack. I can be very intimidating.” Alan looked at Jared and sighed. “You tell him, Jared; tell him how freaky I am.”

Smile tugging at the corners of Jared’s mouth, he turned to Jensen. “He’s a little freaky,” he said softly. “But I’m glad you’re not gonna kill me, sir. Alan, sir.”

Jared flushed and tugged on Jensen’s hand again.

Laughing, Alan shook his head. “See, Jensen? Jared thinks I’m freaky.” When Jensen just snorted, Alan laughed and headed out of the kitchen. “Time for a shower. Jensen, please put some actual meat on my dinner plate. None of this tofu or veggie crap.”

“You’ll eat what I make or it’s pretzels and beer!” Jensen called after him then turned to Jared. “Actually, that’s not much of a threat. He’s horrible with food regulations. But he’ll watch _America’s Next Top Model_ with me on Wednesdays. Don’t tell him I told you.”

Sighing with relief, Jared stayed very close to Jensen as they moved into the kitchen.

“I think he didn’t hate me,” Jared murmured. Ducking down, he caught Jensen’s lips in a quick kiss.

It was hard not to press into the kiss but he knew his father would probably freak a little if he caught them kissing. There were things he didn’t need to see. “He likes you. He told you to call him Alan and he teased you. Clear signs of affection. You did great.” Jensen smiled and gently touched his cheek. “Better now?”

“Better.” Jared was still a little rattled but now that the initial meeting was over he could at least stop wondering if he would just get kicked out of the house. “What are we making?”

“Pasta. It’s a safe dish that my dad will actually eat.” Jensen turned to the fridge and dipped down, tugging open the vegetable drawer and offering the contents up to Jared. “You want to start chopping those up and I’ll get the pasta cooking?” Jensen could definitely get a thrill out of them cooking dinner together; it was so domestic, and part of Jensen had always wanted that kind of thing. “Hey, if my dad asks you about your family and stuff... it’s okay if you need to lie. Just so you know.”

Pulling a knife out of the block, Jared found a cutting board and picked out a bright green pepper. “I guess your dad wouldn’t want to know what kind of family I really come from, huh?” There were still times when Jared wished he had a normal family like everyone else -- maybe that Jeff hadn’t gone to pick up his parents. Everything would have been so different. The knife sliced through the top of the pepper and Jared pulled out the seeds and cut it in half. “Maybe, after he gets to know me? And knows I’m not like Je- like that?”

“It’s not like that.” Jensen frowned and set the pot of water on the burner, turning it on before sliding to Jared’s side. “I just don’t think he’ll be quiet about it. I think he’ll want to tell someone. And if you don’t want that to happen... I don’t think he’ll automatically assume you’re like Jeff.” Jensen curled his fingers over Jared’s hip, squeezing softly.

“I just don’t want people to know, ‘cause then we won’t have to leave. I don’t want to leave, Jensen.” Jared kept chopping the pepper because if he stopped, he was going to have Jensen in his arms again.

“I don’t want you to leave,” Jensen said softly, leaning closer to press his lips to Jared’s shoulder. “So we don’t tell him everything Jeff does, and maybe you’ll be able to stay.” Jensen pulled back to smile up at Jared, trying his hardest to be encouraging.

Nodding, Jared picked out some carrots.

“Shouldn’t you be cooking? I think I’m doing all the hard work,” he teased. Talking about leaving had made that weight press back on his chest again and he didn’t like it.

“I like a man who can do some hard work,” Jensen snorted and hesitated for a moment before pressing his fingers to the small of Jared’s back. “I’m waiting for the water to boil.” He leaned against the counter beside his boyfriend, watching the strands of hair slipping free and falling in Jared’s face. Chuckling, Jensen reached out to tuck the hair back behind the taller man’s ear. “You’re kind of really gorgeous, you know.”

“You’re biased. You’re my... you _are_ my boyfriend, right? For real?” Jared’s hand froze halfway through cutting a carrot. “Like... we don’t see anyone else. Just us. I want _just us_.” His eyes widened slightly and he turned quickly to rest his cheek against Jensen’s fingers.

“Well, I suppose I can tell all my other boyfriends that I just like you more.” Jensen sighed but continued to smile up at Jared. “Yeah, just us. I’m completely okay with that. Never been anyone’s boyfriend; should be interesting.” He leaned up to brush his lips over Jared’s, figuring dinner could definitely wait to keep working on this kissing thing.

“We will be getting food at some point, right?” Alan paused as he walked into the room, clearing his throat.

Jensen groaned and fell back, shooting his dad a look. “No, Dad, because I _never_ make you dinner.”

“Sure you make it; doesn’t mean it’s edible,” Alan grumbled and headed for the fridge. “Has he made you eat tofu yet, Jared?”

“No,” Jared laughed. “But I’m willing to bet Jensen can be very persuasive when he wants to be.” Jared finished up with the vegetables and took them over to the other counter nearest the stove. “I’m kind of a meat and potatoes guy, myself.” He bumped Jensen’s shoulder with his when Alan’s head was buried in the fridge.

“Good, maybe I’ve seen the end of tofu,” Alan grunted, the noise half mumbled.

Jensen chuckled and shook his head, dumping a bag of pasta into the boiling water.

“Keep dreaming, Dad.” He wasn’t completely sure this thing with Jared was going to be easy -- and he still had a deep-rooted worry about him leaving at some point -- but he thought they could make it work. And he was actually kind of excited to try.


	4. Chapter 4

For almost four weeks, Jensen had been living in a happy little bubble named Jared. It sounded a little weird in his mind but it was completely true. Every spare moment he had he spent with Jared, learning all about his favorite things, his pet peeves, the things that made him tick, and Jensen couldn’t ever remember having so much fun in his life. Jared spent an absurd amount of time at their house, to the point where Jensen didn’t even mind watching the game with his dad because it meant sitting beside Jared on the couch, tucking under his arm, listening to his dad’s happy laughter as they discussed plays.

It was getting to the point where Jensen stopped worrying that Jared might disappear. It didn’t seem like it would happen -- could happen -- because he _loved_ Jared and that had to be enough to keep him there. And according to what Jared kept saying, Jeff seemed to be staying out of trouble. Of course, Jensen had yet to meet the man, but he wasn’t sure if that was a bad thing or not. He didn’t know if meeting Jeff was something he really wanted, because keeping his issues a secret after actually seeing him? Jensen wasn’t sure he could handle that.

When Jensen pulled up to Jared’s house, though, it looked like his luck was about to change. He hadn’t thought he’d be able to spend time with Jared tonight, but his dad had some work that was urgent and now Jensen was free. His plan had been to surprise Jared but his steps toward the front door hesitated when he peered at the dark blue truck in the driveway. Jensen didn’t know if he was ready to meet Jeff but turning around and leaving now wasn’t really an option.

He was maybe a little addicted to being around Jared.

Clearing his throat, Jensen smoothed a hand up through his hair and crossed his fingers for just a moment, praying Jared would answer. He didn’t even know if Jeff knew who he was. Finally done stalling, Jensen tapped twice on the front door and stepped back, trying to look as friendly and approachable as he could manage.

Jared had bolted for the door as soon as he heard Jensen’s car. Halfway through the living room, he collided with Jeff’s shoulder and sent his uncle veering into the wall. Stumbling the last few steps to the door, Jared snatched his coat off the chair and shoved his feet into his boots.

“Jesus _Christ_ , Jared! Is there a fire you forgot to mention?” Jeff rubbed at his shoulder and glared at his nephew.

“No, just going out.” Yanking the door open, Jared glanced quickly at Jensen and moved to close the door behind him. As his eyes met Jensen’s, he was halfway to smiling when Jeff’s voice boomed out behind him.

“Jared Tristan, you _freeze_. What’s got you so worked-” Jeff yanked the door back open and looked down at Jensen. “Oh, hey. Who are you?”

Groaning, Jared stepped just to the side. “Jeff, this is Jensen. Jensen, my Uncle Jeff.” The absolute _last_ thing Jared had expected was a visit from Jensen and he certainly wasn’t psychologically prepared for his boyfriend to meet his uncle.

“Hi, sir, it’s nice to meet you.” Jensen smiled up at the man and held out his hand, more than a little aware of the image he gave off. After all, it wasn’t like he dressed like most teenage boys, and today he was wearing black slacks and a light purple sweater, and Jared’s uncle was kind of scary big just like Jared, just... different. Not at all like Jensen had pictured. “I’ve heard a lot about you,” he offered, wondering how long he should hold his hand out -- and why didn’t he _call_ first?

“Really?” Jeff thumped Jared on the shoulder before reaching for Jensen’s hand. “‘Cause oddly enough, I haven’t heard anything about you. Nice to meet you, Jensen.”

“You weren’t around when we met and I for-”

“Jensen, come on inside. You must be one of Jared’s friends from school.” Leaving the door open, Jeff turned and headed back into the living room.

Swearing softly under his breath, Jared could feel anxiety starting to swirl tightly in his stomach.

“You can go now if you want,” he whispered. “I’ll tell him you were just dropping something off.” He glanced over his shoulder quickly then dipped down and kissed Jensen’s bottom lip.

“But I wanted to... hang out, you know?” Jensen frowned and looked up at Jared. “Should I not tell him we’re dating? I can pretend like we’re not.” He whispered the words and looked into the house, trying to judge what sort of mood Jared’s uncle might be in, because he knew there were good days and bad days.

Jared felt a bit trapped. On one side -- there was the whole promise he’d made to Jensen about being truthful and not hiding things, then on the other side -- Jeff. And if Jared had neglected to even _mention_ he had a boyfriend, it wasn’t anything to do with Jensen -- it was entirely that Jeff had bouts of wanting to be a ‘parental’ figure and Jared tried to avoid dealing with that whenever possible.

“I’m not ashamed of us or anything,” Jared muttered stubbornly. “Come on in.” Holding out his hand, he waited until Jensen’s fingers slid over his palm and pulled him into the house. “You want a soda? I’ve got some Diet Coke still.”

“Is that why you started buying that stuff?” Jeff laughed and patted the couch beside him. “Come sit, Jensen. Jared will get you a drink.”

Frowning, Jared stood there for a few moments and watched his uncle’s gaze move down to their hands.

“Alright,” Jensen nodded slowly and squeezed Jared’s hand once, looking up at him before letting go and crossing to the couch. He tried not to act too weird as he sat beside the man, swallowing thickly and resting his hands in his lap. “So, um, how are you, sir?”

“Call me Jeff. You datin’ my nephew?” Jeff kicked his feet up on the coffee table and ran his fingers through his mop of thick black hair.

“Uh…” Jensen looked over toward the kitchen, wishing that Jared would _hurry_ because, god. “Yes, sir. Jeff. Yeah.” He nodded and looked over at the big man, squaring his shoulders. “Is that a problem?”

A smile appeared on Jeff’s mouth as he turned to look at Jensen. “I don’t know -- does he like you?”

“Oh _God_ , Jeff. Don’t be a dick.” Jared had almost skidded around the corner after wrestling the sodas out of the box in the fridge. Walking over, he handed one to Jensen and the other to his uncle then squeezed in between them on the couch. Hesitating a moment, he looked at Jensen out of the corner of his eye and settled his hand on his boyfriend’s thigh.

“A dick. Thought I raised you better than that,” Jeff growled. But he took the soda and opened it. “You didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend.”

Squeezing Jensen’s thigh, Jared shifted nervously. “No, I didn’t, ‘cause you mess in my life too much sometimes. Jensen and I have been together a few weeks, so -- I would have told you. Eventually.” His free hand picked at the seam on his jeans.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you anyway, Jensen the _boy_ friend,” Jeff muttered.

“Nice to meet you too, Jeff the uncle,” Jensen nodded and bit down on his lip. It was strange to see the dynamic between Jared and Jeff; Jensen had always tried to picture it but it was never quite like this. He figured Jeff had to be having a good day. Turning to Jared, Jensen leaned forward and pressed his lips to the taller boy’s ear. “My dad is gonna be gone tonight. Think you could stay over?” He looked away quickly to hide the flush of heat at the words.

Jared’s cheeks began that slow burn that Jensen often sparked off. Nodding, he tried to keep himself calm even though the very idea of being with Jensen for the entire night kind of made it feel like little fireworks were going off in Jared’s belly. Wide-eyed and with a stupid grin on his face, he turned to Jensen’s lips and kissed him quickly.

“What did I just miss? I might be old but I’m not stupid.” Jeff laughed and shifted forward on the couch to look at the two young men. “You two look like cats that just swallowed canaries.”

Laughing, Jared relaxed slightly into Jensen’s side. “I just missed my boyfriend, that’s all.”

“Jared and I don’t really have any classes together at school; we even have different lunches. But he still manages to save me at least once a day,” Jensen chuckled softly and hooked his arm around Jared’s, dropping his head onto the bigger boy’s shoulder. “He’s like a superhero.”

“A superhero?” Jeff’s eyes crinkled at the corners when he laughed. “You got it bad, kid.”

“Jeff,” Jared whined. “Stop it.” But there was part of his heart that was warming a little, thanking _whoever_ saw fit to bring a surprise visit from Jensen when Jeff was having a good week.

Leaning forward so he could see Jensen, Jeff narrowed his eyes a little. “You gonna take care of my nephew? Treat him right? He’s a good kid, you know.”

Jared groaned.

“He is a good kid. The best. And yes, sir, I’m going to. I already make sure he eats the best stuff.” Jensen frowned at the words and laughed. “I mean, I make my dad eat healthy stuff and Jared reaps the benefits of that when he eats over.”

“That’s where you’ve been disappearing to. I thought there was more food around here all of a sudden,” Jeff grinned.

Jared stood up quickly and tugged on Jensen’s hand. “Okay, enough visiting. Let’s go. I won’t be home tonight, Jeff. Gonna stay over at Jen’s.” Jared said it like it was the most commonplace thing in the world but he was not only _freaking out_ inside at the possibility but he wasn’t entirely sure how Jeff would react.

“ _O_ kay. Number?” Jeff pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and tossed it to Jared.

After programming in the Ackles’ house phone number, Jared tossed it back. “You stayin’ in tonight?”

“Yeah, Jay, don’t worry.” Jeff smiled sadly and pushed up off the couch. “Hey, can you run the garbage out before you go? I’ll keep Jensen company.”

Frowning, Jared stared at Jeff for a few moments then turned to Jensen. “You okay?”

“Yeah, don’t worry, I’m good.” Jensen grinned up at Jared and patted his arm before looking away, swallowing thickly. He was a little worried about how this was going to go, whether Jeff had something special to say to him, but he didn’t want to give off the wrong image.

Jeff’s eyes followed Jared as he moved back into the kitchen then he turned to Jensen. “Listen, kid. I don’t know what Jared’s told you, but -- things around here can get pretty crazy ‘cause of me. You got a good home? Family?”

“My dad, yeah. Just me and my dad.” Jensen curled his fingers over his knees and looked over at Jeff, wanting to be honest with him. “And Jared’s told me just about everything. I think.”

“He did, huh?” Jeff scratched at his chest then tugged his t-shirt flat again. “Guess you must be special. He doesn’t talk about me much. I don’t know what you know... about shit like this.” Jeff sighed. “I just want you to know that I love that kid, no matter what messes we get into, okay?”

“Okay,” Jensen nodded slowly and wet his lips, looking toward the door then back sat Jeff. “Can you try... not to leave? I mean, I know sometimes things happen and stuff but just… I’m kind of in love with Jared, I think, and I just… if you could try.”

Slamming the back door behind him, Jared slid into the living room and looked from his boyfriend to his uncle and then back. “What?”

It felt like something kind of big had happened and he’d walked in right in the middle of it.

“Nothin’; just talkin’,” Jeff said. Turning to Jensen, he stared at the boy for a few moments then nodded. “I will, Jensen. It was good to meet you, son.”

“You too, sir. Jeff.” Jensen chuckled and pushed up to his feet, crossing to Jared and laying a hand over the taller boy’s arm. “Ready to go? I thought we could swing by and get a pizza on the way home. I’ll even let you get pepperoni on it.” Jensen grinned up at him, hoping that worried and suspicious look would disappear.

“Pepperoni? Now I _know_ you’re up to something.” Smiling over at Jeff, Jared waved. “See you tomorrow? Right?”

“Yeah, Jared. I’ll be here tomorrow. I promise.” Jeff smiled.

Blowing out a breath, Jared slung his arm over Jensen’s shoulders, relaxing a little. “Okay, boyfriend, fetch me pizza.” He snickered and steered Jensen toward the front door.

“’Bye, guys,” Jeff called out.

“’Bye, Jeff,” Jensen called back to him and smiled at Jared, not trying to talk until they’d gotten in the car. He turned on the ignition, not sure if Jared wanted to linger in front of his house. “That didn’t go as bad as I thought.”

“He didn’t say anything weird to you, did he?” Jared tilted his head slightly, studying Jensen’s profile.

“No.” Jensen shook his head and glanced once more at the house before heading out of the neighborhood. “It’s pretty obvious he loves you, despite everything. And… I hope it’s not a bad thing but, um, I kind of told him that I knew. You know, about the thing.” Jensen shrugged, rolling his bottom lip under his teeth.

“Yeah?” Jared shifted a little, nerves a little frayed by the interaction. “He was okay with it? With you-” Laughing nervously, Jared reached out for Jensen’s hand. “You probably think I blew everything out of proportion, right? But it’s been a good week...”

“I don’t think that.” Jensen frowned, pulling into the lot for Pizza Hut. “I believe you, that it can be really bad. I’m glad that there are good weeks. He didn’t seem upset that I knew, just said it meant you must like me.” Jensen pulled into a spot and sighed softly, looking over at Jared. “Even if you didn’t tell him about me.”

“I wanted it for just me,” Jared confessed quietly. “Sometimes, it feels like everything he touches just goes to shit.” Jared’s brow lifted slightly when he realized what he’d said and he looked over at Jensen quickly. “I really do care about him; I didn’t mean that like it sounded.”

“Jared, it’s me; you know you can say anything and I’m not going to think badly about you.” Jensen smiled softly at him, touching his cheek before unbuckling his belt. “I’m gonna run in and get the pizza; I might have just assumed you’d say yes.” Jensen laughed and climbed out of the car before Jared could say anything more.

Truthfully, Jensen was still a little shaken up about the whole ‘meeting Jeff’ thing. Sure, the man was nice, and Jensen was glad he was having a good week, but he almost wanted to see what Jeff was like when he was bad; maybe he could help Jared more. And, well, he might have just told his boyfriend’s uncle that he was in love with Jared when the boy in question didn’t even know.

Less than five minutes later, Jensen was sliding back into the car beside Jared, smiling over at him and offering the pizza. “I made brownies too. I’m really glad you could stay over. My dad had to go up to the city; it’s a big client’s car and I don’t know, he said it was really important. So, seemed like a good night to finally have you over.”

“I love your brownies,” Jared murmured. The pizza smelled good and Jared’s stomach growled loudly. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, anything.” Jensen smiled over at him as he pulled out of the spot and headed out of the lot. His gut was starting to churn with warmth and excitement at the idea of having Jared in his bed all night and, well, everything. The drive home was going to seem far too long.

“Do I get to stay in your room? In your bed?” Jared fidgeted nervously, warmth flooding through his veins.

Choking on a laugh, Jensen looked over at Jared at a stoplight and grinned. “Yeah, of course. I thought we could...” Flushing, Jensen turned back to the road and half shrugged. “You know, we could do stuff.”

“Stuff?” Jared’s mouth went a little dry and his heart shot around in his chest like a ping pong ball.

“Stuff,” Jensen repeated and gripped the wheel a little tighter. “You know, more stuff. Less... slow.” It had been all he could think about for weeks now, and Jensen was even more nervous than before, because he cared more.

“Less slow?” Jared was well aware that he was repeating the same things Jensen was saying but his mind was kind of short-circuiting at the idea of _more_ and what that might mean. “So… like ‘more than kissing, less than sex’ kind of more. Right?” The drive to Jensen’s house had never felt longer.

“More than kissing,” Jensen agreed and laughed. “You realize that most of this conversation has been the exact same words said over and over?” He clutched the wheel a little tighter, sighing in relief as they turned into his neighborhood. “Anyway, yes, definitely more than kissing.”

“And the, uh, the sex thing?” Jared shifted toward Jensen and stared at him wide-eyed, mouth open slightly.

“I guess it just depends. You know, on what happens. I don’t want to set boundaries.” Jensen almost whispered the words as he pulled into the driveway, looking over at Jared. “Is that okay? If you don’t want to do the sex thing, we can wait. I mean, I don’t even know if... we can play it by ear and, _god_ , you should just tell me to stop talking now.”

Jared smiled fondly, anxiety loosening its hold on him for the moment.

“Take me inside and feed me.” Grinning, he leaned forward quickly and kissed Jensen then darted out of the car and waited, bouncing at the door for his boyfriend.

Chuckling, Jensen hurried after his boyfriend and led the way inside. He wasn’t giving Jared a choice on dining entertainment. He pointed to the couch and dropped beside him a few moments later with two Cokes -- one Diet, one not -- and quickly flipped the TV on. “Have you seen _The Princess Bride_? We’re watching it and I think you’re gonna love it.”

“Uh, Jensen? I make a point of _not_ watching movies with _Princess_ in the title. It’s a thing...” Taking the Coke, Jared grinned at his boyfriend. He was _really_ going to enjoy their date, he knew it. It wasn’t _just_ the staying over thing -- it was everything. It was feeling at home at Jensen’s place, just spending a great evening at _home_.

Sighing softly, Jensen shook his head and clicked his tongue, flicking open the pizza box. “Oh boyfriend of mine, you have no idea what you’re missing. Just sit back, eat your pizza, drink your Coke and enjoy the amazingness that is Cary Elwes.” Jensen set the pizza beside Jared on the couch before tucking in at his side and reaching around him for a slice. “I’ve been looking forward to this all day. Couldn’t wait to surprise you.”

“It’s great. I... yeah.” Jared wasn’t sure he could put into words how things were kind of coming together for him. Jeff had been in a good mood, he’d been clean for almost a week, and spending a night with Jensen… It was all a little too good to be true. “Thank you,” Jared said softly. Ducking down, he kissed the top of Jensen’s head and grabbed some pizza.

Jensen was more than content to just tuck up against Jared’s side, watching him out of the corner of his eye as Jared watched the movie. It had the effect Jensen had been hoping for, sucking Jared in like all good movies should, and Jensen had known Jared was going to love it.

Which was fine with him, allowing Jared to watch until they’d polished off the pizza, and Jensen once more thought about the _other_ part of the evening. He wet his lips and shifted a little closer, tilting his head up until his mouth could run over Jared’s neck. Even if it was one of his favorite parts, when the Dread Pirate Roberts was having his battle of wits and so forth.

Smiling softly, Jensen pressed even closer, parting his lips to run firmer against Jared’s neck, pulling the skin between his lips and releasing. His hand was shaking slightly but he inched forward, slipping it under Jared’s shirt and brushing along the heat of his chest.

Jared swallowed and shifted lower, turning slightly to give Jensen more room.

“Th-the movie. Not done,” he murmured. One touch and his body was on fire. Jared didn’t have a lot of experience with the whole _waiting_ thing but so far, it felt pretty good.

“I own it; I’m sure we can watch the rest later,” Jensen murmured and kissed his way up, drawing Jared’s earlobe between his teeth. He liked to think he was getting better about the kissing thing, and the turning Jared on thing, and his mind had certainly supplied a variety of ways the night could go. Leg sliding over Jared’s lap, Jensen turned to face him and pressed forward, sucking more kisses along Jared’s neck. “How does your skin always taste so good?”

Sliding his hands around Jensen’s waist, Jared pulled him closer until he was straddling his lap and they were flush together.

“God, you... the way you kiss me,” Jared murmured. One hand crept up Jensen’s back until he could feel the soft skin at the nape of his boyfriend’s neck. Shifting his hips a little, side to side, Jared moaned and grabbed at Jensen’s hair. “You make me want you so bad,” he whispered huskily.

Heat shot through Jensen and he moaned quietly, tightening his knees on both sides of Jared’s hips.

“I keep thinking about it, being with you. And the way it felt, that first night.” He slid his lips against Jared’s, closing his eyes as his body rocked forward. “You wanna go downstairs now?” His heart was racing almost painfully in his chest and nerves had a shudder rocking down his body, but he smiled at Jared before dipping in and sucking along the boy’s bottom lip.

Groaning, Jared pushed forward until he was sitting on the edge of the couch, Jensen still tight against his body. Palms gliding up and down Jensen’s back, he held his boyfriend there and slid their lips together in a slow, gentle kiss. He pretty much felt the kiss throughout his entire body, tingling, heat and… _God_ , he was pretty sure he was going to just stop breathing.

Moaning low into the kiss, Jensen slid his hands up through Jared’s hair, back down along his sides. He wanted to touch every inch of the boy, and taste him, and lose himself in the way their skin felt sliding together.

“Jared.” Jensen pulled back with a soft gasp, wetting his lips to chase the taste of his boyfriend there. “I love you.” Jensen blinked down at him, surprised the words had tumbled out of his mouth when he hadn’t meant to say them like that.

Jared felt a little like he was turned inside out. His stomach flipped and twisted and he tightened his arms around Jensen. His voice was low, lips moving gently against his boyfriend’s. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Jensen nodded and slid back, holding out his hand. “Come on, let’s go to my room.” He was really just relieved that Jared didn’t totally freak at Jensen’s impromptu confession, and knowing he felt that way made him want to have _everything_ with Jared.

Taking Jensen’s hand, Jared followed him out of the living room and down the stairs. There was only one small lamp on by the bed and it was kind of warm in the room. Jared smiled and stepped up to Jensen’s back when he stopped in the middle of his bedroom. Circling his hands around his boyfriend’s body, he slid one up the front of his neck and cupped Jensen’s cheek, the other hand gliding down the front of Jensen’s slacks and gripping his thigh.

Jared’s lips ghosted down Jensen’s ear, tongue dancing over the curves of flesh.

“I love you, Jensen,” he whispered.

The air whooshed out of Jensen in a way he hadn’t expected, maybe because he didn’t know if Jared was going to say it back, if he felt as strongly. Closing his eyes, Jensen leaned into Jared’s body, trying to keep from letting his knees give out.

“That’s... god, it’s really good to hear that,” he laughed breathlessly and bit down on his lip, savoring the feel of Jared’s hands on his body.

Humming quietly, Jared moved them slowly toward the bed, hands still moving on Jensen’s frame. He loved the way that Jensen’s muscles moved under his palms, the fact that he could feel the quiver of Jensen’s throat when he swallowed; it was all amazing and sexy, and there was a tenderness to it all that always left Jared a little breathless.

Ducking his head, Jared sucked a trail of wet kisses down Jensen’s neck. When he reached the spot just above his boyfriend’s shoulder, Jensen shivered and Jared chuckled softly.

“Love touching you, too,” Jared whispered.

“Love when you touch me,” Jensen laughed breathlessly and pulled away, detaching himself from Jared and grinning over at him. “If you _keep_ touching me, I’m not going to last through anything.” He shrugged, flushing as he stared down at his feet and grabbed the hem of his shirt and tugged it off, kicking his shoes away to the side as well. His hands hesitated on his midsection and he looked back up, smiling shyly at Jared. “Do you... want me to take them off?”

“Let me,” Jared offered quickly. Closing the distance between them, he let his fingertips trail down Jensen’s chest, his belly and then traced the waistband of his slacks. “I’ve thought about this a lot,” he confessed shakily. Pulling back for a moment, he pulled his shirt off and stood there, eyes moving over Jensen’s smooth skin.

It didn’t take him more than the span of a breath to be back against Jensen’s body, fingers dancing down Jensen’s sides and following the waistband forward to the button in front.

“You’re so gorgeous,” he said. Kissing his boyfriend’s temple, Jared popped the button free and dragged the zipper down slowly as he tried to remember to keep breathing.

Sucking in slow breaths, Jensen laid his hand flat on Jared’s back, feeling the muscles ripple under his touch.

“ _You_ are gorgeous,” he laughed shakily, all too aware of the feel of Jared’s hands so low on his body. He had to keep reminding himself to savor each of these moments, the first time someone touched him, someone he loved _so_ much it was insane. “This is going to kill me.” He laughed once more and tilted up, capturing Jared’s lips with his own. He loved kissing Jared, and hours of making out over the last month had never felt like enough, but feeling it now, with their skin pressed together and Jared’s hand still moving to push his pants down, Jensen was worried he would lose his mind.

When Jensen’s slacks reached just below his hips, Jared let go of the soft material and it shushed to the floor, pooling around Jensen’s ankles. There was no way that Jared could resist looking; his gaze drifted down and lingered over Jensen’s hip.

Shaking, Jared turned his gaze back up.

“You-you remember what I told you before? My favorite part on a guy?” Jared’s voice was soft, deep, and his fingers curved over Jensen’s hips, thumbs brushing along the dip just above them. Leaning down, he caught Jensen’s mouth again with his own, tongue sliding forward slowly, teasing its way into his boyfriend’s mouth.

Jensen’s arms wrapped around Jared’s shoulders, holding on, because he didn’t know if he was going to be strong enough to keep himself up. Not with Jared’s fingers burning along his skin and his tongue sliding so teasingly forward. Jensen pulled back after several long minutes, panting as he looked up at Jared.

Then his eyes slid down, scanning along Jared’s sculpted chest. “Jesus, you’re like... the subject of every gay boy’s fantasies,” Jensen laughed -- praying it didn’t sound hysterical -- and slid his hands down Jared’s chest. His fingers lingered on Jared’s waistline and he looked up slowly. “Can I take off yours too?”

Nodding, Jared smiled. “Please.”

Jensen caught his lip under his teeth, biting down as he slowly flicked the button open, letting his fingers purposefully linger on the skin. The nerves were back in full force, causing his fingers to shake slightly as he fumbled with the zipper and slowly pulled down.

Looking up quickly, he smiled at Jared then curled his thumbs over the waistband and pushed down. What he didn’t expect when he looked down was to find Jared’s bare body, his already hard cock flushed and swollen, and Jensen’s eyes widened. He’d seen naked guys before, but always through a computer screen, and it was _Jared_. Jensen swallowed thickly, unable to look away, and apparently unable to resist the urge to touch.

Reaching out, he just barely brushed his fingers over the red skin and sucked in another sharp breath.

“Do you go without underwear often?” he whispered, voice far deeper than it had been moments before.

Jared sucked in a breath as his body jolted forward into Jensen’s touch. Moaning, he panted for a few moments then smiled bleary-eyed at his boyfriend.

“Laundry day,” he muttered. His hands gripped Jensen’s hips tighter and he pulled him close to his body, pressing up against Jensen’s hip. Mouthing his way across the shorter boy’s cheek, nipping his bottom lip, Jared took Jensen’s mouth in a kiss that might have been a little desperate.

Fingers hooking around Jared’s hips, Jensen dragged them both back, moaning into the kiss as he fell onto the mattress and Jared fell on top of him. Their hips rocked hard together and Jensen hooked his leg around Jared’s body, holding him close. But the friction wasn’t enough and Jensen groaned, tearing back from the kiss.

“Need… take my briefs off, god it feels so...” Jensen trailed off, shaking his head.

Sucking in a deep breath, Jared placed his hand against his boyfriend’s chest and pressed him against the mattress. Licking and kissing his way down Jensen’s chest, Jared hummed quietly; the salty-sweet taste of Jensen’s skin was sending little shivers down the back of his neck.

His tongue flicked along Jensen’s ribs, then down the midline of his body, dipping into his bellybutton. The way Jensen quivered beneath him was making Jared’s heart beat faster and faster. But he didn’t stop. Nosing into the downy soft hair just above Jensen’s briefs, Jared curled his fingers over the waistband and tugged it up then back, slowly dragging the material along the hard flesh of his boyfriend’s cock. Pushing the fabric down, he rolled to the side for Jensen to fumble out of them and smiled at him. His hand moved in a small circle on Jensen’s belly. “Okay?”

“Yeah,” Jensen nodded and looked over at Jared, pulling in another slow breath to try and calm his body. He felt like his skin was on fire, like Jared’s lips had left a burning wake as he moved down, and he smiled. “I definitely feel kind of drunk,” he laughed and reached out, sliding his hand through Jared’s hair. “Now what?”

Blinking slowly, Jared slid back up the side of Jensen’s body. “Now we kiss some more; I touch you; I-” Jared couldn’t even think properly anymore the way Jensen was looking up at him. His boyfriend was flushed a deep red, eyes dark and a little dreamy-looking, and even though Jensen probably didn’t even know it, his spine was arching ever-so-slightly up off the bed.

Grabbing Jensen’s shoulders, Jared rolled them until he was covered by his boyfriend’s body. He wanted Jensen to be in control, to be the one deciding how far things went. Moaning low and deep, Jared skimmed his hands down Jensen’s back when the boy straddled his hips so naturally, squeezing his knees against Jared’s hips then falling down to crash their mouths together.

The first touch of their cocks gliding together was enough to have a needy moan falling from Jensen’s lips into the kiss. He rocked his hips forward, rolling against Jared’s body as the taller boy sucked his tongue. Jensen felt almost dizzy with desire, his hands fluttering over Jared’s body, everywhere he could reach.

It felt like hours later when he pulled back from the kiss, panting as he stared down at him.

“God, you...” He scraped his teeth over his lip and gently circled his hips down against Jared’s body. “I think about you, like this, a lot and...” He wet his lips once more and looked away, not able to meet Jared’s eyes as he said more. “I touched myself, you know. Not like... I used fingers when I thought about you.” Jensen’s face was burning and he dropped down once more, burying his face in Jared’s neck.

“God, how can... how can you even be real?” Jared nuzzled into his boyfriend’s hair and rolled his body up to slide their cocks together again. It was the most exquisite kind of torture, just the gentle glide of fiery hot skin. “Jensen, look at me.”

Still flushing, Jensen pulled back and looked down at Jared, biting at his lip once more. He could stare at Jared like this for hours -- days, even -- and never get sick of it; the way the hazel of Jared’s eyes was almost completely hidden by his lust-blown pupils. And his kiss-swollen lips! Even his hair looked amazing spread out on the white pillowcase, and Jensen smiled softly.

“I want everything, Jared. You know, _everything_.” He chuckled breathlessly, trailing off in a moan as their bodies rolled together once more.

Jared closed his eyes against the emotion welling up inside him. “S’okay, if you-” Jared moaned when Jensen’s body writhed slowly against his. “If you don’t, if we don’t,” he said in a rush of air. _Jesus_ , he’d never been so hard, and _never_ had he _ever_ been so worried about not hurting someone, not rushing, savoring every single moment. “I want it all -- but slow... it’s okay.”

His head dropped back against the mattress and rolled to the side when Jensen undulated his hips and ground his ass against his cock.

“Fuck,” Jared hissed.

“Are you saying...” Jensen’s head tilted back for a moment, the pleasure almost too maddening. If they kept up like this, he definitely wouldn’t last. He dropped off Jared’s body and dug his elbow into the bed, facing Jared. “You don’t want to have sex with me?” Jensen frowned slightly, still panting softly. “I mean, all the way sex.” He hadn’t even thought of the possibility that Jared was bi and maybe wasn’t interested in fucking the way guys did; maybe he saw that as something _weird_ , and Jensen flushed even brighter. “Do you even want that? God, I didn’t even ask. Now who’s the one pushing things?” He shifted closer to Jared and pressed his lips to Jared’s shoulder, touching his stomach nervously.

“Jesus _Christ_ ,” Jared moaned breathlessly. Moving rapidly, he rolled on top of Jensen, holding his upper body up but grinding his hips down _hard_ against Jensen’s. “I want it,” he groaned. “I want you -- _God_ \-- I’ve done nothing but think about it. Think about fingering you open, fucking you.” Lowering his upper body, Jared dragged his lips down Jensen’s neck and bit down hard on the top of his shoulder. Lapping at the bite marks, soothing, he moaned again, body still pressing down against his boyfriend’s.

“Fuck!” Jensen gasped and arched up against Jared, the words burning through him at the same maddening pace as the touch of their skin. He’d tried to imagine since he met Jared what it would be like, their first time together, but this was too hot, burning through Jensen’s mind, and he never could have pictured it right. “I want it,” he whispered, spreading his legs a little wider so Jared fell between. “I want you in me; I think about it all the time too.” Jensen’s voice was breathy and low.

The burn of desire that flashed through Jared’s body left him quivering and weak. _Jensen_ wanted him, wanted _this_ , them -- the _us_ that Jared had craved for so long. Staring down at Jensen for the span of a few pounding heartbeats, Jared half smiled -- then it faded and he frowned.

“I-” His voice broke.

Somewhere in his lust-clouded brain, he knew how important this moment was, what it meant to Jensen, and his shattered feelings just couldn’t come together enough to push out the right words. Lowering himself down slowly, moaning then gasping softly as their flesh slid together, Jared kissed Jensen. Slow, sweet -- tongue lingering along Jensen’s bottom lip, Jared let his kisses speak for him.

A soft hum escaped Jensen’s lips into the kiss and he wrapped his arms around Jared, rocking slowly up against him. He didn’t know how to explain the change in their touches, the way Jared’s lips felt warm and deep, lingering over his. Gasping, Jensen slid his fingers through Jared’s hair, wrapping his leg around the taller boy’s so their bodies slid together once more. Jensen couldn’t get enough of that feeling.

When he pulled back from Jared’s lips, his eyes fluttered open, fixing on Jared’s.

“God, I love you. I can’t even remember what it was like before you.” Fingers gliding back down to Jared’s cheek, Jensen smiled up at him, leaning up to kiss him once more.

Mouthing his way down to Jensen’s ear, Jared moaned again as he half rolled them onto their sides. Gripping Jensen’s thigh, he pulled his leg up higher, hooking it over his hip and watching as Jensen’s lashes fluttered closed.

“Don’t wanna hurt you; did you get...” His lips brushed Jensen’s again; he was completely incapable of staying away from Jensen.

“Uh-huh.” Jensen dipped his head in a slow nod, staring at Jared for a moment before sighing and twisting to shove his hand under the pillow and pulling out a half full bottle of lube. “Don’t- just... Okay, yeah, there’s condoms in the drawer,” Jensen muttered and pressed the bottle into Jared’s hand.

Jared stared down at him, suddenly feeling every bit as inexperienced as he really was when it came to men. It wasn’t that he didn’t know what to do -- he did. He’d done… things… but this was special. Falling back, he took a deep breath. “Which drawer?”

“One closest to you,” Jensen murmured and sat up when Jared moved to the drawer. “Will this be your first time? I mean, with a guy. I don’t think I ever quite heard... I mean… just… do you know, like, how best to do... whatever.” It wasn’t really what Jensen wanted to ask but he figured now, moments away from actually having sex, wasn’t the best time for all this.

Pulling out the drawer, Jared grabbed one of the small packages and ran his fingers around the edges. Glancing up briefly, he shifted closer then dropped his gaze back to the packet in his fingers.

“I’ve never had sex with another guy, if that’s what you’re asking me. A couple of girls -- but I mean, I know what to do.” Heat flushed his neck and cheeks and Jared was thankful his hair had fallen forward.

“Yeah, I remember the ‘couple of girls’ thing,” Jensen nodded, the resounding ping of jealousy going a long way to ease off some of the intense heat and want. Pulling his knees up to his chest, Jensen looked over at Jared and down at the condom in his hand. “How do you know? ‘Cause I mean, you know I have, like, no experience and just... I’m not gonna be any good or anything.”

“Jensen, I’m scared,” Jared blurted out. “I’ve done things like this before, I’ve touched guys and... I know how it works. I’ve watched-- and...” His hands were shaking and Jared dropped them to his thighs. “It’s never meant anything; and you’re so good -- you’ll be good. God, it doesn’t even matter! I mean, it does -- but I love you so much it makes it hard to breathe.” His voice trailed away and he blinked, slowly raising his gaze to meet his boyfriend’s. “I just wanna get this right.”

Jensen had never been very good at talking when the emotions got to be too much, so he did what he usually did with Jared and fell forward, crushing his lips to Jared’s and gripping his hand, sliding it over his back and down until Jared’s fingers were curving over his ass. After a long few minutes, he pulled back, smiling down at Jared. “It’s going to be perfect because it does mean something. I’m scared too, okay? But… I want this. And if you do, then it’ll be great. But if you don’t, we can wait. Because it’s gonna be like your first time too, alright?”

Nodding slowly, Jared just inhaled the sweet warmth of Jensen’s breath for a few moments.

“It is,” he confirmed softly. His fingers curled harder into Jensen’s ass and he pulled the boy down on top of him. “Sometimes, it’s hard to believe you’re real,” he murmured.

“Nah,” Jensen laughed breathlessly and rubbed his nose along Jared’s before he rolled to the side, rolling Jared with him. “So what will it be? You wanna fuck me, Jared?” Jensen murmured against Jared’s ear, hand sliding over the boy’s skin.

“Jesus _Christ_ ,” Jared exclaimed with the last of his breath. Dragging his palm down Jensen’s body, he grabbed the smaller boy’s thigh again and pulled his leg back up. As soon as Jensen wrapped his leg over Jared’s waist, their mouths collided again. Hearing those words come from Jensen’s lips was kind of like being suddenly drunk. Head spinning, sucking in air through his nose, Jared claimed Jensen’s mouth. His tongue thrust forward, sweeping along the smooth, wet surfaces. When Jensen’s tongue slid underneath his, Jared moaned and reached back to grab Jensen’s ass.

It was more than a little thrilling to know he could affect Jared like this, and Jensen couldn’t seem to stop moaning. His hands slid along every inch of skin he could reach, his body rocking back against Jared’s hand on his ass. As each glide of his fingers took him a little closer, Jensen’s body began to shudder once more, anticipation and excitement making his mind spin. Jensen pulled back from Jared’s lips and laughed, breathy and shallow.

“I’ve got this theory that I just imagined you into life,” Jensen murmured and pressed his forehead to Jared’s. “And apparently you came out a tease.”

Jared shuddered and yanked a hand away to try and find the bottle of lube. Relief flood through him when he finally managed to find it.

“Oh, I’m not teasing.” Jared’s gaze darted up to his boyfriend’s. Squirting some lube on his fingers, he leaned back into Jensen’s body and slid a hand under Jensen’s thigh, curving over his balls. The heat of Jensen’s swollen cock was burning the tender skin of Jared’s wrist as his slick fingers found Jensen’s balls.

Rolling the soft flesh, Jared squeezed slightly and nipped Jensen’s bottom lip. His fingers rolled and twisted then slid back, pressing the heat just ahead of Jensen’s puckered opening.

“I’m gonna fuck you,” Jared whispered against his boyfriend’s mouth. “So hard.” Finger circling, pressing and withdrawing, Jared smiled then gave in to the _want_ thrumming through him. As soon as his finger breached the tight ring of muscle, Jensen’s eyes widened, dark and glazed, and Jared slanted his mouth over his boyfriend’s and kissed him roughly.

Half moaning, half whimpering into the kiss, Jensen rocked down onto Jared’s finger, spreading his legs a little wider for Jared to have more access. He’d done this before, to himself, because he wanted it to be _good_ when Jared did it. So he knew the feeling but, _god_ , Jared’s finger in him was burning, the stretch so very different. He clenched his eyes shut and tried to think of anything unappealing because he didn’t want to come yet, not before they’d even begun.

In the end, he settled on thinking about all those people who had mocked him for wanting this lifestyle. It was enough to ease the sudden slams of lust until Jared’s second finger was sliding in and his body was lurching up, his mouth tearing back from Jared’s. “Oh fuck! God, Jared, feels... god, so good.”

Making Jensen cry out sent shivers trickling down Jared’s spine. Rocking his hips forward, he slid his fingers deep inside the clenching heat of his boyfriend’s ass and hissed out a breath when their cocks rubbed together.

“You’re so hot like this.” Jared’s voice was thick with lust and he licked his lips as he stared down at Jensen’s flushed cheeks. “Love hearing you,” he murmured. Twisting his fingers slowly, he spread them slightly and nudged at Jensen’s lips with his own. “Don’t _ever_ be quiet when we do this, okay?” Panting, he thrust his fingers in hard, loving the way Jensen’s body jolted forward into his.

“Not sure I can-” Jensen groaned and rocked down against Jared’s fingers once more. His eyes clenched closed again as he rolled against his boyfriend’s touch. “-be quiet, ever,” he finally finished, laughing weakly.

Then Jared’s fingers were moving up once more and they brushed over that spot Jensen had always heard about but had never been able to reach. He sucked in a sharp breath and bowed off the bed, Jared’s name falling out of his mouth with a deep moan as he rocked through the intense spark.

“Whoa,” Jared murmured. Biting down hard on his bottom lip, he licked his way back into Jensen’s mouth and swept his fingers back over the small bundle of nerves and held Jensen tightly as he shuddered with pleasure.

It was like some really weird, twisted game in Jensen’s mind. He had to keep pulling up disgusting mental images of people like Calahan naked to keep from coming because Jared’s fingers kept moving and his mouth was just as hot, the kiss deep and lingering. Jensen only noted the slightest burn when Jared’s third finger slid in, and if it wasn’t for Jared holding him tightly, he probably would have lurched completely off the bed.

“Jared,” he gasped into the kiss and moaned softly, hands clutching hard to Jared’s arms. “Please. Need… just… please.” He pressed back up into the kiss, hoping Jared would understand his desperation.

Growling softly, Jared rolled onto his back and fumbled around underneath his ass for the condom.

“God,” he muttered. Tearing at the package with his teeth, he pulled out the condom and rolled it down over his aching flesh. “Jensen,” he whispered. “How... I wanna see your face,” he whispered. Slipping over his boyfriend’s body, he lifted Jensen’s legs and leaned forward against the back of Jensen’s thighs. The blunt head of his cock pressed gently at Jensen’s entrance and Jared held his breath for a few years. Staring down at Jensen, he smiled shyly. “Okay?”

“Okay,” Jensen whispered back and stared up at Jared. His heart caught in his throat at the first push, the burn and stretch so very different from fingers. “God.” Jensen closed his eyes and breathed in a slow breath, forcing his body to relax. He couldn’t believe that this was really happening; it didn’t seem real. “Jared.” He turned his head to the side, too caught up in the stretch of his muscles, the weight of the man pressing him down into the mattress.

“It’s okay, I got you,” Jared murmured. Taking some of his weight on his knees, he settled back a little and let Jensen’s calves rest on his shoulders. “Gonna make this good for you,” he promised. Reaching forward, his fingers curled around Jensen’s shaft, slipping up and down slowly and bringing the firmness back to his boyfriend’s erection.

He could feel Jensen relax slightly, watched his breathing become a little more even, and Jared pressed forward slowly. Heat wrapped around him, Jensen’s muscles clenching tight and making Jared’s balls ache with need.

“God, you’re tight,” he hissed. Nails digging into Jensen’s thigh, Jared breathed through the ripping desire to thrust forward hard. Sliding back slightly, he sank forward again, teasing his way deeper into that velvety heat.

The touch of Jared’s hand around him, stroking him slowly, was enough to get his eyes open once more and he turned to watch as Jared slowly moved into him. It felt like it took forever for the boy to finally be all the way in, and Jensen breathed through the dull ache, staring up at his boyfriend with wide eyes. He could see the look of concentration on Jared’s face; he couldn’t even imagine how hard it must be not to lose control in that moment.

So the instant the ache faded, Jensen dipped his head in a half nod, clenching around Jared and releasing.

“Move,” he gasped and rocked up against Jared, pressing his calves down on Jared’s shoulder to pull up. “Fuck me, Jared,” he moaned and forced his eyes to meet Jared’s once more.

“Ohgod.” Jared’s breath caught somewhere in his chest, his heart stuttering at the feel of Jensen sliding off his slick cock. Groaning, Jared curled his fingers around Jensen’s hips and leaned in. Starting slowly, he slid his cock back into the scorching heat of Jensen’s body, eyes locked with his boyfriend’s. Jensen’s cheeks were flushed pink, his lips swollen, the bottom one caught under his teeth, and Jared had never seem him look more gorgeous.

Words failed him, because Jensen’s muscles clenched around his cock again and Jared nearly came.

“Fuck,” he hissed. Snapping his hips back, he grunted and slammed them forward again. A moan ripped past his lips as his hips connected hard with Jensen’s ass. It was so many kinds of perfect and hot that Jared was sure he was going to just fall apart.

Jensen’s hands slapped out to the sides and he gripped the blankets, head rolling back against the pillow as he rocked back to meet each of Jared’s thrusts. Each breath felt hard to pull in, his body rippling with shudders as Jared’s body picked up speed. It didn’t feel hard enough or fast enough and Jensen was absolutely sure he would never get enough.

Moaning Jared’s name, Jensen’s eyes finally snapped closed just as Jared’s cock drove hard into his prostate once more and his entire body shuddered.

“Oh god, _fuck_ , Jared,” he moaned so low it shook his chest and he knew he wasn’t going to last, not if Jared continued to thrust right into that spot, pulling him apart from the inside out.

Jared could hardly even breathe; every nerve in his body, every sensation, every thought was about Jensen. Pumping his hips forward _hard_ , Jared could feel the sweat trickle down the back of his neck and he shivered with pleasure. He knew he was sending Jensen closer to the edge with each thrust and pounded forward ruthlessly. There was nothing in his mind beyond the pleasure and the heat and _Jensen_.

Somehow he managed to get his hand back around Jensen’s flushed cock; stroking in time with the snap of his hips, he could feel his orgasm twisting to life deep within him.

“Jen, want you to come with me...” Biting down hard on his bottom lip, Jared half whimpered then let out a low moan as Jensen’s body writhed beneath him.

Jensen couldn’t really say what it was that tipped him over in the edge in the end, the feel of Jared’s fingers around him, the deep moan from the taller boy, the way their eyes met in that very last moment. Then Jensen’s orgasm was flaring through him with blinding intensity and he clenched hard around Jared, moaning his name and grabbing the blanket once more as the feel of come splashed over his chest and burned into his skin.

Jared’s release hit as soon as he felt the clench of Jensen’s muscles. All the heat, all the sweet sounds that Jensen made twisted around Jared’s mind and his hips snapped forward one final time. When he came, he cried out, losing his breath as his entire body convulsed with pleasure. He’d never felt anything like it -- pleasure scorched through him and he shuddered as his cock pulsed and throbbed. Finally, spent and panting, he eased himself free and fell to Jensen’s side.

“Jen,” he gasped. Even as his body continued to twitch and shudder, he crawled up Jensen’s flushed body to press their lips together. His hand smoothed Jensen’s hair back off his forehead and he gazed down at his boyfriend, feeling emotion tangle with pleasure.

Smiling, dazed and completely lust-blown, Jensen turned into Jared’s hand and nuzzled softly before blinking his eyes open.

“So good,” he murmured and wet his dry lips, reaching out to gently touch Jared’s side. “Best I ever had.” He grinned at Jared and scooted a little closer, kissing Jared’s nose. He’d never felt his heart swell and warm like this and the laugh that escaped him was giddy with that emotion.

Smile broadening, Jared swept his thumb over his boyfriend’s cheek. “I think you might be sex-drunk. Is that possible?” Jared’s own eyelids felt pretty heavy, his body still buzzing with pleasure. Pressing a kiss to the corner of Jensen’s mouth, Jared slid down his boyfriend’s body slowly. “Don’t go anywhere.”

It took him a few tries to stand up, and when he did, he stumbled slightly as he headed for the bathroom. He heard Jensen’s muffled laughter when he bumped into the door and laughed himself.

“You try walkin’,” he muttered.

In a few short minutes, he was rid of the condom and had washed up then padded back to the bed with a towel. Sinking back down beside Jensen, he wiped the come off his boyfriend’s belly.

“You feelin’ okay?” His hand moved gently over Jensen’s body, eyes still moving up and down the curves and lines of Jensen’s lean frame.

“Yeah, a little sore,” Jensen murmured and smiled sleepily at Jared, reaching out to tuck hair behind his ear. “It was really good, though,” he whispered and scooted a little closer, sighing softly. “It was, right? You liked it?” Jensen couldn’t wait to curl up in Jared’s arms. His entire body was weak and limp in the best way and he felt like he could sleep for days. Lifting the covers and pulling them up over Jensen, Jared slipped in beside his boyfriend.

“It was fucking amazing.” Laughing softly, he held his arm out and just grinned when Jensen pressed up against him. “You wanted to cuddle,” he murmured into his boyfriend’s hair.

“’Course I did. Are you really surprised?” he chuckled and slipped his arm around Jared’s middle, pressing his lips to the boy’s chest. “Gotta keep you forever now, Jared. I don’t ever want to have anyone but you.” He squeezed a little harder, like it would keep Jared there.

Jared’s fingers threaded up into Jensen’s hair and he pulled the smaller boy as close as he could.

“I love you,” Jared whispered. Sleep was already tugging at him; he’d never felt so safe, so loved... _home_ , and his lips moved lazily over Jensen’s forehead.

“Love you too,” Jensen whispered back and slipped his leg between Jared’s and closed his eyes. He’d never been so excited about a night of sleep before and he sank against Jared, letting sleep tug at him.


	5. Chapter 5

It was Jensen’s light snoring that woke Jared up. The light snuffling sound put a smile so wide on Jared’s face that his cheeks ached; it occurred to him then how much he loved Jensen. Rolling over slowly, Jared rubbed at his eyes and sighed happily as he leaned on Jensen’s chest and stared up at him.

Jensen sniffed and murmured something and his hand moved up to settle in Jared’s hair. Even in his sleep. Jared pressed a kiss to the middle of Jensen’s chest. Running his hand down his slumbering lover’s side, Jared ran his thumb along the smooth skin of his boyfriend’s hip and he mouthed his way over to Jensen’s nipple. Sucking gently on the warm nub of flesh, Jared hummed softly.

Whatever Jensen was dreaming about was brilliant. He couldn’t quite grasp things, everything was blurry and bright, but he thought Jared was there and that was okay with him. He moaned softly and shifted up into the warmth and pleasure, slowly fading from the dream and blinking his eyes open. “’Mornin,” he murmured, voice deep and thick with sleep. “Whatcha doin’?”

Smiling again, Jared rested his cheek on his boyfriend’s chest. Curving his hand around to Jensen’s ass, he squeezed and laughed softly. “I’m sayin’ good morning to parts of you.”

Sliding an arm under his head, Jensen stared down at Jared with a soft smile, reaching out with his free hand to brush his thumb over the other boy’s cheek. “I think parts of me are saying good morning back.” He laughed with a quiet exhale and stretched his body slowly. “How’d you sleep?”

“Awesome. Walked into the wall when I got up to pee, though. Forgot where I was.” Laughing again, Jared slid half over Jensen’s body and leaned down to brush their lips together. “You still love me this morning?”

“Might love you more. Even if I’m sore.” Jensen smiled for a moment then pursed his lips closed. “Can’t kiss me. Mornin’ breath.” He couldn’t imagine what his hair must look like, and his body was still overly warm from sleep, but none of that seemed to matter at the moment.

Slipping his hand up into Jensen’s hair, Jared slanted his mouth over his boyfriend’s and kissed him deep and long. He could already feel pleasure stirring in his body and he moaned before pulling back. Smiling down at Jensen, Jared sighed happily. “You make me happy.”

“Good.” Jensen exhaled the word and laughed, wrapping his arms around Jared. “I would give anything to see this smile every single morning when I woke up.” Jensen tapped Jared’s lips before grabbing him once more. “What are you doing today?”

“I was hoping you wanted to spend the day with me. Gonna shower with you, wash you, take care of you.” Jared kissed his way across Jensen’s shoulder. “I can make pancakes; you got the fixins?” It was impossible not to touch Jensen, and Jared’s hands were sliding lower on his boyfriend’s body.

Breath quickening, Jensen slowly nodded, catching Jared’s wrist and guiding that big hand to his rapidly hardening cock.

“Just make sure you take care of me in the right order. You know, priorities and all.” Jensen arched up as Jared’s fingers curled around him, tilting to catch Jared’s lips in a slow kiss. Yeah, he certainly could get used to waking up with Jared ever morning.

Jared stroked his boyfriend’s cock slowly, thumb sweeping over the sensitive head.

“Kinda bossy now, aren’t ya?” Grinning, he ducked down and flicked his tongue over the velvet soft skin of Jensen’s shaft.

No matter how much Jensen would have loved to come back with some witty retort about being _bossy_ , the words wouldn’t form in his mouth. Not with Jared’s tongue sliding wet and burning over his skin.

“Holy... god, Jared. No one has...” He shook his head and closed his eyes, knowing Jared knew how this touch was completely new.

Pulling back slightly, Jared breathed over Jensen’s damp flesh. He knew how that felt, knew the way the cool would fight the heat and laughed softly when his boyfriend’s hips twisted slightly. His tongue flicked out again, the tip of swirling around the head of Jensen’s cock.

Humming quietly, he kissed the tip of Jensen’s swollen flesh then parted his lips slightly. They curled tight and wet around Jensen’s skin, sliding down slowly.

Jensen hadn’t ever imagined it feeling so blindingly hot, Jared’s mouth around him and pulling him steadily in. He was amazing at it too, didn’t seem to choke or hesitate, and Jensen’s body kept jerking against Jared’s mouth, trying for _deeper_ and _more_.

“Jesus, Jared,” Jensen gasped and arched up toward him, tangling his fingers in Jared’s hair and clenching tightly. He didn’t even bother trying to school back his moans now because he knew Jared wanted them.

Sucking hard, Jared drew Jensen’s shaft all the way in. He felt the tip bump against the back of his throat and moaned softly around the flesh in his mouth. Jensen’s manhood tasted salty and Jared breathed in the musky smell of his boyfriend’s body. Nose buried in rough curls, Jared swallowed and hummed, sucking and dragging his teeth lightly along the ridged column.

The heat of Jared’s mouth was far too much for Jensen to ignore, and each curve of his body upward, each time Jared slid down over him, had Jensen’s entire frame shuddering. So he wasn’t all that surprised when his orgasm began to peak, so close to the edge of falling apart. He gripped Jared’s hair impossibly tighter and pulled, eyes fluttering open. “Gonna come, god, Jared.”

Gripping Jensen’s hips, Jared sucked harder and let his tongue swirl around the swollen flesh. The first burst of come in his throat made him moan, the second he swirled around with his tongue, tasting every nuance. Jensen’s hips were rocking up as he shuddered through his orgasm and as he finally collapsed back on the bed, Jared pulled off slowly. Licking his lips, he crawled up Jensen’s body.

“’Morning,” he said softly.

“God, yeah,” Jensen laughed weakly and looked up at Jared, soft smile playing across his lips. “If I give you a blowjob too, think we can both go back to sleep for a while?” He licked his lips in anticipation, fingers sliding over Jared’s side.

“Yeah, I think we could manage that,” Jared grinned and licked his lips.

-=-=-=-

It was weird to walk through school the weekend after Jared stayed over. It wasn’t like the students around him could know how he spent one perfect night and day just a few days before, but _he_ could feel the difference. Jensen wasn’t sure it was supposed to feel like it did, like he’d shared some part of himself and given it to Jared, but it did, and he actually kind of liked it.

Especially since it brought a flush of heat to his cheeks as he spotted Jared in the hall halfway through the week. Usually, they didn’t see each other much at school, not because they were afraid of sharing their relationship but because their classes all clashed. Today, though, he was looking for Jared and he smiled brightly, weaving through the people and tugging the small gift bag from his backpack.

“Hi.” Jensen stopped beside his boyfriend’s locker, beaming up at him. “I got you this.” He held up the gift bag. He loved watching Jared’s face when he was curious, the way his brow furrowed slightly and the smile on his lips was just a little fond, soft at the edges.

Grabbing the bag, Jared leaned down and kissed Jensen’s cheek.

“I missed you,” he said quietly. When he realized they were still standing at his locker, he looked around nervously and flashed a lopsided grin at his boyfriend. “Forgot where we were,” he muttered.

Dipping his hand into the gift bag, Jared pulled out a small tissue-wrapped bundle. Tearing it apart quickly, he pulled out a brown leather bracelet, looped around twice and joined under a silver plate with a _J_ engraved on it. “Wow, Jensen...” Jared glanced up, fingers running along the soft leather. “I...what’s this for? It’s not my birthday.”

“You don’t just have to give gifts on birthdays,” Jensen laughed and bounced forward on his toes for a moment, pleased to see the look in Jared’s eyes. “I just wanted to get you something. You know, something that could be just _yours_. And the J is perfect, right? Because it could be for your name or mine, like a claim- I probably put too much thought into that.” Jensen grabbed the strap of his bag and shrugged, grinning up at Jared. “You like it?”

“It’s... yeah. It’s great. I-” Jared caught his bottom lip between his teeth and nodded. “Yeah, I love it. Can I hug you while we’re at school? Like a real hug?” They hadn’t exactly been hiding that they were together but there was no point in stirring things up either.

“Yeah, you can,” Jensen murmured and held his arms out, stepping forward to meet Jared’s motion. He bought the gift for Jared because he wanted to get him something that couldn’t be taken away, no matter what else happened in his life. Sometimes, Jensen had no idea if they’d last or not, or if one day Jared really would disappear, but at least he could remember this. And he knew this was real, no matter what. Jensen buried his face in Jared’s jacket and squeezed him tightly, not really caring who saw.

“Have I told you lately how freakin’ awesome you are?” Jared nuzzled into Jensen’s hair and pressed his lips to his boyfriend’s temple. Leaning back against his locker, Jared pulled his boyfriend with him. “Can’t we just skip school and go back to my place for a while?”

Considering his class load for the day, Jensen hummed softly then slowly nodded. “Yeah, okay. I mean, if you’re serious. It’s mostly just studying for exams anyway. I’m pretty ready for those.” Jensen fiddled with Jared’s collar and smiled up at him. “Sounds more fun.”

“Really?” Jared’s hand tightened on the back of Jensen’s jacket. “You’ll come home with me for the day?” His eyes widened slightly and he licked his lips.

“Yeah, sounds like a good time,” Jensen murmured and curled his fingers over Jared’s hip. “You really wanna take me to your home for the day? I promise to make it worth your while.”

“Don’t have to ask me twice.” Jared slammed his locked door shut and grabbed Jensen’s hand. “You got your car?” Suddenly his day felt like it was going a hell of a lot better. Ever since they’d been together over the weekend, Jared hadn’t been able to think of much else.

“Of course. Like I would actually walk to school,” Jensen scoffed and grinned when Jared looked back at him. “These boots cost a hundred dollars, Jared; they do not make fashionable boots that are actually comfortable to walk in.” Jensen thought one of the most endearing things about his boyfriend was his complete lack of fashion knowledge. He’d probably go insane if he dated someone that could actually critique his choice of clothing.

“Don’t care how much they cost, they’re hot on you.” Jared pulled his boyfriend forward so he would walk faster. “Couldn’t stop thinking about you, at night.” He could feel himself getting a little hot under the collar already and looked down at Jensen with a shy smile on his face.

Wetting his lips slowly, Jensen flushed and looked down at his feet as Jared led the way out to his car in the parking lot.

“Yeah?” he finally responded, pulled Jared toward him when they stopped in front of his Nissan. “I’ve been thinking about it too. But probably because I swear I could still feel you, you know?” Jensen grinned up at his boyfriend, sliding a hand up through his hair.

“You gonna drive fast?” Jared blinked slowly, pressing Jensen back against the car. Hips tilting forward slightly, Jared slanted his mouth over Jensen’s and kissed him. It was slow and tender, and when Jared lifted his hand to Jensen’s chest, he realized he was still holding the bracelet. “Put it on me,” he murmured against his boyfriend’s lips.

“That could be so kinky,” Jensen laughed, taking the bracelet and slipping it over Jared’s hand. “Looks good on you; knew it would.” He dipped forward to gently kiss Jared’s neck, sighing softly. “You’re gorgeous always, of course.”

“Let’s go,” Jared growled playfully. Pulling back, he grabbed Jensen’s shoulders and turned him to shove him toward the other side of the car. “Want you in my bed.”

“You shouldn’t say things like that if you want me to drive,” Jensen laughed and stumbled forward, unlocking his car and sliding quickly inside. He looked over at Jared as he climbed in and smiled. “Can I ask you something?”

“‘Course.” Snapping his seat belt in place, Jared turned to Jensen and reached out for his hand.

Squeezing Jared’s hand, Jensen guided them out of the parking lot, stalling as he considered how to phrase his question. It wasn’t that he was worried Jared would be mad, but it was kind of a little embarrassing, possibly, and Jensen might be setting himself up for a lecture. Being the inexperienced one and all. “Are you clean? You know, like... have you been… tested? I know you’ve only been with girls but... yeah.”

Turning his gaze away, Jared looked out the front window for a few moments. “Yeah. You asking me if I’m HIV positive? No, I’m not. ‘Bout six months ago, Jeff smashed a bottle when he was wasted and... well, I was cleaning it up and I cut my hand. Blood to blood, you know?’ Sighing, Jared leaned against the passenger door. “He didn’t know if he was... well, we both got tested.” Turning back to Jensen, Jared smiled sadly. “You know I’d never put you at risk or anything, right?”

“I wasn’t asking because I was worried,” Jensen said softly, glancing over at Jared before looking back at the road. “I was asking ‘cause... you know. I wanted to not use...” Jensen sighed and shrugged, tightening his fingers on the wheel. After a few moments, he glanced over at Jared once more. “Was Jeff okay?”

“He was fine. Wait.” Jared shifted toward Jensen again. “Wanted to not... use a condom?” Jared slipped his hand over Jensen’s on the wheel, fingers slipping through the other boy’s.

Staring out the window, Jensen fought back the most intense flush of heat as he turned into Jared’s neighborhood. “I just thought, if I was going to give myself to you, why not do it completely, you know? And I wanted to know what it felt like. And it just... kind of sounds hot. You know?”

Nodding, Jared pulled Jensen’s hand off the steering wheel and held it tightly. “Yeah, does sound hot. We should probably -- you know -- go to my house.” Leaning over, Jared brushed his lips across the flushed skin of his boyfriend’s cheek. “You’re sexy when you blush.”

“Jared, driving,” Jensen muttered and laughed softly, forcing his eyes to stay on the road. Jared was the most distracting person _ever_. “Besides, you’d probably say you think I’m sexy even if I’m, like, chowing down on McDonalds while wearing a bright yellow parka.”

“Maybe not a yellow parka, but it would be fun getting you _out_ of it.” Jared licked his lips and dropped his hand to Jensen’s thigh. Laughter rocked his body when Jensen’s foot pressed down a fraction harder on the accelerator. “Little turned on?” Jared finger’s inched closer to Jensen’s crotch.

Groaning softly, Jensen shook his head and slowed the car. “You are going to kill us, Jared.” He laughed hoarsely, never more relieved to turn onto Jared’s street. “Seriously, I will drive us into a mailbox.”

Jensen pulled up in front of Jared’s house, twisting the keys quickly and tugging them out before clambering onto Jared’s lap and kissing him hard.

Letting out a small groan, Jared dragged Jensen the rest of the way across the car and snatched up handfuls of the shorter boy’s shirt.

“I want you,” he whispered. Already, he could feel the heat burning through his body. _God_ , Jensen just had to look at him a certain way and he could feel it all the way through him.

“Probably shouldn’t here in the car, considering it’s the middle of the day,” Jensen laughed softly and rocked forward, his slacks too thin to really hide how turned on he was. “Inside?” he murmured and slid his hands through Jared’s hair, hips circling constantly against his boyfriend’s.

“God, yes...” Jared fumbled for the door handle and pushed it open. He held Jensen’s waist tightly as his boyfriend slid off his lap and stood; Jared followed quickly, skimming up Jensen’s body as he stood. “I’m kinda hooked on you,” he murmured, eyes locked with Jensen’s as he walked him backward toward the front door.

“You’re telling me,” Jensen laughed into the brush of their lips, already reaching down to pull Jared’s shirt. “I think I’ve dreamed about nothing but your body since that night.” Jensen gasped as he bumped into the side of the house, hooking his finger in Jared’s belt loop to drag him in close even as Jared tried to get his key in the lock. He mouthed along Jared’s neck, moaning softly at the taste of skin.

Jensen was about the most distracting thing in the universe! Jared was one hundred per cent sure of it. Even trying as hard as he was to focus on the lock, it took him about five tries to get his key in. Jensen’s mouth was soft and wet on Jared’s neck, the boy’s hips rocking against his and _Jesus Christ_ the way Jensen’s fingers dug into his back…. well… Five tries to open the door.

Shoving hard at the door, Jared tugged Jensen inside as it swung open. He snatched at Jensen’s jacket and pushed him back against the wall as he reached out blindly and slammed the door shut. Sinking forward, Jared caught Jensen’s mouth and thrust his tongue in quickly. Jensen’s lips were sweet, his mouth hot and he sucked Jared’s tongue hard.

Moaning into the kiss, Jensen’s hand slid up under Jared’s shirt, grazing over his skin as he lifted a leg to hook high on Jared’s thigh. His boot dug into Jared’s leg to keep him as close as possible, hips rolling up as the bigger boy held him hard up against the wall. He was fairly certain he would allow Jared to take him right here against the wall and that made heat burn through him.

Head falling back, Jensen sucked in a shallow breath and slid a hand between them, cupping Jared through his jeans and rolling slowly.

“God, I love feeling how you want me,” he murmured, dipping into the kiss once more.

Jensen’s breath was like one of those unbearable summer winds against Jared’s cheek. Moaning, he slid his hands down until they were cupping Jensen’s ass and he lifted him up. As soon as Jensen’s legs wrapped around his waist, Jared’s mind kind of melted. It was all the scent of Jensen’s faint cologne, the musky smell of sweat and sex and heat, the smooth fingertips against his chest.

Jared slammed Jensen’s back against the wall again, holding his weight easily and loving the feel of Jensen’s legs wrapped around him. “Could fuck you like this,” he growled. “You’d let me, wouldn’t you?”

“God,” Jensen gasped and clutched tighter to Jared, eyes fluttering shut as the heat of Jared’s crotch pressed against his ass. “Yeah, I would. It’s... Jesus, it’s so hot!” Jensen tightened his fingers into a fist in Jared’s hair, tugging back and dipping in so their lips could crash together. This was going to be such a better way to spend his day compared to school.

Pressing one thigh forward, Jared held Jensen up against the wall and dragged his hands around so he could shove at his boyfriend’s jacket. Mouthing his way down Jensen’s neck, he could feel the way the shorter boy was clinging to him, feel the heat of his arousal… hell, he could feel everything. “Should probably...” Jared waved lazily. “Bedroom,” he groaned.

“Mmhmm,” Jensen hummed softly and fell forward against Jared’s chest, causing the taller boy to hold him up completely as he shrugged out of his jacket. “We should find out how many times we can have sex in the length of a school day. You know, for research’s sake,” Jensen chuckled and slid his lips over Jared’s jaw.

Staggering backwards a few steps, Jared held onto Jensen tightly. When he bumped into the opposite wall, he slid along it for a while, mouth moving frantically over Jensen’s. Sucking and licking along Jensen’s swollen lips, Jared moaned and pushed off the wall, heading toward the bedroom.

He laughed when he bumped Jensen’s knee into the wall, clutched him tighter and then finally made it to his bedroom door.

“God,” he breathed softly. His entire body was trembling, and it wasn’t the effort of carrying his boyfriend, it was just _Jensen_. “Hands are shaking,” he muttered as he tried to unlock his bedroom door.

When the door swung open finally, Jared moaned with relief and shoved Jensen inside so he could kick the door shut and start tugging at Jensen’s clothes. “Jen... I need you.”

“I am most willingly yours,” Jensen whispered and bit his lip as Jared tugged his shirt off. He liked it when it got to this point, when Jared seemed to be driven by that deep-rooted need and nothing else. Jensen hoped it was always this way between them because he wanted to always feel this intensity. “How do you want me, Jared?” Jensen asked in a quiet murmur and tucked his fingers under Jared’s jeans, sliding along his skin until he could flick open his button.

“Want you... on top. I wanna see-” Jared’s voice caught and he groaned as he dropped Jensen’s shirt to the floor beside them. His hands moved over his boyfriend’s soft skin. Palms smoothing over Jensen’s chest, he curled them around his boyfriend’s neck and rubbed his thumbs over his flushed cheeks. “You make everything good,” Jared whispered.

“Yeah? Everything?” Jensen almost didn’t believe that but if Jared thought so, that was all that mattered. He slipped his hand inside his boyfriend’s jeans and once more the lack of underwear had him sucking in a slow breath. “Let me guess, laundry day _again_?” Jensen laughed and curled his fingers around Jared’s cock, stroking slowly. “So you want me to ride you? So you can watch how good you make me feel?”

“Yeah,” Jared said softly. “Yeah, you-- yeah.” Closing his eyes, Jared pressed one hand to the small of Jensen’s back and held him flush to his body. His hips rocked forward, pressing his swollen shaft into his boyfriend’s hand. “God, I love you; you’re my whole life.” Jared’s heart felt like it was swelling larger with each beat

“I know.” Jensen exhaled the words and pressed in closer, kissing Jared as deeply as he could. When he pulled back, Jared was staring at him with lust-blown eyes and Jensen grabbed his belt loop, tugging him back toward the bed. “I can’t even imagine a life without you.” He loved the way Jared’s breath hitched with the next inhale, the way their lips came together, every single little thing. “C’mon, let’s get comfy.”

Jared was pulled out of the moment by something crashing in the living room. Something cold and _alert_ slithered down his back. Standing there, he tightened his hold on Jensen, pressing his boyfriend to his chest and curling his fingers into Jensen’s hair.

“Fuck,” he whispered.

Another crash and Jared heard the thing he least wanted to hear: Jeff’s voice.

“Whose fuckin’ car is in the driveway?” Jeff’s voice was a little too sharp, even muffled by the door, and Jared cringed.

Then the door was flung open and Jeff was standing there, eyes dark and glistening, heavy-lidded. Jared stepped quickly in front of Jensen. “Jesus Christ, Jeff. Knock? I’m busy.”

“Busy?” Jeff’s fingers were scratching at his forearm, his eyes darting from Jared’s face to just over his shoulder. “Jensen.”

Jensen didn’t have to be told that something was wrong to put the pieces together. Jeff looked so much different from the time Jensen had last met him and the way Jared was trying to shield him, which made him nervous because he didn’t know how to handle this situation.

“Hey, Jeff,” he said quietly, curling his fingers over Jared’s hip and looking over his shoulder at the man.

Jeff’s eyes darted quickly back to his nephew’s face. “Jay, you get paid already this week? I know that guy pays you early sometimes.”

Slipping his hand over his boyfriend’s, Jared widened his stance slightly. He _hated_ these days, and having Jensen there to see it was about the worst possible thing that could have happened. Everything in Jared’s body went to _fight_ mode; the idea that something might happen to Jensen sent a shiver down his frame. “Jeff, not now, okay? Why don’t you go hang over at Brian’s for a while.”

Before then, Jensen hadn’t been quite sure what happened to Jared’s money. He’d always hoped it went right to Jared, paying for his food and things like that, but Jeff’s request made everything in him run cold. His arm wrapped slowly around Jared’s waist, trying to squeeze him to show his support, wanting to say something to Jeff but not wanting to upset Jared in the process.

“Jared, this is just as much my house. Don’t make assumptions. I wanna get a pizza or somethin’. You guys hungry?” Jeff was scratching at his forearm non-stop.

Jared’s eyes moved down and he saw blood creep out from under his uncle’s sleeve. “Jesus, Jeff,” he hissed. Turning, he pushed Jensen back down onto his bed. “Don’t get near him, okay?”

“What’s going on?” Jensen asked quietly, looking over at Jeff and down at where he was scratching. He didn’t know anything about the type of drugs Jeff did but obviously there was something there that had Jared being concerned for his safety. He grabbed Jared’s arm, keeping him from leaving. “Jared?”

“I’ll explain later; just trust me, okay? It’ll be fine. Just keep back a little.” Pressing a kiss to Jensen’s cheek that may have lingered entirely too long, Jared stepped back and took a deep breath. “Okay, Jeff. We gotta get you cleaned up, okay?” Jared walked over to Jeff with his hands held out like he was approaching a stray dog.

“I’m good, Jay. Just hungry.” Jeff took a few steps back and bumped into the wall.

“Hey, how about Jensen makes you a sandwich while I clean you up?” Jared walked slowly toward Jeff, stooping down to pick up his shirt. “Jen?” He spoke softly without turning to look at his boyfriend. “Just grab one of my shirts to wear and could you make Jeff a sandwich?” He hated getting Jensen involved at all but he wanted to take care of Jeff’s arm.

“Jensen’s a good kid. I like him,” Jeff muttered. “We got ham?”

Jared nodded. “You’ll eat what Jensen makes, right? You like him.”

Jared smiled weakly.

Watching Jared so careful with Jeff, Jensen was almost afraid to make any sudden movements. He grabbed a shirt near the edge of the bed that looked clean and pulled it on, comforted by the sudden swell of Jared’s smell. “I’ll make something really good,” Jensen assured softly and crossed the room, touching Jared’s arm as he slid around him. “Do you want anything?”

“I’m good; thanks, Jen.” Jared’s fingers brushed over Jensen’s as his boyfriend slipped past Jeff and out of the room. “Come on, Jeff. You gonna sit down and let me look at your arm? You’ve messed it up again, right?”

“A little; doesn’t hurt.” Jeff slid along the wall slightly and turned to follow Jensen out into the kitchen. “Don’t like mustard, Jensen. Shit burns my tongue.” He laughed too loudly and too sharply and the sound was like machinegun fire in the room.

Jensen flinched at the laughter, surprised by how _different_ it sounded. He could hardly believe that this was the same person he had met that weekend. He didn’t even look the same, all wild and crazy, and Jensen couldn’t help stepping quickly back, looking everywhere but at the blood on Jeff’s arm.

Moving around his uncle quickly, Jared kept himself between Jensen and Jeff and guided his uncle to the kitchen table.

“Sit yer ass down, Jeff. Want a soda?” Jared walked backwards a few steps and reached up to the top of the fridge to pull down a large first aid kit.

Jeff nodded and began hunting around in his shirt pockets for something.

“Whatcha lost?” Jared put the first aid kit on the table and returned to the fridge for a Coke. As he passed Jensen, he leaned in to kiss the back of his neck.

At the brush of lips, Jensen looked away from the pieces of bread he’d been smearing mayonnaise on and smiled softly at Jared. The look in Jared’s eyes was a little heartbreaking, quiet resignation, telling Jensen just how many times this had happened in the past.

“Smokes,” Jeff muttered.

“On the table in front of you,” Jared sighed and headed back over to the table.

Jensen was more than a little relieved that there was ham in the fridge, since Jeff seemed to have his heart set on it. But considering the way he’d missed his pack of smokes barely a foot from him, Jensen thought he might not remember his request for ham. He laid the meat on the bread and added some cheese, looking for lettuce and tomato and finding none. It was actually a little disturbing how little was in Jared’s fridge but he kept his mouth shut about it.

Turning with the sandwich, Jensen took a deep breath then crossed to the table, setting the plate on it. “Here you go, Jeff.”

“Thanks,” Jeff muttered. He reached out for the plate and slid it closer as Jared pulled some supplies out. Taking a huge bite of the sandwich, Jeff grinned over at Jensen. “Kid’s like family,” he mumbled, crumbs dropping onto the table in front of him.

“Yeah,” Jared said shakily, “Jensen’s family.” Sinking down heavily into a chair, he scooted around ‘til he was by Jeff’s left side. Opening the kit, he pulled out some latex gloves and pulled them on. Glancing up at Jensen, he gave a watery smile and looked away quickly. This wasn’t how their afternoon was supposed to be going.

“Jared’s kind of like family,” Jensen said as he watched Jared move. He knew he wasn’t going to be much help and Jared wanted him to stay back but he couldn’t help stepping forward and curling his fingers over Jared’s shoulder. “We always like having him over.”

“He’s good, Jared. Best of all of us, really.” Jeff dropped the sandwich back down to the plate and wiped his mouth.

“Shut up,” Jared said fondly. Rolling Jeff’s sleeve up, he examined the mess of blood. “How many, Jeff?”

“Two.” Jeff looked up at Jensen and then back down at Jared.

“You wanna tell him, Jeff?” Jared pulled out some alcohol wipes and started cleaning up the blood. “Jensen’s cool; he won’t say anything to anyone.”

Jeff looked back up at Jensen and rubbed his fingers over his beard nervously.

No matter how cool Jared might think Jensen was, he wasn’t very good with the sight of blood and he looked away, sliding his fingers over back Jared’s neck and massaging softly.

“Two what?” he finally asked when no one explained further.

“Needles,” Jeff said. Wincing, he kicked at Jared’s ankle when his nephew hit a tender spot in his arm. “I… I hate those freakin’ needle exchange places but I don’t want people usin’ needles again so I break ‘em off in my arm.”

Jared ran a gloved thumb very carefully over Jeff’s skin. He couldn’t feel a thing so the needles were obviously deep again. “Can’t get ‘em so they’re stayin’ in.” Pulling out some bandages, he dried up the area around the torn vein. “Every so often, one of the points works its way somewhere and we have to go get an x-ray and have it removed, right?”

Jeff nodded and picked up the sandwich again for another bite.

“Jesus,” Jensen whispered and pulled back, wrapping his arms over his chest. He couldn’t fathom the idea of actual needles in Jeff’s arm, and Jared just taking care of that. He wanted to hate Jeff, all of a sudden, for putting his boyfriend through this kind of life. “That sounds really painful.”

“Can’t feel much right after you shoot up, can you, Jeff?” Jared lifted the gauze to see if he’d managed to stop the bleeding.

“Nope. Jensen -- it’s okay. Don’t want any kids picking up the needles, you know.” Frowning, Jeff pushed his hair back with his forearm then took another bite of sandwich. “You do drugs, Jensen?”

“Fuck, Jeff...” Jared tugged his uncle’s arm forward harder than he had to and began to place bandages along the wounds. “You don’t have to answer him, Jen. He’s nosy. It’s none of his business.”

“I don’t do drugs. And I don’t have a problem saying no to that.” Jensen frowned and curled his fingers around the edge of his sleeves, Jared’s shirt hanging lower than he usually wore clothing. “How long have you been shooting up?” he asked and tipped his head toward Jeff, wishing he could pull Jared away and tell him to stop helping someone who clearly needed a different sort of help.

Jared stiffened slightly, rolling his uncle’s sleeve back down then sliding back a little. He kept his back to Jensen, staring at the emotion he could see Jeff was struggling with.

“Since the accident. Since Jared was a kid, right?” Jeff glanced up at Jared nervously.

“Right, Jeff.” Jared snapped the gloves off inside-out and balled them up before picking up the rest of the debris to head to the trash.

“You never call me Uncle anymore.” Jeff rubbed at his sleeve above the wound.

“Don’t scratch it, and I’m seventeen. No one says ‘uncle’ at seventeen.” Jared closed the trash can and put the first aid kit away, avoiding his boyfriend’s gaze. “Jeff was hurt real bad in the accident that- in the accident. His leg was kind of shattered. They pieced it back together and he took pain pills for a long time. More to it than that, though, right, _Uncle_ Jeff.”

Jeff’s eyes darted up to Jared’s. “Don’t you mess with me, son.”

“Not your son,” Jared muttered and turned away. Pulling a soda out of the fridge, he popped the top and leaned back against the counter.

“So how does taking pain pills shift to taking- whatever?” Jensen gestured toward Jeff, feeling weird even talking about this. His dad would completely freak out if he knew he’d not only skipped school but was currently having a conversation with his boyfriend’s drug-addicted uncle.

“Cocaine,” Jared blurted out.

“Jared!” Jeff pushed back his chair and managed to catch his Coke before he spilled it.

“S’true. Tell him. He asked you a question.” Jared put his can of soda down because his hand was shaking so badly he thought he was going to spill it.

Jeff rubbed at his face and stood up. “Enough with the passive-aggressive bullshit, Jared. You got something you wanna say?”

Jared reached out quickly and pulled Jensen back, slipping in front of him again. “He asked you a question. You tell him the truth. How did pain meds get to this?”

Something flared in Jeff’s eyes and he looked for a moment like he was going to step closer; his hands were clenched at his sides. “I was already using before the accident,” he confessed quietly. His eyes met Jensen’s over his nephew’s shoulder. “I was wasted the day I picked up my brother and... it was probably my fault.”

Jared’s shoulders sagged.

“Jesus Christ,” Jensen gasped, and he was fairly certain that had been his default reaction to all of this. It was like a constant swell of shock that he couldn’t escape. Sliding to the side, Jensen grabbed Jared’s arm, staring wide-eyed up at him. “Then why are you so protective? He… if... Jared, if that’s true, and you’ve been living with this for ten years, can’t you tell you deserve a lot more? You shouldn’t have to fix him up. That’s not fair.”

“Jeff’s the only family I’ve got.” Jared pulled his arm free slowly. Everything Jensen said made sense but sometimes, you just didn’t give up on people. “He needs me.”

“I’m still _here_ ,” Jeff stated dryly.

“You need me,” Jared said again. “It’s my salary that gets most of our food and pays our rent. Jeff gets jobs when he can but he can’t get assistance because people would come here... someone would see what’s going on.”

“Jared. You know I’m sorry -- I’m more sorry than you could ever understand.” Jeff rubbed at his eyes and sank back down into his chair. “And I try. Jensen- it’s not easy. It’s like holding your breath. I make it for weeks, sometimes months, and then I just can’t _not_ use.”

“It’s okay, Jeff.” Jared knew how much his uncle beat himself up sometimes.

“I think I should go.” Jensen stepped back and frowned, staring at Jeff for a moment before looking down at his feet. He didn’t get it, didn’t understand how Jared could support Jeff, not even with the good moments. He knew that helping an addict was actually worse for them but he hadn’t really got it until just then. “I’m just gonna go get my shirt.” Jensen headed down the hall, fidgeting with Jared’s shirt to stop his body from trembling.

Jared followed quickly after, making Jeff promise he would stay in the kitchen. “Jen?” He peered into his bedroom to find Jensen already changing. “You can wear my shirt home if you want. Or I could come with you -- maybe I could come and get it later?” Jared’s heart fell when he saw the look on Jensen’s face.

“My dad would know I skipped school if I wore your shirt home,” Jensen pointed out and dropped the too-big shirt on the bed, bending down to get his own. “I’d never wear that shade of yellow; clashes with my skin.” He muttered the words, looking down at his feet to keep Jared from seeing the tears in his eyes. “Will you be alright if I leave you with- if I go?”

“Yeah,” Jared said softly. “Can I come over later? Just to see you?” He was starting to feel a little desperate, like this might be the thing that pushed Jensen away.

Jensen slowly nodded, straightening the edges of his shirt and wetting his lips. “I don’t get it, Jared. He doesn’t deserve it, family or not. You’re seventeen years old and you know how to clean up a druggie’s... whatever. I know you say he’s family but-” Jensen looked up at Jared, sighing and shaking his head. “Forget it. I’ll just see you later.”

Blinking slowly, Jared finally saw why Jensen had been looking away. The tears in his boyfriend’s eyes made Jared’s chest feel tight, like a steel band was wrapped around him. “Wait, I should probably stay here tonight. I got a- there’s a test tomorrow. You... Jensen, you won’t tell your dad, right?” Stuffing his hands into his pockets, Jared walked backward slowly, not even aware he was doing it until he bumped into the wall.

Something sharp stung through Jensen and he looked quickly away before Jared could see the hurt in his eyes.

“I won’t tell,” he promised quietly and headed for the door of the room. “Guess I’ll see you tomorrow then,” he whispered, stopping beside Jared and frowning when he stepped along the wall.

Moving quickly, Jared curled his fingers around the back of Jensen’s neck and pulled him into his arms. His lips moved over Jensen’s urgently, and Jared felt the tremble start in him again.

“You still-” his voice broke slightly, “you still wanna be with me? See me?” Closing his eyes, he pressed his forehead to Jensen’s.

“God, Jared, how could you even ask that?” Jensen rasped and tightened his arms around Jared, hugging him tightly. “I’m not just gonna stop loving you because your uncle has problems. I don’t get all of it, I’m worried and scared for you, but I’m sure as hell not gonna let you go.” Jensen pulled back and looked up at him, laying fingers on his cheek. “I love you, remember?”

Nodding slowly, Jared kept his gaze down. “I thought he was gone… at work today. Things had been good for a while. You know it’s complicated, right? It’s more than just... I mean, he looks like my dad and he sounds like him. You know when he calls me ‘son’.” Jared’s voice wavered and he cleared his throat.

“I know, you’ve told me,” Jensen murmured and gently rubbed along Jared’s neck, kissing him softly once more. “Well, I’ll do what you want me to do. And if that’s keeping quiet and supporting you, then that’s what it’ll be.” Jensen sighed and slid his hand up through Jared’s hair. “You want me to stay now?”

“You would?” Jared’s hands were shaking so badly he just held onto Jensen’s shirt. He knew that Jensen didn’t think that Jared’s way of dealing with things was right. But sometimes Jared just felt like he was stuck on some kind of fucked-up merry-go-round and every time he thought it was gonna stop, it sped up instead.

“If that’s what would help, then yeah,” Jensen nodded and smiled softly up at Jared. He didn’t really want to see Jeff like this, didn’t know how to deal with him, but this was bigger than Jeff. And Jensen thought maybe Jared really needed someone in his life that wasn’t completely selfish.

“Please,” Jared whispered. “He won’t stay up long; he’ll just nod off on the couch. We can stay in here if I leave my door open.” Trying to pry his fingers off Jensen’s shirt, Jared rubbed his boyfriend’s arms. “I mean, unless you want to go out and talk to him.”

“What’s best? Do you usually talk to him when he’s like this? How do you handle it?” Jensen glanced over his shoulder, only able to see Jeff’s shoulder at the end of the hall. “Whichever.”

“Sometimes I talk to him, I could... I could use a friend.” Jared held on to Jensen a little too tightly. “Maybe we could talk a little, and I could explain. I feel like I should explain.” Jared’s heart was racing; he’d known that something like this would happen sooner or later but he hadn’t counted on Jensen being quite as outspoken as he was.

“Okay. Well, whatever you want. If you want to explain things or if you want to talk to Jeff for a while until he falls asleep...” Jensen shrugged and smoothed his hands down Jared’s cheek. “Has he ever hurt you?” he asked quietly, because he couldn’t get the image of Jared protecting him out his mind.

Glancing up quickly, Jared peered around to see that Jeff was lying on the couch watching TV, rubbing at the bandage on his arm. When he turned back to Jensen, he pulled his boyfriend further into his room and sat down on the bed. “Not deliberately,” he said softly. “Jeff would never hurt me deliberately. He doesn’t always know what he’s doing.”

“Jared.” Jensen’s blood ran cold and he pulled free from Jared’s grasp, looking up at him. “Has he hurt you? Has he hit you? I don’t care if it’s deliberate.” The look on Jared’s face was answer enough and Jensen’s nostrils flared; he stepped back and shook his head, his fingers curling into fists. He was going to _hurt_ Jeff because, deliberate or not, no one hurt Jared.

“Jensen, sit down.” Jared sounded harsher than he meant to but things had gone south so quickly he was starting to think everything was going to spin out of control. “You gotta let me explain, okay?”

Eyes locking on Jared, Jensen took a step back, his fingers tightening harder in fists. “Don’t talk to me like-- Jared, I have all rights to be concerned. What do you expect? I love you. You really think I’m just gonna be okay lying about all of this? I ignore the drug thing, I ignore how sometimes you look like you haven’t eaten for days, but you expect me to ignore the fact that he hits you? What if something happens, Jared? What if one night it gets really bad and you get hurt?”

“Could you keep your voice down please?” Jared’s voice felt like it was too small and he lowered his gaze and dragged a hand down his face. “I didn’t ask you to lie. You don’t understand.” It was a pathetic justification but it was all Jared had.

“You did ask me to lie, Jared. By asking me not to tell, that’s lying.” Jensen was going to stand his ground on this issue because he couldn’t stand the idea of Jared being hurt. He wanted to drag Jared out of there, he wanted to storm out and kick Jeff’s ass, but he thought Jared might never speak to him again. And, well, he wasn’t strong enough to win. “You keep saying I don’t understand but what more is there to it, Jared? What’s the big missing puzzle piece that makes it okay to let him hurt you? To be stuck in this life?”

“Because it’s what I’ve got,” Jared hissed. “You got some big plan about where I’m supposed to go? I need to graduate from high school and have my degree. I’m not even smart enough to get a damn scholarship, Jensen. You think I can live off my grocery store pay? I can’t. I leave Jeff and I’m even more screwed than I am now. I have _nothing_. That man out there -- he tortures himself over what happened.” Lowering his voice slightly, eyes darting toward the bedroom door, Jared rubbed hard at his palm. “He _killed_ his own brother, Jensen. What does that do to someone?”

“And what happens after you finish school, Jared?” Jensen inhaled deeply, forcing his gaze to stay on Jared. “What’s your grand plan then? When will you leave him? Because right now, you are holding him up with all of these excuses and you know where it’s going to get you? Here. Or wherever he drags you to next. Or maybe right out there with him because it’s going to kill you.”

“Jensen, stop,” Jared begged in an almost whisper. “This… this isn’t talking. This is you lecturing me.” His knuckles were white where his fingers were threaded together and Jared could barely hear above the blood hissing in his ears. “I need to graduate from school-- and-- I can-- maybe I can get a better job or something. It’s not like I’ve got a lot of time to think about it all.”

No part of Jensen felt old enough to have this conversation and all the worry and concern seeped out of him, leaving him just scared for Jared. What would he do if something happened to Jared? How could he protect him when he wouldn’t even remove himself from the danger?

“Alright,” he conceded quietly, finally uncurling his fingers and looking away.

“Come and sit?” Jared pulled his hands apart and brushed his hair back so he could look up at his boyfriend. “I kinda need you to be on my side.” His bottom lip trembled and Jared bit down hard on it. It was a huge mess, everything was going wrong, and Jensen was right -- Jared had no plans at all for what to do next.

Exhaling slowly, Jensen crossed the room and sat beside him. Reaching out, Jensen took his hand and slid his fingers through the bigger boy’s, squeezing softly.

“I am on your side. I always have been. Just worried, is all.” He laid his hand on Jared’s thigh, fingers curling over the taller boy’s jeans.

“I don’t have a plan. I don’t know what I’m doing.” Jared slid his hand over Jensen’s. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, the only good thing, and- I don’t know how to make sure I don’t lose you.”

“You won’t lose me,” Jensen assured and looked down, rubbing along his temple slowly. “You’re just gonna have to believe that, because I don’t know how else to prove it. Jared, I won’t lie to you: I want to go out there and kick your uncle’s ass because of the things he’s doing to you.” Sighing, he shrugged and looked up at his boyfriend, lips pursing in a frown. “But I won’t, because I know it would hurt you.”

“And when he picks up and leaves again? We gonna stay in touch by email? I don’t even have a computer.” Jared’s fingers tightened on his boyfriend’s hand. “This is all messed up. It’s all messed up and I don’t know-”

“Jared.” Jeff’s voice was quieter than it had been. He leaned against the doorframe, arms folded across his chest. “Boys, I’m sorry. Jensen -- I heard what you were sayin’ and there’s no excuses; you’re right. Jared is- Jared’s my whole life. The times I manage to stay clean, it’s ‘cause of that boy right there.”

“Jeff, don’t. It’s okay.” Jared shifted back a little on the bed.

“Stop, Jared.” Jensen looked sharply over at his boyfriend and shook his head. “Let him apologize. He should. You’re not helping him by being- just…” Jensen inhaled sharply and clenched his jaw, lifting his hands in defeat. “None of my business; staying out of it.”

“Jensen, what do you think should be happening here?” Jeff tilted his head, eyebrows rising.

Jared’s eyes snapped up to his uncle. “Jeff, no. Don’t do this now-”

“Shut up, Jared. I wanna know what your boyfriend thinks our world should be like.” Staring at Jensen, Jeff nodded for Jensen to speak. “Tell me the truth.”

Swallowing thickly, Jensen looked over at Jared before slowly standing and facing Jeff. “I think my mom died when I was little and my dad made a lot of bad choices back then but he still gave me a great life. He doesn’t make me work to support his drug habit and he doesn’t _ever_ lay a hand on me, deliberately or not. You want to know what I think your world should be? I think Jared shouldn’t be afraid that you’re going to uproot him from his home at any moment. I think he should have new clothes, food in the fridge, and he shouldn’t have to fix up your bleeding arm when you come home from a drug binge. He loves you, he protects you when you don’t deserve it, and what do you do in return? You take the money he makes at work for drugs, Jeff. Seriously. Is that how you’re repaying the memory of your brother?”

“Jensen!” Jared pushed up off the bed and stumbled forward.

“Fuck, you don’t hold back do ya, kid?” Jeff stepped forward, arms dropping to his sides.

“Jeff, g’on back out there. Jensen was just leaving. This is- this is nuts, it’s completely god damned crazy.” Jared felt like he was going to throw up or pass out and he just focused all his attention on getting Jensen out of there.

“Fine. I’m going.” Jensen knocked Jared’s hand away and swerved around Jeff, heading for the door. “You’re right, it’s completely god damned crazy.” Tears burned along Jensen’s eyes and he didn’t know if it was more because of the rant he’d just blown through or if it was Jared’s so obvious upset as he’d finished. He’d never get why Jared couldn’t see the things glaringly obvious to him. Out in the living room, he grabbed his coat and tugged it on, unable to believe not that long ago Jared had him up against the wall and things were _amazing_.

Jared stood there staring at Jeff, both of them stunned into silence. Snapping out of it, Jared shoved Jeff aside and ran out after Jensen. The front door was open and Jensen was halfway to his car when Jared caught up with his boyfriend. “Don’t go,” he said quickly. Hand circling Jensen’s wrist, he pulled on him. “Stay with me.”

“I won’t change my opinion. And apparently I’m in a very brave mood.” Jensen looked up at Jared, blinking through the tears. “We’re just going to go around and around with this. I don’t know what you want from me, Jared, but apparently I’m not doing so good at giving it right now.” Jensen sighed, automatically leaning into Jared’s body like he couldn’t help it.

Nodding, Jared buried his nose in Jensen’s hair for a few moments and inhaled slowly. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.” His hand slipped into Jensen’s hair, and Jared closed his eyes. “It’s okay, I can handle things here.”

The position Jensen found himself in was one he honestly never anticipated. His love for Jared was too strong to ignore and his hatred for Jeff at the moment was burning. “I’ll stay,” he finally murmured and squeezed Jared tightly. “Come on. We’ll just go in your room, and I promise you can talk and I won’t lecture you anymore.”

Jared shook his head. “Go home, Jensen. I gotta- there are things I gotta do. Jeff’s- he’s gonna be upset. Will you wait for me outside school tomorrow?” Jared untangled himself from his boyfriend because he had to get away from him. Every part of him wanted to just hold onto Jensen forever.

Sighing softly, Jensen stepped back and shrugged. “Yeah.” He clutched the keys in his hand a little tighter and shook his head, turning to head to his car. “See you tomorrow.”

He was emotionally exhausted and he couldn’t imagine what Jared must feel like if he had to go through this all the time. But then, he didn’t normally have someone there stirring everything up.

Tugging his door open, Jensen looked up at Jared for a moment before frowning and climbing into his car, disappointed that things had ended this way and now he didn’t even have the hope of Jared coming over later to smooth things over.

“I love you,” Jared whispered. He knew Jensen hadn’t heard him but it didn’t matter. Watching until he couldn’t see Jensen’s car anymore, he headed back inside, closing the door quietly behind him.


	6. Chapter 6

In the end, it was probably the big bucket of KFC that gave away Jensen’s bad mood. He hadn’t bothered going back to school, instead spending his day walking through the mall. He tried shopping but it didn’t really appeal to him. Every outfit he found made him think of Jared, either thinking it would look good on him or if Jared would like how the outfit looked on Jensen. It was a complex part of shopping Jensen hadn’t dealt with before.

So when he finally went home, sometime after six, he didn’t feel like cooking and swung by KFC instead. And the look on his father’s face was priceless, really, something close to a deep shock.

“You didn’t get in an accident, did you?” Alan asked slowly, picking a biscuit from the box and eyeing it.

Frowning, Jensen looked up and shook his head before grabbing two plates from the cabinet and carrying them over. “Why would ask that?”

“Jensen. Fried chicken. _And_ mashed potatoes _with_ gravy.” Alan took one of the offered plates and laughed nervously. “Are you failing? Did you punch someone? Am I about to get a very angry phone call from a parent?”

“Honestly, Dad, do you really think I could punch someone?” Jensen arched an eyebrow at his dad and sighed, pulling out some silverware and setting it on the counter. “Besides, I have someone to fight those battles for me.”

Alan dropped a piece of chicken on his plate and stared at Jensen. “That’s it, isn’t it? It’s Jared. Something happened. What did he do?”

“Why do you think he’s done something?” Jensen frowned and reached out for a piece of chicken, picking at the layer of fried flesh before dropping it back in the bucket. “Jared is just fine. Or, well, as a couple, I mean, we’re good.”

No matter how crappy Jensen felt, he couldn’t bring himself to eat this chicken. It was disgusting, no matter how much he picked off the skin.

“Jensen, I don’t believe that you just got me KFC because you felt like it.”

“It was more because I didn’t feel like cooking,” Jensen pointed out and headed to the fridge, pulling out some lettuce. When he’d gathered all the supplies for a salad and carried it to the counter, his father was still looking at him and Jensen suddenly felt a little backed into a corner. He hadn’t thought his dad would be this observant, and not telling about Jeff’s drug issues was alright when his dad wasn’t asking but this was dancing along some lines he’d rather not cross.

Sighing, Jensen grabbed a knife from the block and began slicing tomato. “Jared’s home life is rough. You know how I told you his parents died? And it’s just his uncle with him? They have it... there’s just a lot of rough stuff, you know? Money stuff and… Jared doesn’t always see eye to eye with his uncle. I just saw a different side of it today, and it’s... I don’t really know how to deal with it.”

Alan paused in the middle of fixing up his plate, slowly setting it down on the counter. “Is Jared in danger?”

It was actually a little heartwarming to think his dad cared enough about Jared to get that look on his face, like he would just take off and swoop into Jared’s home to save the day. Jensen set down his knife and looked over at his dad, small smile on his face. “Dad, I don’t know. His uncle loves him, I’m sure; they’re just going through... it’s complicated. I just… really love him, and I’m scared for him. I can’t really explain a lot.”

“That’s not exactly reassuring, Jensen,” Alan sighed, resuming fixing up his plate. “Come and sit and eat; we’ll talk.”

Jensen didn’t hear his dad talk like that often, that _Dad_ voice that made it clear there wasn’t an option in the matter. Not like Jensen didn’t always eat dinner with his dad, but this was going to be different. Especially since Alan sat at the table and kept the TV off, which rarely ever happened.

So he took his time making his salad and covering up the KFC containers before slowly taking the seat across from his father. Half the man’s food was already gone and Jensen slid a napkin over to him. “Please don’t make me tell you. I know you don’t want to hear that but just… trust me that I’ll tell you if it gets really bad. I just promised Jared I wouldn’t tell you and I don’t want to betray that trust.”

“If Jared’s life is in danger, Jensen, then I might be able to help in ways you can’t.” Alan sighed and held up a hand when Jensen inhaled to talk. “Now listen to me, son, I know you care for Jared very much and you don’t want to ruin the thing you two have but there are some situations where you have to take the risk.”

Jensen slowly speared pieces of lettuce and sighed. He knew his dad was worried about abuse, and it wasn’t like Jensen was really doing a good job of reassuring that it wasn’t that. So he shook his head and forced the truth further down. “Jeff isn’t hitting him. It’s not like that. They just fight; they’re not like you and I are.”

“Well you know there’s ways for Jeff to hit him that you wouldn’t necessarily see,” Alan pointed out, wiping his hands slowly on the napkin.

Jensen snorted, choking on a piece of lettuce for a moment and coughing loudly. When he finally managed to breathe again, Alan was giving him an understandably weird look. “ _Trust me_ , Dad, there are no bruises.”

“But you can’t- oh.” Alan’s face visibly paled and he cleared his throat, too loudly, and opened and closed his mouth a few times. “Are you... does that mean you two are...”

“Oh god, Dad, please don’t do this,” Jensen groaned and set his fork in the bowl, shaking his head roughly. “Just take my word for it and let’s leave it at that.”

Alan cleared his throat once more and stood, carrying his plate to the kitchen and dumping the trash in the bin. “Jensen, you tell me honestly. Are you two having sex?”

Jensen’s appetite vanished with that one word alone and he groaned louder, shoving his chair back and standing. “I am not answering that question.”

“Hey, now, I just want to make sure, you know, that... you know. You’re being safe and- just- are you sure about this? How far have-”

“God, Dad, shut up.” Jensen’s face was overheated to the point it was nearly painful and he dropped his salad on the counter, covering his face with both hands. “Look, we’ve been perfectly safe, it’s all good. I’m sure about Jared and that’s that. Okay? So can I go do my homework now?”

Alan looked like he wanted to say something more, he even inhaled to form the words, but thankfully he held them back and nodded. “Yeah, alright. I’ll put dinner away. But hey, Jensen, you know you can talk to me about anything, right? I mean, obviously the uh- sex talk is not- look, just about Jared okay? Anything you want.”

Hesitating at the door, Jensen turned back to his dad and smiled softly, wishing he really could just spill it all without putting Jared’s trust in him at risk. “Yeah, Dad, I know. Thank you.”

“Your- chocolate cake! You got the cake!” Alan laughed and shook his head. “Man, spoiled tonight.”

“Yeah, well, enjoy it; tomorrow I’m serving tofu raw.” Jensen snorted and headed out of the room. He didn’t really have homework; he could do some studying, but at the moment, he was too caught up on thoughts of Jared to focus. It was going to be a painfully long night.

-=-=-=-

 _Tap. Tap. Tap._

Jensen frowned in his half-dazed sleep-state and rolled over, tugging the blanket up around himself and holding on tighter. If he could just ignore whatever it was making that weird little noise, he could fall back into some really good dream involving Jared and his tongue. But then the tapping was sounding again and Jensen’s eyes fluttered open against his control.

Frown deepening, Jensen sat up and looked around, rubbing at his sleep-ruffled hair. It was quiet for a moment until the next round of tapping, and Jensen slowly looked up.

“Jared?” he whispered, more than a little surprised to see his boyfriend peeking in the small half window at the top of his wall. Climbing out of bed, Jensen slid arms over his bare chest and looked up at his boyfriend. “What are-” He sighed, shaking his head, then pointed in the direction of the front door before heading for the stairs. Talking through a window he couldn’t even reach would have been ridiculous.

Taking the stairs two at a time, Jensen peered out into the dark hall to make sure his dad’s door was closed before hurrying down the hall. He unlocked it quickly and peered out, pulling it open to let Jared in.

The first thing he noticed was Jared’s black eye and his eyes widened. “Jesus, what the hell happened?”

“Accident. Can I-” Jared peered over Jensen’s shoulder, shivering. It had taken far longer than he expected to walk to Jensen’s place. Stepping automatically closer to his boyfriend, he noticed Jensen was only wearing briefs and his eyes widened slightly. “Your dad...”

Jensen was still stuck on _black eye_ and he had a hard time believing it was any sort of accident. Sighing, Jensen closed the door behind Jared and turned, leading him back down the hall and down the steps to his room. He waited until Jared was in the room before closing the door and crossing the floor to grab a shirt. “Did you walk here?”

Nodding, Jared tried to stop his teeth from chattering. “C-can I stay here? You said if I needed to come to you.”

Shivering, he rubbed at his arms and sank down onto the edge of Jensen’s bed. His head was aching, his eyes sore and he was exhausted.

Pausing with the shirt in his hands, Jensen frowned and slowly nodded, setting the shirt back down. “Of course you can. What happened?” He crossed to his boyfriend and sat beside him, rubbing slowly along his arm. “God, you’re freezing! Take off your shoes, get comfortable.”

Toeing his boots off, Jared pulled his hands up under the cuffs of his shirt. “It was all okay, but Jeff passed out and I couldn’t wake him up. I got kind of freaked out and tried to get him up, you know, like you see in movies and stuff -- get people to walk around. He kinda half woke up and sorta swung at me and only barely hit me but we ended up falling over.” Jared rubbed at the back of his head and blinked slowly. “Hit the back of my head too; coffee table, I think. You got anything I can take?”

Jared felt numb. His afternoon had started out on such a high note and everything had fallen apart around him so quickly. All evening, he hadn’t been able to think about much other than Jensen and the way he’d left the house. It was all wrong.

“Yeah, hold on.” Jensen climbed off the bed and hurried over to the nightstand, grabbing a bottle of Tylenol and bringing it over. Jared was still shivering and Jensen grabbed the cup of water he always brought down and sat beside his boyfriend once more. “Here. So Jeff wouldn’t wake up, then the tumbling, and then what? He passed out?”

Jared could feel tears tightening his throat and burning at the backs of his eyes. Fumbling with the bottle for a few moments, Jared shook out some pills and swallowed them quickly. “He passed out again and I covered him up. Watched him for a long time and he was breathing fine and stuff. He just scared the _shit_ outta me and I wanted to be here. I’m sorry.”

The heat of tears on his face surprised him and Jared lifted his fingers to wipe through them almost as though he couldn’t believe they were there. Jaw twitching, he finally looked up at Jensen and pressed his lips together as he held out his hand.

“Will-- will your dad be mad if I stay here? I can go if you’re gonna get in trouble.”

“No. Jared, don’t go. Stay here. He won’t be mad.” Jensen smiled softly and rubbed his hand slowly over Jared’s chest, slipping under his jacket. “Take this off, let me warm you up. We can get under the blankets.” He lifted his hand to lie on Jared’s cheek, turning his head toward him. “Do you want some ice? It looks awful.”

Shrugging out of his jacket, Jared shook his head slowly.

“It’s okay.” Tugging his shirt off quickly, he stood up and fumbled with the button on his jeans so he could slide them off. Jensen’s bed was warm and soft when he climbed under the blankets and he wiped at his face quickly as Jensen climbed back in beside him.

“It’s okay to be upset, Jared,” Jensen said quietly as he tucked against Jared’s body, resting his head on the taller boy’s shoulder. “You know, if you want to break down and cry, or be mad, or whatever it is you feel but don’t think you’re allowed to feel, you can tell me. I won’t be upset.” Jensen pushed up so he could look down at Jared, ignoring the cool of the boy’s body and half sliding over him.

Sucking in a quick breath, Jared felt tears rolling back into his hair. No one had ever really taken care of him, not in his entire life, and he wasn’t sure why he was so lucky to finally have Jensen.

“Just tired,” he said softly. It was the truth. He was exhausted by his life. Tired of picking up pieces and trying to make things better, make the most of what he had, and tired of living with the knowledge that at any moment Jeff might come home and tell him it was time to leave.

Pushing the back of his hand across his eyes, Jared blew out a breath and groaned quietly. “I’ve never had someone to go to before.”

His fingers moved along Jensen’s arm; his boyfriend was so warm.

“Well, you’ll always have me,” Jensen murmured and he wiped along Jared’s face, clearing away the lingering tears running down his face. “I was thinking, even if for some reason Jeff takes you away, we’ll figure out a way to talk, okay? I promise. And I’m sorry, about almost yelling at Jeff; I was really mean. I just want you to be okay,” he whispered and gently pressed his lips to Jared’s.

For the first time all night, Jared felt like he might be okay. Folding his arms around Jensen’s neck, he pulled his boyfriend down onto his chest and let out a small half-sob.

“Love you,” he managed to get out. Burying his face in the crook of Jensen’s neck, he just let his boyfriend’s warmth, his words, soak in.

“I love you too,” Jensen whispered, wrapping his arms tightly around Jared. He didn’t understand the sudden sobs except that it was probably everything finally catching up to him. Jensen gently stroked his hair and kissed wherever his lips could reach, squeezing Jared tightly. “It’s okay, Jared, you’re here now, and I’m not letting you go.”

The weight of Jensen’s body was comforting and Jared slid his hands down his boyfriend’s frame. The curves of Jensen’s back were already familiar, the small scar at the top of his hip that Jared hadn’t remembered to ask about, the smooth heat of his skin.

Turning into the soft presses of Jensen’s lips, Jared kissed him back, lips parting to brush back and forth gently over his boyfriend’s. Another deep breath filled his lungs and he hooked his leg over Jensen’s, holding him as close as possible, hanging on like his life depended on it and realizing for the first time that maybe it did.

For a long while, Jensen simply laid there, occasionally kissing Jared, holding him as tightly as he possibly could. When it seemed like Jared had calmed some, that maybe things were going to be okay, Jensen hummed softly. “So, want to know what unbelievably awkward conversation my dad and I had today?”

Lifting a hand to rub at his eyes, Jared managed a slight smile.

“What? I hope it didn’t have anything to do with me.” Squeezing Jensen’s shoulder, he rolled them onto their sides, nestling down into the pillow and staring into his boyfriend’s eyes.

“Ugh.” Jensen laughed softly and leaned forward, rubbing his nose against Jared’s. “Let’s just say my dad now knows that we have a sex life. And trust me; I tried to give as few details as I could manage.” Jensen smiled as innocently as possible, sliding a hand up through his boyfriend’s hair. “He was surprisingly calm about it.”

“Really?” Jared’s eyes were a little wide -- his heart suddenly beating a little faster. “And he’s not gonna kill us?” There was a bemused smile on Jared’s face -- it wasn’t that Jeff didn’t know about them, of course; he had assumed they were sleeping together because usually that was all Jared’s relationships were. “Jeff was surprised when I called you my boyfriend; they should get together and compare notes.”

“Uh, no. I wouldn’t suggest that,” Jensen laughed weakly and shook his head. “I think it’s easier because I’m a guy. You know, dads expect their sons to have sex. I’m not sure how he’ll feel knowing you stayed the night in my room on a school night but we could tell him we stayed PG. Maybe PG-13, considering our lack of clothing,” Jensen murmured and slid his hand down Jared’s chest, fingers slipping under Jared’s boxers. “Unless maybe you want something to distract you for a while.”

Jensen’s fingers were like fire on Jared’s still-cold skin and he shivered, lips parting to let out a small moan. When he spoke again, the way he wanted Jensen had twisted around his voice and brought it lower.

“Let’s forget for a while,” he suggested against Jensen’s lips.

“Gladly,” Jensen breathed into the kiss and slid his fingers over Jared’s hipbone. He figured after the day they both had, forgetting was the best idea. Rolling Jared flat onto his back, Jensen slid over him and pressed his lips to the dip in the lanky boy’s collarbone, gently kissing his way down. “I’ll make you forget everything,” he whispered, and slowly worked his way down Jared’s body, kissing and sucking along every inch of him.

Jared loved the feel of Jensen’s mouth on him; it only took a few of those soft kisses and a few passes of his boyfriend’s tongue across his flesh to have him rolling his body up off the mattress. The blankets kept an envelope of warm air around them and Jared could feel his limbs start to warm up. Threading his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair, Jared moaned.

“God, I love you,” he murmured.

“Good, ‘cause you’re stuck with me now,” Jensen laughed quietly before catching Jared’s nipple between his teeth, dragging up just as Jared had done to him. He was pleased by the way his boyfriend moaned in response, remembering to stay quiet moments after and trying to muffle the noise.

“Don’t worry; my dad can sleep through anything, and he always sleeps with his TV on,” Jensen whispered and slid lower, his heart beginning to race as his tongue dipped into Jared’s bellybutton and his fingers hooked in the tall boy’s boxers, tugging and slowly sliding down.

Jared lifted his hips slightly so Jensen could pull his boxers off. There were a few short moments when Jensen got a little tangled, and it brought a smile to Jared’s face. The remarkable thing about being with Jensen was that it didn’t matter; he wasn’t embarrassed or uncomfortable -- he just smiled -- laughing softly when Jensen grinned up at him.

And then Jensen’s fingers were tightening over Jared’s hips, his breath warm and moist against Jared’s belly, and he let himself sink down again into the bed’s softness.

“Never done this before,” Jensen murmured, though they both already knew. He smiled up at Jared and gently kissed his hipbone before curling his fingers around Jared’s cock, stroking slowly along the base and back up, watching in the dim light as Jared filled out, lengthening and thickening more. “Don’t expect perfection,” he cautioned before shifting closer.

The first tentative sweep over the drop of precome wasn’t what Jensen expected; the taste was almost nothing, really, and he glanced up at Jared to watch as he slowly circled the smooth head. Jensen’s heart felt weirdly lodged in his throat, his nerves far too haywire for normal, and he shifted restlessly on the bed.

“Ohgod,” Jared hissed. Completely unable to even think, Jared let his fingers fall to Jensen’s cheek and moaned, turning his head to the side. His hair fell over his eyes and he arched up into the next tentative sweep of Jensen’s tongue. Heat was rippling along the surface of his skin and he shuddered, a half laugh of surprise rocking his body. The slightest touches of Jensen’s tongue were so sensual! Jared’s cock throbbed and twitched up toward his boyfriend’s mouth. “Please,” he whispered. Fingers brushing over Jensen’s cheek, Jared panted softly and moaned again.

Swallowing down the last of his nerves, Jensen parted his lips and sealed them in a circle around the head of Jared’s cock, slowly sinking down until he didn’t think he could take any more. The heat of Jared’s skin was intense, the pleasure hitting him in waves he hadn’t felt before, and Jensen moaned, nearly jerking back when Jared’s body lurched forward in response to the noise.

Jensen loved the thrill of being able to make Jared feel like this, making him beg and struggle to stay quiet. He forced his jaw to relax to take in more of the other boy, wanting to drive him crazy just to keep his mind firmly planted on other, more wonderful, things.

Lifting his head slightly, Jared stared down for a few moments. Jensen’s dark lashes rested on his flushed cheeks, and _god_ his lips moving on Jared’s cock was the hottest thing he’d ever seen. The wet heat of Jensen’s tongue was irresistible and Jared’s head fell back again, hands flailing out to the sides to grip the blankets. “Jensen,” he groaned, “so good. I... it’s-”

Rocking his hips up, Jared tried hard to hold back but -- _Jesus_ \-- the way Jensen’s tongue moved along the ridged skin of his shaft was killing him slowly. Sucking and licking, Jensen pulled back only to sink his lips down again and Jared’s hips rolled up again, and again.

“Jensen- I’m gonna-” Sucking in a deep breath, Jared squeezed his eyes shut and moaned too loudly.

The first splash of come along his tongue surprised Jensen and he almost pulled back. But he _wanted_ to taste Jared, so he once more worked at relaxing his body and letting it happen. The sounds that fell from Jared’s lips were amazing, enough to have Jensen moaning in response, and when the taller boy stopped twitching up into him, Jensen pulled slowly back and wet his lips.

“Could listen to you like that for hours,” he murmured, fingers sliding over Jared’s thighs.

Reaching down, Jared grabbed his boyfriend’s shoulders and dragged him up his body. Gripping Jensen’s hair, Jared held him there, a breath away from kissing him.

“I don’t even know what to say anymore. Other than I love you.” His voice was husky and rough, thick with emotion and pleasure.

“That works for me,” Jensen whispered and tipped up to kiss Jared’s nose. “I liked it. You moan so pretty,” he laughed, tilting to the side to kiss Jared’s cheek.

“Kiss me,” Jared said.

“Yeah?” Jensen met Jared’s eyes for a moment before slanting his lips hard over Jared’s. He certainly didn’t have to be asked that twice.

-=-=-=-

Jared’s life changed so slowly that he wasn’t really aware of it. Things settled again at home with Jeff. He cleaned up, even started working down at one of the lumber yards and bringing home some money. As soon as he gave Jared some money for clothes, he and Jensen went on a rather long shopping trip to the mall and Jared came home with a new pair of jeans, some dress slacks and four shirts. There were some really tight boxer-briefs too and a white wifebeater -- but Jensen assured him that was just for _them_.

At school, things were okay. Their little bubble of happiness seemed to keep things mellow all around them. Even the usual bullies left them alone, and they got braver. Jared got a little thrill of happiness the first time Jensen slid his fingers into Jared’s back pocket as they walked down the hall. They shared their sandwiches at lunch, made out around the back of the school when they couldn’t keep their hands off each other, and sometimes Jared could persuade Jensen to ditch classes so they could go back to his place.

Slowly but surely, Jared spent more and more time over at Jensen’s. The first time he ran into Alan at the top of the stairs on his way to school, there was a _talk_. Jared was nervous as hell, but Jensen kept insisting it would all be fine. And it was okay. It was surprisingly easy for Jared to get used to someone actually _caring_ about what he did.

He was allowed to stay over but had to be asleep by midnight on school nights, and Jared had to make sure Jeff knew where he was. Soon enough, Jared was taking out the garbage on his way to school, picking up the paper when he walked up the driveway, stealing bites out of Alan’s sandwich when he wasn’t looking.

He was happy.

Saturdays at Jensen’s were Jared’s favorite. Sometimes, Alan would be up early and decide he was going to make a big breakfast. Pancakes, bacon, fresh coffee… the smells would waft down the stairs and wake Jared up. Normally, he would poke and prod at Jensen until he awoke, dragging his boyfriend upstairs.

For some reason, the last Saturday in November, things were different. The winter air was cold and Jensen looked so warm all snuggled under the covers; Jared didn’t want to wake him. Slipping out of bed, he pulled on the house pants that Jensen had made him buy and tugged on his hoodie then padded upstairs quietly.

He could smell the coffee brewing and hear it hissing and spitting as it finished dripping. Alan was bent over the morning paper, all the ingredients for pancakes lying out on the counter. Grinning, Jared scratched at his tousled hair and slid onto one of the stools at the kitchen island. “’Mornin’.”

“’Mornin’, Jared.” Alan glanced up at Jared, looking around his shoulder for a moment before laughing softly. “My boy still sleepin’?”

“Yeah,” Jared nodded and rested his hands on the island. “He was really tired and looked real warm. Didn’t wanna wake him up. It’s okay, right?” Jared shifted nervously, suddenly realizing that it was the first time he’d sort of made himself at home.

“Yeah, of course. It’s nice of you to let him sleep in. I know he works hard with school stuff and such.” Alan nodded and headed for the cabinet, pulling out a mug and sliding it over to Jared. “So, how you doin’? You know, life and things. Jensen said your own life was complicated.”

Sighing, Jared smiled over at Alan and looked down at the mug. “Well, things are okay. Jeff’s been good lately. I guess… I guess Jensen never told you what was goin’ on, right?” Jared’s thumb traced the design on the mug and he studied Alan’s face from under his lashes.

“No, he didn’t. Not really. He just said it was complicated.” Alan shrugged and leaned a hip on the counter, considering Jared. “But if you want to talk, feel free. I swear to listen and not to pass judgment.” Alan continued to watch Jared as he poured another mug of coffee. “You’re a good kid.”

“My uncle… he’s had a rough time. Had a rough time when he was my age, I think.” Jared nodded slowly and scratched at his forehead. “He’s a drug addict.”

Jared had never said it out loud before and it felt really strange. Blowing out a quick breath, he looked up and blinked a few times. When he saw the concern on Alan’s face, he dropped his gaze again.

“I always kept Jensen safe, though. I swear. And Jeff really likes him; he says Jensen is like family.” As soon as Jared said it, he felt like it wasn’t really much to offer. After all, being part of Jared’s family wasn’t anything all that great.

“So I’m assuming that means he still has issues then.” Alan nodded slowly, soft frown on his face. “That’s rough, Jared. I can’t imagine what it must feel like. You’re very brave for trying to do this alone but… you know you don’t have to, right?”

Just outside the kitchen, Jensen lingered, leaning against the wall to see what his dad would say to the news. He wasn’t freaking out, so that was a plus, but sometimes quiet could be just as bad.

“Are you alright, Jared?” Alan asked after a long moment, stepping toward Jared uncertainly. “I know I don’t always get the gay thing; I’m not always best at supporting Jensen, but he loves you; I love having you around here, so if you’re in trouble, I’m gonna help you out any way I can.”

Smiling uncertainly, Jared looked up again. “Thanks. You guys are like… Well, you know I love Jensen a lot.” Jared blushed when he realized what he’d said. “I mean... well… It’s true. I love him -- he’s like this great guy. You must be a pretty good dad.” Smiling, Jared looked down at the counter. “I’m okay, Alan. Things have been better lately. Jeff’s been clean for a while and he’s got a job but...”

Jared sighed and when he looked up, Alan smiled and nodded. Jared pressed his lips together for a few moments. “Well, I’m waiting, you know? For something to happen again. It always does. Kinda hard to really enjoy anything when I’m waiting for something bad to happen.”

Something pinched in Jensen’s heart and he slid a little closer, wondering how soon he’d give in to the need to comfort Jared. He couldn’t believe the boy told his dad about Jeff, even with all the risks. And, well, he couldn’t believe his dad wasn’t completely insane with anger or something.

“You know, when Donna -- Jensen’s mom -- was sick, she used to have a lot of really bad days. Sometimes she’d be really angry, or uncontrollably weepy. It was the chemo; it was making her all crazy. But you know, we never took one of her good days for granted. We did what we could with Jensen, took him places and such.” Alan reached out and squeezed Jared’s arm, soft smile on his face. “I know it’s a different circumstance for you, and there’s a lot of crap about your situation, but you should always take advantage of the good days.”

Sniffing softly, Jensen slid around the corner and crossed the room, dropping against Jared’s back and wrapping arms around him.

“You two are so Hallmark,” Jensen murmured with a soft laugh.

As relief washed over him, Jared slid his arms over Jensen’s.

“Yeah, you know us…” Jared laughed softly and glanced up at Alan with a smile on his face.

“I know, it’s a wonder all of us don’t weigh five hundred pounds with all the sap around here,” Jensen sighed, then laughed and slid around Jared’s body, tucking under his arms. “So, Jared told you the big secret.”

“He did,” Alan nodded and began mixing up the batter for pancakes. “And I understand why you felt like you had to keep it a secret, Jensen, but you should have known I wouldn’t have been mad.”

“I didn’t want you to do something, you know like call someone that might send Jared away.” Jensen leaned back against Jared’s chest and sighed softly. “And I know Jared didn’t want me to lie, really; that was my choice.”

“Well, I want you boys to feel like you can talk to me about whatever. You’re old enough now we can talk about this all as adults. What do you think, Jared? You think Jensen can act grown up enough for this kind of conversation?” Alan smirked over at Jared.

Grinning, Jared squeezed Jensen gently. “He might be able to hold it together.”

The smile on Jensen’s face was well worth telling Alan everything. His boyfriend had really never looked more content… happy.

“Need I remind you two of the popcorn fiasco last weekend? I believe it was the two of you who started that particular food fight,” Jensen laughed and slid his hands over Jared’s, threading their fingers together.

“Did you ever get all the butter out of your hair?” Alan asked as he poured the first of the pancakes on the skillet.

Groaning, Jensen shook his head and looked up, his lips brushing Jared’s jaw. “You guys are awful,” he accused through a soft laugh then slowly turned, dropping his voice to a whisper to talk to Jared. “I’m really proud of you, for telling. I know it’s not easy.”

Jared’s lips parted and slid into a broad grin. He leaned closer and pressed his lips to Jensen’s cheek.

“Love you,” he whispered.

“Love you too,” Jensen murmured, smiling as he turned to catch Jared’s lips in a soft kiss.

Alan huffed and cleared his throat. “And you blame me for the sap. You two are the definition of love-sick puppy dogs.”

Jensen laughed into the kiss and turned in Jared’s arms once more. “Oh, just shut it and cook us breakfast like a good dad.”

“Yes sir.” Alan saluted with his spatula, a broad grin on his face.

Jensen was pretty sure he could live every single day like this and never get sick of it. Especially when Jared’s arms tightened around him once more and he leaned back against his boyfriend’s chest.

-=-=-=-

Fridays rocked as far as Jared was concerned. Since Jeff has been working almost full-time, he’d been able to take Saturdays off from the grocery store. Jeff has said he should spend some more time on homework but Jared knew it meant another day to spend with Jensen. Sure, they studied sometimes.

There was already a smile on his face as he walked up his street and he couldn’t help throwing his head back to enjoy the warmth of the winter sun. When he dropped his gaze back down, his smile faded almost instantly. There was a sign in the front window that said ‘For Rent’. Jared stopped at the bottom of the driveway, fingers tightening knuckle-white over the strap of his bag.

The tailgate of Jeff’s truck was down and there were some boxes stacked in the bed. Jared looked off to the side, out over the park, and sighed shakily. Things had been going so well; Jeff couldn’t be in trouble. Closing his eyes for a few moments, he pressed his hand over them and the bracelet Jensen had given him brushed against the side of his mouth.

Something inside Jared twisted angrily. Striding up the path, he shoved the door open and threw his bag to the side.

Jeff was packing some of his clothes into his duffel bag and jumped back slightly when the door banged off the wall behind Jared.

“I’m not going.”

“Jesus _Christ_ , Jared -- you ‘bout gave me a heart attack.” Jeff ran a hand over his hair and sank down onto the couch beside his bag.

“I’m not leaving. You can’t-- not now. We’ve been moving every fucking six month or less since the-- since the...” Jared ran out of air and sucked in a shaky breath. “I won’t go. Not this time. Jeff-- please. Just stay and try--”

“Don’t use that kind of language with me, son.” Jeff raised an eyebrow and leaned forward to rest his forearms on his thighs.

Jared’s mouth fell open and he stood there staring for a few moments. “Language? Really?” His blood was racing so fast through his veins he could feel it surging within him. “What did you do this time? Did you steal something? We can fix it. Maybe this time we could just try to do things the right way instead of running.”

Jeff’s brow furrowed and a look of hurt passed over his features. “This isn’t about running away-”

“What is it then?” Jared’s yell rang out in the mostly empty house and he took a step back, a little startled himself. “I keep trying to understand. I’ve spent my whole life trying to understand you. I want this -- I want a home and… and Jensen and school. Do you even care that I’m going to graduate in, like, half a year? Alan says if I stay in one school, he bets that I could get really great grades.” Jared shoved his hair back off his forehead.

“Alan huh?” Jeff smiled weakly and stared at Jared for a few moments before reaching over to pick up a t-shirt and fold it.

“Don’t make me choose,” Jared said softly. “You’re my uncle. I love you, Jeff, but I can’t keep doing this.” Tears were trickling slowly down Jared’s cheeks and he took a few steps closer and sat down on the edge of the old coffee table in front of his uncle. “Please, Jeff. I won’t know how to… how can I leave Jensen? Have you ever loved anyone? Please...”

Jeff smiled sadly and tossed the t-shirt aside so he could reach out and curl his fingers around the back of his nephew’s neck. “When did you get so grown up?”

-=-=-=-

At first, Jensen hadn’t known where his dad was taking him, but the route was familiar and he hadn’t even realized his dad knew where Jared lived until they turned onto his street. He once more looked confused over at his father, wondering if this was going to turn into some weird intervention for Jeff. That wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing.

Despite his confusion, he was excited to see Jared -- even if it had been less than an hour since school -- and he turned to look out the window, smiling softly. Until they pulled up in front of the house and his eyes locked on the boxes in the back of the truck, then the ‘For Rent’ sign on the window.

“What’s-” Jensen’s heart plummeted in his chest and his hand shot out, fumbling for the door handle.

“Wait, Jensen-”

Jensen ignored his dad and kicked the door open, shooting across the yard in just a few steps, not stopping until he was through the still-open front door. Jeff was standing by Jared and Jensen watched as they both turned to look at him.

“You can’t go,” he said, surprisingly softly considering the flair of panic and anger he’d felt when he first saw the sign. “You can’t go. It’s not- just don’t go. Please don’t go.”

Jared closed the distance between them quickly and buried his face in Jensen’s neck. His heart felt like it was just going to give up and he almost sagged into his boyfriend’s arms. Drawing in deep breaths, he tried to fight back the panic that was welling in him.

“Okay,” said Jeff firmly. “I think everyone needs to take a few deep breaths and actually _listen_ to me.” His eyes moved up to the door and he smiled. “Alan, come on in.”

“Jeff, good to see you.” Alan smiled and nodded at him, stepping inside and closing the door behind him.

Jensen clutched Jared tightly and turned his head to the side, staring at his dad in disbelief. “You know him? You knew about this? Jesus Christ, Dad, how could you allow this?”

“Jensen, calm down; you need to give Jeff the chance to explain.” Alan frowned disapprovingly at Jensen, shaking his head.

No part of Jensen wanted to listen to Jeff, or let go of Jared. He wanted to tug him out of the house and just drive off before Jeff could take him away.

Clearing his throat, Jeff gesture to the couch. “Everybody should sit down or something.”

Looking more than a little uncomfortable, Jeff smiled wryly at Alan and sank back down onto the sofa.

There was no way that Jared was letting go of Jensen. His mind was whipping from thought to thought: he could just refuse to go, he could take off, he could _punch_ Jeff -- something he’d never even considered before. Sliding around Jensen’s body, Jared pressed up against his boyfriend’s back. “I’m _not_ leaving. You can’t-- this is wrong. Things are going good for once-”

“Jared!” Jeff’s voice had a stern edge. “Enough. Calm down, sit and listen to me.” He glanced over at Alan. “Listen to us, okay?”

Trembling with a combination of rage and fear, Jared glared at his uncle for a few agonizing moments then felt Jensen’s hand slipping into his. Blowing out a long breath, Jared sidestepped and sank down onto the chair across from the couch.

It was probably a little ridiculous, but Jensen figured if he kept Jared planted somewhere, then they couldn’t take him away. So he dropped down onto Jared’s lap and glared over at Jeff, biting his lip to keep from saying something that would make his dad upset.

“Are we all a little more calm now?” Alan sat on the couch and looked over at the boys, then at Jeff. “I’d take this chance while you can; Jensen can only bite his tongue for so long.”

“Yeah, I’ve been on the receiving end of Jensen’s protective streak before.” Jeff looked over at Alan and shook his head but there was a slight smile on his face.

Jared’s arms snaked around Jensen’s waist and he held on tightly. There was some stupid, childish part of him that was convinced if he held on tight enough, this would all just disappear.

Turning back to the boys, Jeff licked his lips and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Okay. So Jared, I wanted to tell you about this before but I kept... well, it was too hard. I don’t know if you’ll ever understand it -- but... I love you, kid. Not just because you’re my nephew, but because you’ve become this really great guy. You know -- you remind me so much of your dad sometimes it just makes me heart-”

Jared leaned his cheek against Jensen’s arm and gazed intently at Jeff. “Then don’t do this, not this time. Just one chance, please-”

“Jared,” Alan cut the boy off and smiled softly, shaking his head. “Give your uncle a chance to talk; he’s got some important things to say.” Alan’s eyebrows rose as Jensen’s mouth opened and it was warning enough to get Jensen to close his mouth once more and turn to Jared, resting his forehead against the taller boy’s.

Jeff smiled at Alan and shifted toward the edge of the couch. “I’m going into a treatment program, Jared. It’s a minimum of ninety days. I didn’t tell you about it before because I wasn’t sure that I could get in. I needed to have thirty days clean before they’d consider me. I got a phone call this morning and it’s about a ten-hour drive from here.”

Jared sat up straighter, eyes moving over his uncle. _Treatment_. Blinking slowly, he leaned hard against Jensen’s warmth.

Jeff glanced over at Alan, and when the other man nodded, he continued. “I’ve been talkin’ to your dad, Jensen. Now, we haven’t decided all this. I kind of-- well, this all came up so quick. Alan had mentioned once that he’d be willing to let you stay with them... with him and Jensen, if I could get something like this arranged. You know, so you could finish school and-” Jeff smiled at Jensen as he watched the boy’s eyes widen. “And have a chance with Jensen.”

Jared opened his mouth and nothing came out. Blinking slowly, he cleared his throat and tried again.

“You’ve been talking?” His eyes drifted over to Alan.

“Well, someone must have told Jeff that I have my own mechanic shop; he hunted me down pretty easily,” Alan chuckled and shook his head, reaching out to squeeze Jeff’s arm. “We’ve talked a few times. And I know he wants what’s best for you, Jared. We figured this was a good solution, especially since Jeff wants to get some help.”

Jensen was still trying to process the idea of Jared _living_ with him. “Will you come back, Jeff? After your treatment?”

Jeff looked down at his hands where they were curled over his knees.

“This isn’t gonna be a quick fix for me. It’s been a long time gettin’ into this mess. Yeah. I’d like to come back here afterwards. Alan said I could maybe work part-time at the shop ‘til I got on my feet again. But that’s a long time off. And if what you’re really asking me, Jensen, is if I’m gonna change my mind right away and come back for Jared? No. I’m not. There’s this lawyer...” Jeff leaned down and picked up an envelope from under the coffee table and pulled out some papers. “I don’t get all the big words and legal buzz but basically, this gives Alan the right to act as a temporary guardian for you, Jared. Just until you turn eighteen. You’ve always pretty much been running things, so...” Jeff looked up at his nephew.

“Wait. Treatment? And -- will I get to see you?” Jared hadn’t been away from his uncle for any length of time since he was a kid. He felt Jensen stiffen slightly and squeezed him tighter. “I don’t want you out of my life.”

Jeff’s smile warmed and he tilted his head to the side.

“Me either. It will be a while before you can come -- but there are family events and I’m sure that Jensen would volunteer to drive you up?” His brown eyes moved to Jensen’s face for a few moments.

“Of course I would,” Jensen nodded and slid his fingers along the back of Jared’s neck, massaging softly. “And I was asking about you coming back not because I thought you’d take Jared again, just that I know he’d want you to come back and live around here so he could see you.” Jensen looked over at his dad, who was quietly observing the conversation, small smile on his face. “I guess Jared living with us would mean rules, huh?”

“We can talk about all that stuff later.” Alan waved his hand dismissively and smiled over at Jeff then back at Jared. “What matters now is, Jared, do _you_ want that? Because I’ve looked into a few alternatives that would still let your uncle get help and keep you around here, if you don’t want to live with us.”

“Of course he does!” Jensen’s eyes widened once more, staring at his dad in disbelief.

“Jensen, let him answer for himself. And without the pressure would be nice,” Alan laughed, shaking his head once more.

“It’s really okay with you, Jeff?” There was still some part of Jared -- maybe a part that he’d be working on for a long time -- that needed to know his uncle was going to be okay without him. “It’s been just you and me for a long time...”

Jeff held up his hand. “Jared, you’ve been taking care of me, _making excuses_ ,” he glanced at Jensen, “for a long time. You gotta learn how to just live a kind of normal life, you know? Yeah. I’m okay with this. I’m gonna miss you a lot but I think this is good. Alan’s a good man and he’s raised a good son. Maybe these two could help you work through some stuff.”

Nodding slowly, Jared pushed gently at his boyfriend until he could climb out from under him. He was across the living room quickly and yanked his uncle up to his feet so he could hug him tightly.

Jeff’s laughter rumbled against Jared’s chest and he clung to his uncle.

Jensen was finding it hard not to squeak with excitement at the prospect of having Jared living with them. He was sure it was going to be challenging, in a different sort of way, but to have that fear of Jared suddenly having to go wiped away was worth all the challenges.

“Jeff, you need any help with things? Jensen and I can help with some boxes,” Alan offered with a warm smile, and Jensen could hear a soft sniff that had him looking over.

He’d never seen his father get worked up like that before and Jensen thought about going over to hug him too. Instead, he scoffed and lifted his hand, showing it to his father. “And put these nails at risk? You wish. I’ll fold clothes or something.”

Jared pulled back slightly and ruffled his uncle’s hair. “You’re gonna do great. I just know it.”

Jeff laughed and shoved at Jared’s shoulder. “Make your boyfriend get my clothes packed up.”

Turning, Jared stared at Jensen across the room. He opened his mouth a couple of times to say something and just closed it again, because he wasn’t sure there were even big enough words for what was happening. Shrugging, he smiled at his boyfriend.

“I know,” Jensen murmured and crossed to Jared, pulling the taller boy into his arms and kissing him softly. “It’s gonna be good. Especially for Jeff to get help.” Pulling back from his boyfriend, Jensen turned to Jeff and smiled, holding out his hand. “I know you think I hate you or something but I really am glad you’re getting help.”

“Never thought you hated me.” Jeff grabbed Jensen in a hug and muttered, “Just knew you cared about Jared a whole hell of a lot.” Clearing his throat, Jeff lowered his voice again. “You take care of him?”

“Always,” Jensen whispered and squeezed Jeff, letting go as the man pulled back. “My first task will be to work on his wardrobe.”

“Jensen,” Alan groaned and shook his head, walking over and laying a hand on Jared’s shoulder, squeezing. “Actually, first up for Jared will be quitting the grocery store. I’ve got a position for you; gonna teach you all I know, and Jensen’s gonna help you repair a truck that’ll work just fine for you.”

Jared’s head was kind of spinning.

“A truck?” Glancing over at Jeff, Jared couldn’t help wondering when he was going to wake up or when Jeff was going to tell him that he was kidding -- the whole thing was a joke. Feeling a little dizzy, Jared took a couple of steps back and sank down onto the couch.

“You okay, Jay?” Jeff glanced over at Jensen and ran his hand over Jared’s hair.

“I think we’ve overloaded the poor kid,” Alan laughed softly and shook his head. “Jen? Water?”

“On it,” Jensen responded, already on his way to the kitchen. He was so giddy he almost skipped but he swallowed it back because Jared needed a sane boyfriend at the moment. A few seconds later, he sat beside Jared and offered him the water, squeezing his thigh. “Is your head spinning?”

Eyes widening again, Jared turned to look at his boyfriend and nodded.

“It’s real, right?” he asked softly. “It’s not gonna just...” He gasped and couldn’t actually bring himself to give voice to his fears.

Smiling, Jeff headed over to Alan and nodded toward the front door. “Give me a hand with these boxes?”

“No problem,” Alan agreed, following Jeff out with a stack.

Jensen watched them for a moment, then looked back at Jared, his smile softening. “It’s real, I promise. Jeff’s gonna get help and you’re gonna live with me. Talk about the weirdest Friday ever!”

Turning his bracelet around his wrist slowly, Jared smiled and dipped down to kiss Jensen. “I’m gonna make you happy, I promise.”

“I know you are,” Jensen murmured and pressed up into the kiss, curling his fingers over Jared’s hip. “And wanna know the best part?”

“I get pancakes every Saturday?” Jared laughed, finally letting himself believe everything might actually be turning around.

“I see how it is: pancakes over sharing a room with your boyfriend because there’s only two bedrooms in our house since Dad made my old room an office. Whatever,” Jensen scoffed but he couldn’t help grinning at Jared, ruffling a hand through his hair.

“Really? He said we’d have to talk.” Jared pushed closer, pinning Jensen in the corner of the couch. “I wanna stay with you every night.” His voice might have been a little deeper and his hands slid up Jensen’s arms, gripping his boyfriend’s hands tightly.

“Well, even if he put you in a different room, you’d sneak into mine anyway,” Jensen murmured, wetting his lips as he stared up at his boyfriend. “God, you’re hot when you get like this.” He grinned and leaned up to kiss Jared.

“Boys! Plenty of time for that later; get your butts in gear and help us!” Alan called out, laughing at the end.

“Ooh, man. Rules -- these rules are gonna suck.” But Jared’s face was all smiles as he tugged Jensen up off the couch.

“We’ll work my dad around,” Jensen laughed and pushed his boyfriend, clambering off the couch to go help fold clothes, because he certainly wasn’t moving boxes.


	7. Chapter 7

The armfuls of bags Jensen was struggling with nearly slipped from his arms as he rounded the corner to his room -- _their_ room -- and stared wide-eyed at the disarray of clothing and books spread everywhere. That was one of the many things he’d had to adjust to living with Jared: the boy’s inability to keep things spotless. So Jensen stopped obsessing over everything being in its right place and Jared tried to be a little more tidy.

Right now, though, it appeared that Jared was looking for something, because he was in the process of throwing everything out of the closet. Jensen set the bags on the floor by the stairs and walked up behind his boyfriend, pulling his hand back to smack the taller boy hard on the ass. “Jared! This room is atrocious! What have you been doing?”

Leaning both hands on either side of the doorframe, Jared arched his back slightly, knowing it made the most of his height and probably made his shirt ride up. “You gonna smack my ass, you better be prepared to put out. Or at least find my plaid shirt. I’ve looked everywhere.”

“You mean the plaid shirt you insisted I put in with my load of laundry this morning?” Jensen’s brows rose and he palmed Jared’s ass once more, shaking his head with a quiet laugh. “Look at this mess, Jared. Jesus! I’ve loosened up, I’m sure, but this is too much.” He stepped back and slid off his coat, folding it over his arm.

Widening his eyes, Jared made sure that his t-shirt was tugged up higher and pulled his jeans lower, just in case.

“You’re not mad at me, are you? I hate it when you’re mad.” Letting his hair fall forward over his eyes, he hooked his finger in the waistband of Jensen’s pants and tried to hide the smile on his lips.

“I think you want me a little mad,” Jensen murmured, tilting his head up toward Jared with a smile. “After all, you did seem to enjoy that slap on the ass a bit too much.” He laughed and tossed the coat over his shoulder, listening to it clatter to the floor. “How often do I get mad at you, really?”

“Never,” Jared supplied. Pulling Jensen into his arms, he spun him around slowly and settled into a slow dance to the music on the stereo. “But you’re kinda messy. It’s a lot for me to put up with.”

Lifting his arms, Jensen slid them over Jared’s shoulders and swayed forward, warm, fond smile on his lips.

“Mmhmm, and you’re kind of uptight. It wouldn’t hurt for you to loosen up a little. You know, live a little.” He curled his fingers into the hair at the nape of Jared’s neck, rolling his lips together to keep from grinning with the hard race of his heart.

Laughing, Jared dipped Jensen back over his arm and held him there for a moment. “You love me,” he assured softly. Leaning down, he kissed Jensen’s neck before pulling him upright again. “How’s _that_ for sweeping you offa your feet?”

“You shouldn’t do things like this,” Jensen murmured and laid his hands on Jared’s chest, sighing softly. “You make me fall for you even harder and it’s freaky.” Jensen frowned slightly and shrugged, wiping absently along Jared’s jawbone.

“I’ll clean up after,” Jared grinned. Over their first month of living together, some things had changed a lot -- and they were still getting used to each other -- but things were great. “You know, after you give me a proper hello. I missed you.”

His hands slid down Jensen’s back, fingers tucking just under the bottom of his shirt. Jensen was wearing a t-shirt, which was rare, but maybe Jared was rubbing off on his boyfriend a little too.

“Well, you could have gone shopping with me,” Jensen pointed out, snorting when Jared stared at him. “I’ll never understand why you don’t find three hours at the mall as soothing as I do.” Jensen wet his lips and slowly smiled up at his boyfriend. “You think you’ll ever get tired of me?”

“Jensen Ackles, I will never get tired of you. You are like a new boyfriend every day. I never know what crazy thoughts are gonna come out of you. Like the day you stood up to Jeff.” Jared licked his way down Jensen’s neck and swayed back and forth slightly, moving them closer to the bed. “You changed everything.” Kissing his way back up Jensen’s neck, Jared laughed softly. “You’re not the same guy I met being bullied that first day.”

“Same boy, just more vocal,” Jensen countered and tilted his head to the side, moaning softly. “S’your fault. You stood up for me and I didn’t have to hide anymore.” He hummed softly and swayed his hips forward, grinding against Jared. “You wanna know what I like?”

“What do you like, boyfriend?” Jared’s hands tucked all the way under Jensen’s t-shirt and slid up his back.

“When you’re like this.” Jensen closed his eyes and tried not to arch into Jared’s touch. “You know, when it feels like you can’t get enough of touching me. And sometimes I wonder what all you’re gonna do. Sometimes, it feels like you just can’t get enough of exploring.” Heat crawled swiftly through Jensen and he rolled his hips forward again, moaning at the friction.

Pulling back, Jared gazed into Jensen’s eyes. “I will _never_ get enough of you.” Tilting his head slightly, he smiled then pressed the softest kiss to Jensen’s lips. He was pretty sure he felt Jensen’s knees dip a little and smiled against his boyfriend’s mouth. “So, you want me to clean the room right now? Or...”

“I think I can live with the room being messy for a little while longer. Maybe you can convince me to help you clean up,” Jensen teased and slid his fingers along Jared’s waistline, tilting up for a slow kiss. “Love you being here,” he whispered into the kiss, flicking at the button on Jared’s jeans.

“It’s like _Pretty Woman_ ,” Jared snickered, fingers hooking under Jensen’s t-shirt and pulling it off. “I might have watched it the other day on Lifetime.” Grinning, he trailed his finger down Jensen’s chest. “I rescued you and you rescued me right back.”

“You need to not watch Lifetime anymore,” Jensen laughed and shook his head, knocking Jared’s hands back so he could tug the taller boy’s shirt off. “Dad’s at the shop until tonight. Means I can be as loud as you want me to be.” He tossed the shirt to the side and ran his thumb over Jared’s nipple.

“I love it when you’re loud.” Jared’s eyes narrowed and he sank his teeth into Jensen’s neck and moved his hands to cup his boyfriend’s ass. “And _you_ have the _best_ ass.” Lifting Jensen slightly, he tripped on one of the many items he’d tossed about the room and they fell, landing heavily on the bed.

A breathy laugh escaped Jensen and he bit his lip, rocking against Jared’s hands, grinding them down onto the mattress.

“You can keep talking about my ass if you want; I think it’s hot. Even if you say I’m a cock-slut.” He leaned up and caught Jared’s bottom lip between his teeth, dragging it out slowly.

Jared was a little bit done with talking and slammed his mouth down over Jensen’s. He could feel the way Jensen’s body jolted with pleasure and rocked his hips down as his tongue thrust forward. Kissing Jensen never got old. Jensen’s mouth was like hot velvet, his tongue twining with Jared’s; their bodies fit together perfectly.

Hooking his leg around his boyfriend’s, Jensen moaned loudly into the kiss and his body rocked up, his hands sliding constantly over Jared’s back. He loved the way the muscles rippled under his fingers and his hands slid down, tucking under Jared’s jeans and running slowly along the swell of flesh. He could do this forever and never get sick of it.

Groaning softly, Jared pushing at Jensen’s arms then pulled him up and rolled them until Jensen was straddling his pelvis. Moaning, he grabbed his boyfriend’s hips and slid him back slightly over his trapped cock.

“Better,” he murmured. Thumbs digging into Jensen’s flesh, he pulled him forward and Jensen picked up the rhythm quickly. “Want you… on top,” Jared managed to get out.

“Jeans,” Jensen groaned, rocking down against Jared and wishing he had the ability to magically make them disappear. “Jesus, Jared!” Sucking in a sharp breath, Jensen rolled swiftly to the side and grabbed his jeans, shimmying quickly out of them. “Get undressed.” He glanced over at Jared before rolling onto his knees and crawling forward, tugging his nightstand open to grab the bottle of lube.

“Bossy,” Jared muttered. But his body was already in motion. Wriggling out of his jeans, he kicked them aside. “See why I don’t wear boxers anymore?” Shifting up the bed slowly, he lay down and watched Jensen’s face. “You have the most beautiful eyes.”

“I kind of think you have beautiful everything,” Jensen responded and dipped down to gently kiss Jared before pulling back. He slicked his fingers quickly, watching Jared’s face as he teasingly stroked along the taller boy’s cock. He loved watching the pleasure wash over Jared’s features, the way his eyes nearly rolled back in his head, and the way his body couldn’t help undulating up into his touch.

Leaning down, Jensen pressed his lips to Jared’s ear, squeezing gently as he stroked. “I don’t think I even need to stretch myself. I think I’ll just take you in. I love the way it feels, you stretching me open.”

He slid down, biting softly over Jared’s neck as he pulled his hand back.

“Jesus,” Jared hissed. Fingers threading through Jensen’s short hair, Jared held him there. Jensen’s lips were eager on his flesh and Jared’s entire body was responding, rolling up off the mattress to press closer, wanting more. “Jen...” He missed Jensen’s touch immediately, his cock aching with need. “Do it,” he murmured.

“I think they call this topping from the bottom,” Jensen murmured and slid across Jared’s body, sitting up and reaching back to grasp his slick cock once more. “‘Cause I can make you beg. Even though I’m resoundingly the bottom.” Jensen laughed softly and slid his body back to rock over Jared’s cock, eyes closing as he took just the head in and held himself up, his thighs quivering.

Just that teasing heat nearly made Jared’s heart beat right out of his chest. His hands gripped Jensen’s hips and pushed gently as his pelvis rocked up. Jensen’s body pulled him in, the heat of it enveloping Jared’s flesh and making him pant softly for a few moments. It was always so hard not to just _thrust_ into Jensen, take him and drive all those sweet moans past his boyfriend’s lips.

After several deep breaths, Jensen was able to slowly sink down onto him. They had enough sex it wasn’t really painful but Jensen got lost in the _full_ that was almost too much sometimes. When he was finally all the way down on Jared, their bodies completely connected, Jensen opened his eyes and looked down at him, panting softly.

“I could stay like this forever,” he whispered, planting his hands firmly on Jared’s chest and slowly rolling his hips.

A burst of desire shot through Jared’s body and he held his breath for a few endless moments. Jensen’s hips circled and rocked and he was so _tight_ around Jared’s swollen manhood. Moving his hips slowly, Jared grabbed Jensen’s hands and threaded their fingers together.

“Say it’s forever,” he murmured.

“It is,” Jensen nodded and slowly rocked his body up, gasping at the feel of Jared sliding out of him then filling him once more as he rocked down. “Jared,” Jensen moaned, and scratched his nails down Jared’s chest, pulling up and dropping down _hard_. This would all last longer if Jensen wasn’t so addicted to the fast, hard pace, and if he didn’t so desperately want to see his boyfriend’s face darkened with desire.

Jared’s body curved up off the mattress like he was drawn to Jensen. Bending his knees slightly, he thrust up a little harder each time Jensen’s hips twisted against him. It was all kind of amazing, kind of overwhelming, and Jared allowed his head roll to the side, eyes squeezing shut as he let out another moan.

Jensen’s body was like liquid fire over him and Jared’s heart was racing. Each time his boyfriend’s body slid further away, Jared tugged him back, and soon they were slamming together _hard_.

Sweat was beading on Jensen’s forehead, his eyes dark and almost hungry looking. Jared thought he was about the most beautiful thing in the world.

Dropping hard down on Jared’s chest, Jensen slanted his lips over the taller man’s and kissed him deeply, thrusting his tongue forward instantly to sweep along the inside of Jared’s mouth. His body moved constantly, rolls and glides that pulled them apart and brought them hard together once more.

Down like this, Jensen’s hard cock was caught between their bodies and with each roll, he felt the pressure and too-hot slick of skin. His lips broke from Jared’s as he inhaled, eyes clenched tightly shut. “Tell me you love me.”

“I love you, so fucking much.” Jared’s lips found Jensen’s again. The kiss was rough and desperate and Jared’s hand was probably tangled far too tightly in his boyfriend’s hair. “I love... you,” he panted again softly. Throwing his head back, Jared’s entire body jerked up, sending his cock deep into his lover.

He was gonna come, and he wanted Jensen along with him. Gripping Jensen’s hair, Jared pulled him down hard, lips dragging across his boyfriend’s ear.

“You’re all hot and-” Jared moaned, “God, I want you to come. Wanna feel it.” Gasping, Jared turned to Jensen’s face as his hips snapped up.

For some reason, knowing how badly Jared wanted him to come was enough to get Jensen there. Of course, sometimes a certain look in his boyfriend’s eyes was enough to get him there, but that was beside the point. Jared’s hips drove up and slammed hard against that over-sensitive spot in him and Jensen moaned loudly, his orgasm tearing through him in sudden, intense waves.

His entire body tensed and clenched around Jared as he rocked slowly down with the swell of his release.

“Love… you,” Jensen gasped, hardly able to find his breath in the moment.

Jared’s release followed Jensen’s immediately and he held on to the smaller boy. Their bodies were slick with sweat and hot, and all Jared could think about was the sweet way that Jensen’s moans trickled over him. Panting against his boyfriend’s neck, Jared’s entire body pulsed with pleasure.

When Jensen finally moved, it felt like days had passed. He slid up to let Jared fall from inside him and flopped over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling as he pulled in a slow breath.

“Never gets old,” he murmured with a soft laugh and wet his lips, letting his head loll to the side so he could peer at his lover. “You’re amazing.”

Laughing softly, Jared pushed lazily at his hair and gazed at his boyfriend. “We’re awesome.”

“Mmhmm,” Jensen nodded, lifting his hand to gently lie across Jared’s chest. “Did you talk to Jeff today while I was gone? I forgot to ask.” Saturdays were usually the days when Jared was able to speak to his uncle and Jensen knew how important those times could be.

“Oh! I forgot to tell you.” Jared rolled onto his side and rubbed Jensen’s chest slowly. “Thirty days clean has passed, so we can go up soon. He told ‘em he’s got a son and a son-in-law, which I thought was oddly cute for him.” Chuckling, Jared rested his chin on his boyfriend’s chest. “You’ll go visit? He asked for you.”

“He asked for me?” Jensen repeated, clearly disbelieving, but his head dipped in a slow nod. “You know I’d do anything for you. Including driving up there and visiting. Though, really, your uncle is lucky I love you or I wouldn’t do any of this.” Jensen turned and tucked in close to Jared, kissing his cheek softly. “I’m glad he’s doing so well.”

“Family, right?” Jared tightened his arm around Jensen. “You make my heart all flippy. You know that?”

“I do,” Jensen nodded and grinned at Jared, leaning forward to kiss him softly. “And I can’t imagine anyone more perfect for my life,” he murmured, loving how very true it was. Jensen was planning on keeping Jared forever.


End file.
